Re: Sometimes the worst thing....... is just not having a Mother

[Guest guest]

Donna-

I am very sorry for what you are going through =( Sounds like you have an

awesome support network. When I was so sick, having seizures, coma et al,

NADA came (i had NO clue who called her) and she pulled every trick in the

book.

She cried in front of the right people, when she had me alone, she RAGED.

She physically abused me, emotionally abused me, she tried to get me put away

(mental), tried to take my children, and i am really angry at her right now.

The first shower I had to take in hosp. NADA decides she gonna do it..First

thing out of her mouth, " OMG! You have the same body as my mother. " I WAS

INSULTED, yet I had no energy to get into it with her. Just thinking back to

those days in March/April make me wanna puke...Be careful in what ever you

choose to do, this is YOUR body, YOUR ILLNESS, and you make the choices..

I wish you the best out come possible, and hope that your Nada doesn't do

anything negative to harm you.

My best to you,

Kim

In a message dated 10/20/2004 10:36:58 AM Eastern Standard Time,

dmwt9876@... writes:

Somehow, me, having

cancer, will turn her into the victim, and I will keep my role as the

villian. Its just amazing. BDP people are just amazing sometimes,

arn't they?

[Guest guest]

Hi Donna,

We all want mommies! Each of us has missed out on having one, so we ended up

mothering ourselves...I know when I was sick, it was so weird because for the

FIRST time in my life I had absolutely no control over my body, or my

situation. When I was out of it I drifted to far away places (smile) and I had

so

many calm thoughts running through my brain (that is when I was not being

poked-prodded et al..). For once in my life I didn't care what my home looked

like, was not worried about my children (till I saw them, tough one for me),

and

knew that everyone would be just fine without me home.

Nada comes forth, and all of the sudden anxiety hits the ceiling my worries

all came back, wondering what happened to me, why did I have to have test

after test? Why were the MD's not telling me anything, what was going on????

Nada came, and each night I would shake in my bed, called hubby BEGGED him to

please come and sit with me as I felt so scared and I had no idea why....He

was my comfort, my blanket, my everything...At the time, I was on a benzo, yet

that did not seem to help any of the panic, anxiety or shaking. The one who

helped me was hubby, I could shake, talk myself down, and talk till he fell

asleep next to me, hand in hand....

I cannot tell you if your Nada will behave this way, I just can tell you

that mine did. Does your Nada LOVE to live in the crisis and suddenly become the

" victim " ? Mines LOVES it, she could cry her eyes out in front of the MD's,

in front of my hubby, in front of whomever, she used my cell phone and spent

HOURS calling her buddies down south while in my room, crying to them, talking

to them about me etc.....Yup, I felt like a little child, not an adult, she

pushed my recovery WAYYY back until finally the Psychiatrist told hubby to get

NADA out of my recovery. ONCE she was gone, I recovered! Amazing, nah,

normal for us I think....

Whatever you decide to do, think about it first, and if you allow her in,

you must be strong enough to set VERY tight, boundaries. Others will give you

good some advice, and they are probably better at dealing with this cause I am

not doing so hot myself -

Just you concentrate on getting much better, and one little idea is not to

be around people that will bring you down. You need as much support as

possible, so you can move FWD and fight off whatever it is that you have. Gotta

give

you loads of hugs Donna, I know how often I crave that mom who is like me,

the one who will stop at nothing to help her children, never hurt their self

esteem, and just be there to listen when they are sobbing in tears, or to

cuddle them tightly and let them know they will be ok!

Hugs to you Donna, keep posting if you are up to it, believe me it sure does

help me to hear about others, this way I don't feel so alone =)

Yours,

Kim

In a message dated 10/20/2004 11:13:38 AM Eastern Standard Time,

dmwt9876@... writes:

It is amazing to me, how my own brain is working against me now... I

find myself thinking to myself " She's got to be supportive THIS time,

if I'm sick " . I want so badly to have a supportive Mom, that I'm

willing to " try again " , but I know in my heart, that it will turn out

just as you described.

Other then me wanting it so badly, what about this situation will make

it turn out differently then every time in the past? NOTHING.

Thats what I need to tell myself.

[Guest guest]

PS.

In the past has your mother been a good mom when you were ill?

~Kim

In a message dated 10/20/2004 11:13:38 AM Eastern Standard Time,

dmwt9876@... writes:

It is amazing to me, how my own brain is working against me now... I

find myself thinking to myself " She's got to be supportive THIS time,

if I'm sick " . I want so badly to have a supportive Mom, that I'm

willing to " try again " , but I know in my heart, that it will turn out

just as you described.

Other then me wanting it so badly, what about this situation will make

it turn out differently then every time in the past? NOTHING.

Thats what I need to tell myself.

[Guest guest]

Kim,

Thanks so much for your kind words, and your point of view. You are

soooooo right, and I know and agree with everything you said.

It is amazing to me, how my own brain is working against me now... I

find myself thinking to myself " She's got to be supportive THIS time,

if I'm sick " . I want so badly to have a supportive Mom, that I'm

willing to " try again " , but I know in my heart, that it will turn out

just as you described.

Other then me wanting it so badly, what about this situation will make

it turn out differently then every time in the past? NOTHING.

Thats what I need to tell myself.

Thanks again,

Donna

>

> Donna-

>

> I am very sorry for what you are going through =( Sounds like you

have an

> awesome support network. When I was so sick, having seizures, coma

et al,

> NADA came (i had NO clue who called her) and she pulled every trick

in the book.

> She cried in front of the right people, when she had me alone, she

RAGED.

> She physically abused me, emotionally abused me, she tried to get me

put away

> (mental), tried to take my children, and i am really angry at her

right now.

>

> The first shower I had to take in hosp. NADA decides she gonna do

it..First

> thing out of her mouth, " OMG! You have the same body as my mother. "

I WAS

> INSULTED, yet I had no energy to get into it with her. Just thinking

back to

> those days in March/April make me wanna puke...Be careful in what

ever you

> choose to do, this is YOUR body, YOUR ILLNESS, and you make the

choices..

>

> I wish you the best out come possible, and hope that your Nada

doesn't do

> anything negative to harm you.

>

> My best to you,

>

> Kim

>

>

>

> In a message dated 10/20/2004 10:36:58 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> dmwt9876@y... writes:

>

> Somehow, me, having

> cancer, will turn her into the victim, and I will keep my role as the

> villian. Its just amazing. BDP people are just amazing sometimes,

> arn't they?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Donna, do what I do and mother your own self. Its ok to be sad that you don't

have the mom that would be there with you, hold your hand and help bring peace

and joy to your days, esp your scary ones. Love, Jana

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