Re: Knots in my stomach. Ugh.

[Guest guest]

It is sad that we never will have parents that we can share things with because

they will use the knowledge against us. To have any relationship, we need to

talk about neutral things like the weather, thus avoiding ideas which are the

true depth of the conversational ocean. Even then, my parents would toss in a

negative comment to elevate themselves and demean me. Sad to say, I have been

much happier since my parents have died. Otwoma

smhtrain2 wrote:

> I talked to Nada last night. She was rather snotty and she easily

> annoyed me. She said she had been waiting for me to call and tell

> her what was new. Guess she can't call me. (I work in the schools)

> Then she said in a snippy voice, " Well, I wish I had the summer's

> off.I only got 2 days. " I said that she could have gone to school

to

> be a teacher. She said that wasn't possible and that she wish she

> had parents who paid for her to go to college.

> Yeah, like I didn't have to work 2 jobs all through college AND

have

> a load of student loans that took me over 10 years to pay off.

****Wouldn't she have just choked if you had said, 'Yeah, I wish I

had parents who had paid for my college too. I ended up with 10

years of student loans! "

............... ...................>

> I hate how I get sucked into the FOG so easily. I hate that I will

> never have a real mom.

********It is quite an effort to get out of the nada FOG, but it is

well worth it, so don't give up. I also hate that I will never have a

real mom. I am now working on understanding and accepting that the

knowledge of this fact is better for me than all the fantasy I was

trying to create with the foo.

................. I chose not to tell Nada

> that I had gone on a little trip with my husband, or that he was

> getting laid off soon due to budget cuts. I didn't want to hear her

> anotty nasty comments. It is so SAD that I couldn't share these

> things.

**********yep, it is sad. But you really made a smart decision

here. Better for you than putting up with the nada crap.

Take care,

Sylvia

Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

" Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

It is sad that we never will have parents that we can share things with because

they will use the knowledge against us. To have any relationship, we need to

talk about neutral things like the weather, thus avoiding ideas which are the

true depth of the conversational ocean. Even then, my parents would toss in a

negative comment to elevate themselves and demean me. Sad to say, I have been

much happier since my parents have died. Otwoma

smhtrain2 wrote:

> I talked to Nada last night. She was rather snotty and she easily

> annoyed me. She said she had been waiting for me to call and tell

> her what was new. Guess she can't call me. (I work in the schools)

> Then she said in a snippy voice, " Well, I wish I had the summer's

> off.I only got 2 days. " I said that she could have gone to school

to

> be a teacher. She said that wasn't possible and that she wish she

> had parents who paid for her to go to college.

> Yeah, like I didn't have to work 2 jobs all through college AND

have

> a load of student loans that took me over 10 years to pay off.

****Wouldn't she have just choked if you had said, 'Yeah, I wish I

had parents who had paid for my college too. I ended up with 10

years of student loans! "

............... ...................>

> I hate how I get sucked into the FOG so easily. I hate that I will

> never have a real mom.

********It is quite an effort to get out of the nada FOG, but it is

well worth it, so don't give up. I also hate that I will never have a

real mom. I am now working on understanding and accepting that the

knowledge of this fact is better for me than all the fantasy I was

trying to create with the foo.

................. I chose not to tell Nada

> that I had gone on a little trip with my husband, or that he was

> getting laid off soon due to budget cuts. I didn't want to hear her

> anotty nasty comments. It is so SAD that I couldn't share these

> things.

**********yep, it is sad. But you really made a smart decision

here. Better for you than putting up with the nada crap.

Take care,

Sylvia

Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

" Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

Hi,

My name is and I just joined this group (just minutes

ago). I didn't plan to interact immediatly on this forum, but when I

read your post, I just wanted to tell you how much I can relate to

what your saying right there :

> > I hate how I get sucked into the FOG so easily. I hate that I

will never have a real mom.

I too have a BPD mom (also called " momster " on another forum) and I

haven't cut the link completly yet. My son was born last Febuary

(congrats about you new baby!) and it sort of revived the relation

with her for a few months..until she started to be mean again. My

husband is so furious with her that he strongly suggests that I give

up this so-called relationship.

When you say that you " hate that you will never have a real mom " , I

relate so much to this. I ache at the fact that I cannot have what

is supposed to be so normal to have. I feel abandonned. It's been a

continual topic with my therapist and basically, what I have to do is

the same process as grieving a dead person. I have to " burry " the

relationship. In a book called " Surviving a Borderline Parent " , they

even suggest to write an obituary for the person and put it away.

In the moments where I would most need a " mom " , I feel like I am 8

years old all over again. In my family history, that age correspond

precisely to the moment where she started to be delusionnal and when

here BPD traits started to be obvious to me. That's when my life

drama started...

It's hard...And it's hard also to, as you put it, get fog so easily.

When I see her, I am not very good at protecting myself from her. She

is like a spider and I walk right into her web. Is that what you

meant?

I am also sad that my son will not have a normal grandma either. And

his relationship with his grandpa (my dad) will only be partial

because I will stay away from them (my dad is still with my mom and

is kind of turning into her....).

Anyway, if you want to talk about this further, tell me how you cope

with it, I will be more than happy to share this with you.

Good night,

ps : sorry, my english is not perfect. My mother tongue is french

and I am from Montreal, Quebec (Canada).

[Guest guest]

Hi,

My name is and I just joined this group (just minutes

ago). I didn't plan to interact immediatly on this forum, but when I

read your post, I just wanted to tell you how much I can relate to

what your saying right there :

> > I hate how I get sucked into the FOG so easily. I hate that I

will never have a real mom.

I too have a BPD mom (also called " momster " on another forum) and I

haven't cut the link completly yet. My son was born last Febuary

(congrats about you new baby!) and it sort of revived the relation

with her for a few months..until she started to be mean again. My

husband is so furious with her that he strongly suggests that I give

up this so-called relationship.

When you say that you " hate that you will never have a real mom " , I

relate so much to this. I ache at the fact that I cannot have what

is supposed to be so normal to have. I feel abandonned. It's been a

continual topic with my therapist and basically, what I have to do is

the same process as grieving a dead person. I have to " burry " the

relationship. In a book called " Surviving a Borderline Parent " , they

even suggest to write an obituary for the person and put it away.

In the moments where I would most need a " mom " , I feel like I am 8

years old all over again. In my family history, that age correspond

precisely to the moment where she started to be delusionnal and when

here BPD traits started to be obvious to me. That's when my life

drama started...

It's hard...And it's hard also to, as you put it, get fog so easily.

When I see her, I am not very good at protecting myself from her. She

is like a spider and I walk right into her web. Is that what you

meant?

I am also sad that my son will not have a normal grandma either. And

his relationship with his grandpa (my dad) will only be partial

because I will stay away from them (my dad is still with my mom and

is kind of turning into her....).

Anyway, if you want to talk about this further, tell me how you cope

with it, I will be more than happy to share this with you.

Good night,

ps : sorry, my english is not perfect. My mother tongue is french

and I am from Montreal, Quebec (Canada).