topical issues

[Guest guest]

Well said, Sylvia!

In a message dated 7/25/2004 3:04:18 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

smhtrain2@... writes:

<I am in agreement with what you have stated here. But I need to go

<beyond discussions about my BPD parent. And I think others do also.

<In my case, discussing how having a BPD parent affects my life in the

<present means more than just how I am currently dealing with nada, or

<what nada is currently doing. In my case, it actually means how I am

<handling my finances, how I am dealing with my adult children, how I

<am dealing with my sister, my job, authority figures, and, I guess,

<just how I am dealing! My nada had my mind so messed up that it has

<taken me years to get the confidence to trust myself....and it still

<takes a daily, conscious effort for me to do so. Having a BP parent

<is part of who and what I am. And it is something that affects me

<daily, in all that I do.

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

I, too, have been frustrated by what's happening on the list

lately. The guidelines below say this and only this about the

ModOasis topic:

it is for adult non-bps 'exploring how having a BPD parent affected

their lives in the past and impacts their life in the present.'

For ME, this means reading about how people are dealing with their

nadas... How their nadas acted in the past and how they are acting

now; and how people are dealing with the cognitive distortions,

misery, self-loathing and depression that nadas have taught them to

have. There hasn't been very much of this on the list lately;

instead we seem to be in a political period where people are in the

midst of non-nada oriented discussions, debates and even conflicts.

I know that politics are inherent in any situation where a group of

people interact, but I do urge everyone to try and look beyond to

the big picture and get in touch with the motivation of trying to

help each other, which on this list means trying to help each other

deal with nada. That is certainly what I need, anyway.

Thanks

Charlie

[Guest guest]

Charlie,

I am in agreement with what you have stated here. But I need to go

beyond discussions about my BPD parent. And I think others do also.

In my case, discussing how having a BPD parent affects my life in the

present means more than just how I am currently dealing with nada, or

what nada is currently doing. In my case, it actually means how I am

handling my finances, how I am dealing with my adult children, how I

am dealing with my sister, my job, authority figures, and, I guess,

just how I am dealing! My nada had my mind so messed up that it has

taken me years to get the confidence to trust myself....and it still

takes a daily, conscious effort for me to do so. Having a BP parent

is part of who and what I am. And it is something that affects me

daily, in all that I do.

So I see these other topics as relevant. And where to draw the line

between OT and topic is a judgement call (think that was in the

guidelines, as well). One thing that I have recognized about myself -

when I start to feel agitated, feel that I HAVE to do or say

something, I realize that something has triggered me. I try to take

that moment of awareness to stop and think about what is happening to

me....what is it that I read, or that someone said, that is creating

this strong need to do/say something. I have developed a basic idea

of the kind of person I want to be, and when I get to this point, I

think hard to make sure that if I do/say something, it is in keeping

with how I want to be. This helps me keep from just acting in a knee-

jerk way.

I hope we will both continue to get what we need from this board.

Peace

Sylvia

> Hi everyone,

>

> I, too, have been frustrated by what's happening on the list

> lately. The guidelines below say this and only this about the

> ModOasis topic:

>

> it is for adult non-bps 'exploring how having a BPD parent affected

> their lives in the past and impacts their life in the present.'

>

> For ME, this means reading about how people are dealing with their

> nadas... How their nadas acted in the past and how they are acting

> now; and how people are dealing with the cognitive distortions,

> misery, self-loathing and depression that nadas have taught them to

> have. There hasn't been very much of this on the list lately;

> instead we seem to be in a political period where people are in the

> midst of non-nada oriented discussions, debates and even

conflicts.

> I know that politics are inherent in any situation where a group of

> people interact, but I do urge everyone to try and look beyond to

> the big picture and get in touch with the motivation of trying to

> help each other, which on this list means trying to help each other

> deal with nada. That is certainly what I need, anyway.

>

> Thanks

> Charlie

[Guest guest]

Hear, hear. Me too. I would not find it helpful enough to just focus

on my Nada. I am in my fifties and so have a lot of other things in

my present life than Nada. But I am still dealing with the effects of

Nada on me and how I am living my life. If I am to be aware and focus

on the present, this is more than going back x years and going over

the past. That isn't to say it might not be helpful to recall the

past if it is relevant to my present existence and attemps to live my

life adequately.

Kit

> > Hi everyone,

> >

> > I, too, have been frustrated by what's happening on the list

> > lately. The guidelines below say this and only this about the

> > ModOasis topic:

> >

> > it is for adult non-bps 'exploring how having a BPD parent

affected

> > their lives in the past and impacts their life in the present.'

> >

> > For ME, this means reading about how people are dealing with

their

> > nadas... How their nadas acted in the past and how they are

acting

> > now; and how people are dealing with the cognitive distortions,

> > misery, self-loathing and depression that nadas have taught them

to

> > have. There hasn't been very much of this on the list lately;

> > instead we seem to be in a political period where people are in

the

> > midst of non-nada oriented discussions, debates and even

> conflicts.

> > I know that politics are inherent in any situation where a group

of

> > people interact, but I do urge everyone to try and look beyond to

> > the big picture and get in touch with the motivation of trying to

> > help each other, which on this list means trying to help each

other

> > deal with nada. That is certainly what I need, anyway.

> >

> > Thanks

> > Charlie