Re: Re: Feeling shame/guilt for two

[Guest guest]

" Often our BP moms make us feel

that whatever has happened, it is our fault, and we often take this

with us into our adult lives. "

Perhaps it is this trait that sets us up for a BP relationship in our adult

lives?

Otwoma

smhtrain2 wrote:

Did your mom make excuses to you for what she did? As a child, do

you think you felt a responsibility for helping her, because you

thought she couldn't help herself? Often our BP moms make us feel

that whatever has happened, it is our fault, and we often take this

with us into our adult lives. I am not familar with the term

projective identification, so I don't have an answer to that

questions.

Sylvia

> Over the years, when my mom would borrow money from people then

dodge

> them to avoid paying it back, she did not seem to care yet I was

full

> of shame and guilt for what she had done. Whatever it was that she

> was doing that she ought to have felt SOMETHING about, she never

cared

> at all, yet I had a problem looking people in the face or keep

myself

> from feeling bad for what she had done to them. Is this projective

> identification? It's a new term I'm reading up on. Or did I just

> take it on myself? And why? Why if I had her as my only example

did

> I just not care either? Why am I SOOOOO full of empathy that I have

> trouble not explaining away every bad thing someone has ever done to

> me (though at least I am not prone to revictimization-- I might

> understand why they did it but heck if I'll allow them to do it

again).

>

> Thanks.

Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

" Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

" Often our BP moms make us feel

that whatever has happened, it is our fault, and we often take this

with us into our adult lives. "

Perhaps it is this trait that sets us up for a BP relationship in our adult

lives?

Otwoma

smhtrain2 wrote:

Did your mom make excuses to you for what she did? As a child, do

you think you felt a responsibility for helping her, because you

thought she couldn't help herself? Often our BP moms make us feel

that whatever has happened, it is our fault, and we often take this

with us into our adult lives. I am not familar with the term

projective identification, so I don't have an answer to that

questions.

Sylvia

> Over the years, when my mom would borrow money from people then

dodge

> them to avoid paying it back, she did not seem to care yet I was

full

> of shame and guilt for what she had done. Whatever it was that she

> was doing that she ought to have felt SOMETHING about, she never

cared

> at all, yet I had a problem looking people in the face or keep

myself

> from feeling bad for what she had done to them. Is this projective

> identification? It's a new term I'm reading up on. Or did I just

> take it on myself? And why? Why if I had her as my only example

did

> I just not care either? Why am I SOOOOO full of empathy that I have

> trouble not explaining away every bad thing someone has ever done to

> me (though at least I am not prone to revictimization-- I might

> understand why they did it but heck if I'll allow them to do it

again).

>

> Thanks.

Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

" Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

" Often our BP moms make us feel

that whatever has happened, it is our fault, and we often take this

with us into our adult lives. "

Perhaps it is this trait that sets us up for a BP relationship in our adult

lives?

Otwoma

smhtrain2 wrote:

Did your mom make excuses to you for what she did? As a child, do

you think you felt a responsibility for helping her, because you

thought she couldn't help herself? Often our BP moms make us feel

that whatever has happened, it is our fault, and we often take this

with us into our adult lives. I am not familar with the term

projective identification, so I don't have an answer to that

questions.

Sylvia

> Over the years, when my mom would borrow money from people then

dodge

> them to avoid paying it back, she did not seem to care yet I was

full

> of shame and guilt for what she had done. Whatever it was that she

> was doing that she ought to have felt SOMETHING about, she never

cared

> at all, yet I had a problem looking people in the face or keep

myself

> from feeling bad for what she had done to them. Is this projective

> identification? It's a new term I'm reading up on. Or did I just

> take it on myself? And why? Why if I had her as my only example

did

> I just not care either? Why am I SOOOOO full of empathy that I have

> trouble not explaining away every bad thing someone has ever done to

> me (though at least I am not prone to revictimization-- I might

> understand why they did it but heck if I'll allow them to do it

again).

>

> Thanks.

Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

" Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

> My nada is a grown woman of 42 years still making excuses. Her idea of an

> aplogy was < " Im sorry for being a bad mother but YOU were such a BAD

CHILD I

> couldnt do any better. I did my best but you were so AWFUL my best wasnt

good

> enough. Im sorry you made me hurt you. "

...my nada said " I did the best I could with what I had, and if it isn't

good enough for you, I'm sorry " which to me doesn't sound like an apology

at all

Jackie

[Guest guest]

That was very mean of her. There is hardly anyone that would consider that

an apology. A lot of people give reasons for their behavior when they

apologize (at least in my family) but not exactly like that. I would like to

change how we do things on the apologies around here & I think that I will.

Debbie

Re: Re: Feeling shame/guilt for two

> My nada is a grown woman of 42 years still making excuses. Her idea of an

> aplogy was < " Im sorry for being a bad mother but YOU were such a BAD

CHILD I

> couldnt do any better. I did my best but you were so AWFUL my best wasnt

good

> enough. Im sorry you made me hurt you. "

>

>

>