Re: Holidays

[Guest guest]

Dan wrote:

>

>

> I am staying with my son. Mostly we are getting along fine. He

> decided not to see my parents at all. My parents are all over the

> place. First they want to see me, then they don't. As it stands

> now I will spend Thursday and Friday with my sister, and spend some

> time with my father there, but my mother doesn't want to see me at

> all. The problem seems to be that I told her what conditions would

> be OK for me to see her in, so she couldn't undermine my

boundaries,

> and that is absolutely unacceptable for her. I think the only

> purpose she can see for me is to undermine my boundaries. Absolute

> power or nothing.

>

> My son is working this week and I am touring Boston by myself.

>

> My wife is visiting her family which is scattered around Wyoming.

> She hasn't contacted me and I don't know where she can be reached.

>

> What I am learning is that my family is even crazier than I thought

> possible.

**I think this all the time. But I think there is no such thing as

a " normal " family - and ours are crazier than a lot of other people's.

> Sometimes I think that the problem is what my mother told

> me when I was a kid - that I am just not a nice person and nobody

> wants to be around me.

**Dan I find that so hard to believe. That was just nada making you

feel guilty and want to cling to her more. If I remember correctly,

it's your nada who thinks people should be totally enmeshed with her -

with no boundaries of their own. If she could convince you others

didn't like you - then where else could you go but to nada. I read

your posts - you are warm and caring. I don't believe your nada even

an iota!!!

> Right now I think I just have to accept that

> I do not have a family and never did.

**Dan, what about your son? That sounds like family. I think most

of us don't have the family we wished for. And in some families

salvaging relationships may not be possible. I'm lucky that my

sisters see nada for what she is - though they disagree with my nc -

they understand and are supportive.

And I've always believed (maybe because of nada - but I didn't know

it when I first felt this way) - you can't choose family - but you

can choose your friends. My close friends are definately my family.

Take care and believe in yourself,

Kath

> - Dan

[Guest guest]

Dan wrote:

> ... Right now I think I just have to accept that

> I do not have a family and never did.

Hi Dan,

Greetings from California.

Your post brought back memories. At 19 yo, moved as far west as I could

go (to get away from my nada) w/o falling in the ocean. At 20 yo I

married my BPD/NPD hubby.

My parents are both now deceased but what you wrote, above, was true for

me. Growing up I never knew what a " normal " family was supposed to be

like. Instead, I was a receptacle for my nada's *shame*, and then I

married someone just like her.

I learned what a normal family was supposed to be like by reading

Bradshaw's book titled " Bradshaw On: The Family " . It was an eye opener

for me a few years back. There's probably a copy there in a local library.

- Edith

[Guest guest]

Dan wrote:

> ... Right now I think I just have to accept that

> I do not have a family and never did.

Hi Dan,

Greetings from California.

Your post brought back memories. At 19 yo, moved as far west as I could

go (to get away from my nada) w/o falling in the ocean. At 20 yo I

married my BPD/NPD hubby.

My parents are both now deceased but what you wrote, above, was true for

me. Growing up I never knew what a " normal " family was supposed to be

like. Instead, I was a receptacle for my nada's *shame*, and then I

married someone just like her.

I learned what a normal family was supposed to be like by reading

Bradshaw's book titled " Bradshaw On: The Family " . It was an eye opener

for me a few years back. There's probably a copy there in a local library.

- Edith