Re: - opening up - Thanks, Kath...

[Guest guest]

Hi, Kath,

Thanks so much for your kind words. sent me a message

privately and her message and your post proved to lift my spirits.

You're right about the brainwashing; there's plenty to be undone. I

hope that, like you, I will find some insight and comfort here.

Meanwhile, I have a lot of reading to do!

Take care,

>

> > I'm new to this board and reading the posts has been interesting

> and

> > eye-opening, but I have trouble bringing myself to open up and

talk

> > about what's going on inside my head because I'm feeling fairly

> > hopeless about ever being anything other than an absolutely

hateful

> > and wretched person. I feel a bit guilty about lurking even since

> the

> > others seem so admirable.

>

> **I know exactly what you mean Al. I read other posts and think -

> wow - what a great response - that really helps - how can I

> contribute here when others have it more together than I do.

>

> I told my therapist that I was not trusting - I was afraid of

people

> knowing the real me. And she says this is natural - if your own

> mother didn't accept you - the child in you will see you as

> wretched. But you're not. I now actually like myself - most of

the

> time - but still have that fear.

>

> So I doubt you are the bad person you think you are. I listen to

you

> and your sister - and I think you are both admirable. What you've

> come through - and then being able to get close again - and come

here

> and share your stories - admirable.

>

> >

> > To make matters worse, I've realized in recent weeks that all

I've

> > been told over the years by my nada about my strong suits and

> > talents, ideas about me that were then supported by my FOO, is a

> lie.

> > I'm not really very good at any of it! I can say honestly that I

> have

> > compassion (although it rarely leads to any good) and am good

with

> > numbers. That just about wraps up my good qualities.

>

> **I doubt it. Compassion is good for you - sounds like you are a

> warm, caring person. That does good in the world. I'm sure there

> are many good things about you - you are here trying to heal - and

> share so that others can. As you heal - I hope you will rediscover

> what your good qualities are. They're there - maybe you can't see

> them because of nada's brainwashing.

>

>

> > Wow! That just sounds pathetic, doesn't it? I'll think on that

and

> > post more later. Maybe opening up wouldn't be such a bad idea.

I'm

> > just afraid to open the tap. What if I can't turn it off? I've

> worked

> > so hard to keep this bottled up and I can't take the chance of

> having

> > another meltdown. I've only recently started to truly recover

from

> my

> > last nervous breakdown.

>

> **you have to do things in your own time. Personally, though

opening

> up is scary - it has done me a world of good. And for me, this is

> such a good forum for it. It seems that no matter what your

> experience, someone here has shared it - or something similar to

it.

> Being with people who understand takes away alot of the draining

> energy it takes to explain to someone who has never experienced BPD

> behavior. Also - on-line has the ability to give some space - no

one

> knows who we are - and having time to sit and write - I can think

> about questions/issues for a while without having to immediately

> answer. It helps me a lot

>

> I do hope you post more when you are ready.

> >

>

> Take care and may you find peace in your life,

> Kaht

> > Love to all...

> >

> >