Re: Re: The Harry Potter Theory of BIID

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/12/2004 1:42:28 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

danc19fr@... writes:

<This thing goes up and down a lot. Recently (as I make more

<progress?) it has been up and down more extremely, and over shorter

<time periods. Maybe in a day or so I will feel a little more

<reasonable. It is tough now.

<- Dan

Hopefully that is a good sign! Sometimes it gets the hardest as you get

closer to conquering something. For me it was a suicidal depression exaggerated

by the suicide of my little sister. I was in such a darkened place that I

could not see a light. it wasnt that I wasnt looking in the right places or

with

open eyes. I just COULDNT and it was something I did not understand nor could

make anyone else understand.

I was so LOST in the forest, I couldnt see the forest for the trees!

It has been a LONG journey and VERY hard . At first the closer I got to

getting better I would boomerang back to being even worse. I had to confront

some very hard truths of my life and myself. I had known of these truths

forever and mistook THAT for really confronting them and owning them. There is

a

big difference you dont even know until you master it!

Id begin to confront things and feel better but then the enormous weight

of what I was confronting would feel like it was crushing me like a thousand

tons of razor blades and I desperatly wanted out from under than weight of

it. But I fought against my toxic will and after awhile I found myself growing

stronger and stronger more able to carry the weight. The stronger I grew the

weaker that toxic will became. A even more great happenned, is happening.

Thay weight seemed to grow lighter. maybe its just because I grew stronger. I

dont know.

It has been a long journey and the walk isnt over yet. But that part of

my life that was ruled by those toxic feelings and thought , that will , is

long past me. Perhaps in time you will look over your shoulder to realize you

walked beyond your toxic will too.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/13/2004 3:13:06 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

danc19fr@... writes:

< (Pollyanna was always glad about things - it really peed off some

people!!) >>

<Yeah, it peed me off. I felt surrounded by people, starting with

<Nada, who wanted to do things to me and wanted me to always be glad

<about it. Like the person who says " think of the glass as half full

<rather than half empty " , after having emptied half your glass.

<- Dan

whenever people have done the hald empty glass routine to me I reply with ,

" My cup is completlt Full. I just CANT taste it. " lol

[Guest guest]

<< a.ristic@... writes: As an English as a second language member,

just out of curiosity, " peed off " what does it mean?>>

Literally, it stands for " pissed off " , and is slang for annoyed, irritated or

upset. Since it isn't very charming languauge, it is sometimes shortened to

" PO'd " or " peed off " .

.

[Guest guest]

<< a.ristic@... writes: As an English as a second language member,

just out of curiosity, " peed off " what does it mean?>>

Literally, it stands for " pissed off " , and is slang for annoyed, irritated or

upset. Since it isn't very charming languauge, it is sometimes shortened to

" PO'd " or " peed off " .

.