Self-Image

[Guest guest]

I just read a report on Autism Link newsletter where a child was going

through Neural Feedback therapy (something I'm familiar with and how it can

help).

The child while the therapy was going on 'changed his self-image and felt

better about himself' (not exact quote) which had me wondering about that

aspect of us Aspies.

I know of the self-image problems of people with disabilities which is

forced upon ourselves (I have a few disabilities myself, and was into

advocacy) so there is that BUT I'm wondering about Aspie ( & Autism in

general) persons (any age) having a bad self-image " naturally " as a " born

with " function rather than taught by bad parents (which I did have).

It sounded like the child was naturally self-critical through the common

OCPD (Obsessive / Compulsive Personality Disorder - an old diagnosis of mine

before the Aspie discovery & diagnosis) as we are noticing our behavior " as

bad " and therefore taking ourselves down a notch.

Is it common? And therefore a part of our condition (both good and bad)

which is then handled and hopefully in time " reversed " ?

A note: the good side of " poor self image " as it is labeled is that as

Aspies we are looking at ourselves " in the mirror " and seeing where we are

making mistakes and are doing something wrong when it is common (these days

especially) where NT's don't pay attention to their own actions and don't

realize their own bad behavior (fast & reckless driving & law breaking for

example).

I also had two components, as I recently realized, of our " bad " self-image

problem. One is the negative self putting downs ( " I'm not ok, but you are "

a reverse of the current trend of " I'm perfect, you suck " attitudes - terms

derived from the 1970's " I'm ok, your not ok " psychology books). The other

is a good one as I try to describe it and no one gets it. It's a " laughing

at oneself " humor, like a " I trip, I fall, I laugh at my so called

clumsiness, like 'oh, my, I am so clumsy' " that some people do in a harmless

way.

In my case it's a self observation of my behavior that has been going on all

my life as I learned how to understand behavior through Psychology classes

in High School and Business College. I make jokes about how things seem to

go bad for me all the time. Like my asset in Quality Assurance.

I think I can say it here on the list server as an illustration:

I have " Randy's variation of 's Law: everything that can go wrong,

will go wrong. And it certainly does for me. " . People, it's a JOKE!

's Law (you know your old if your remember THAT! And it's posters!)

was a joke, not serious! It's a funny look at coincidences and things that

happen in life. Yet when I talk about it, it always seems to come across as

self-depreciation. Bah!

It's an asset in my case as it does NOT bring down my feelings but is how I

explain how I am such a TREMENDOUS (yes, I do have a substantial Ego

problem!) ability to find defects in something I'm using or testing that

most won't find. So as a result when a product (software is my specialty

though current unemployed) is put through my insidious tests, it will come

out " bug free " (if the manager allows most all of the reproducible bugs to

be fixed)!

One wonders how someone can build a jet airplane fuel tank with an

electrical problem that sets off a fire or explosion crashing the plane?

NOT everyone has my talent, to say the least is the answer. Plus most

employers won't hire or keep the disabled hired that work harder, especially

us Aspies.

Now I'm not advocating BAD self-image, nearly the opposite, and is just a

question of how prevalent it is in ASD persons. I do advocate (though not

force on others, sheesh!) good sensible thinking of " yes, I make mistakes "

" but I am not a bad person as I do try hard to do things correctly " . I hope

that these notes come across correctly.

Anyway, why am I having a hard time describing the sensible thinking and

feelings I have that I learned over the decades?! ;-) Any who...

All in all, it's " Hey baby, that's life!! " (smile!)

Randy Garrett

Antioch, CA USA

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