Checking in....DEPRESSED/PAIN/FATIGUE!!!

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone,

I've missed all of you so much! As usual, things haven't been going

too well. I've even been to depressed to post to the list.

I'm " trying " to work, only b/c I must. I've never heard a thing from

the SS office regarding my disability claim, and the guy that took my

app. told me that I'm making too much money to get benefits. He

looked at my 2003 W2's! I'm working now, although sparingly, and as

little as I can, to get by. The pain is excruciating and my

depression level is at an all time high. I feel trapped and I feel

like my family and friends are tired of hearing about my whoa's! So,

for the most part, I've kind of isolated myself. I must try and work

b/c I have NO other source of income and I don't want to end up on

the streets. Yet each day I work, I cry on the way to work, on the

way home and at each break. I can't get the pain to go away and I

get so depressed and feel hopeless. It seems as though the people

I'm around personally have forgotten, or chose to forget, that I'm in

severe pain all of the time. They push me, sometimes way over my

limits. Even my own mother, who has witness me falling asleep while

in the middle of a conversation with her, pushes me to drive to far

away places and at night, knowing that I could fall asleep at the

wheel anytime. Then she has the nerve to tell me that she worries

about me. It's always been an " I love you - go away " relationship

with her. It hurts that she's totally willing to risk my life. Then

if something would happen to me, she'd pull the " poor me " act.

The fatigue problem is much worse also. I've actually been passing

out! I fall asleep standing up anymore. When I work, I need to pull

over to sleep on my way home. I'd gotten a good case of bronchitis

from sleeping in my car and getting so cold. My doctor refuses to

address this problem and won't fight the insurance co. for me to get

the Provigil, which would help me to stay alert and awake. Last week

I passed out while sitting on my couch and slammed my face and head

down on the coffee table. Luckily, my shoulder took most of the

impact. It could have been much worse.

I'm just so depressed about all of this and for the way my life has

turned out. I don't know where to go with this depression. Before I

could at least read a book or do my art work, but lately I feel like

a ton of bricks are holding me down, preventing me from doing

anything. I must work this Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and I'm

already getting panicky thinking of how I'm going to get through

these three days b/c of the pain and the severe fatigue.

Sorry to have rambled. I just don't know where to turn. I cry a lot

and keep praying that I'll get better, but then I start thinking that

even God has forgotten about me.

Thanks for listening and for being here :-)

Always,

Kathy K.

[Guest guest]

Kathy K wrote: <snipped>

> Sorry to have rambled. I just don't know where to turn. I cry a lot

> and keep praying that I'll get better, but then I start thinking that

> even God has forgotten about me.

Kathy, I wish I had some useful answers for you, but at the moment I can't think

of a darned thing that hasn't been mentioned before. So, I'm sending you

cyberhugs in hopes that it conveys my feelings.

(((((((((((((((Kathy)))))))))))))))

--

Lyndi

[Guest guest]

Kathy K wrote: <snipped>

> Sorry to have rambled. I just don't know where to turn. I cry a lot

> and keep praying that I'll get better, but then I start thinking that

> even God has forgotten about me.

Kathy, I wish I had some useful answers for you, but at the moment I can't think

of a darned thing that hasn't been mentioned before. So, I'm sending you

cyberhugs in hopes that it conveys my feelings.

(((((((((((((((Kathy)))))))))))))))

--

Lyndi

[Guest guest]

Kathy K wrote: <snipped>

> Sorry to have rambled. I just don't know where to turn. I cry a lot

> and keep praying that I'll get better, but then I start thinking that

> even God has forgotten about me.

Kathy, I wish I had some useful answers for you, but at the moment I can't think

of a darned thing that hasn't been mentioned before. So, I'm sending you

cyberhugs in hopes that it conveys my feelings.

(((((((((((((((Kathy)))))))))))))))

--

Lyndi

[Guest guest]

Thanks Lyndi,

Thank you for your response :-) I know there's not going to be a

cure all here. Wouldn't it be neat if there was? :-D I'm just so

glad for all of the support and it really helps me to read other's

posts. I know I'm not alone, and that means more than any pain

medication! I'm just so glad to have all of you :-)

I had to stop and by some Vivarin today on my way to work. I wasn't

even 1/3 of the way there and my eyes were closing. The last thing

my father took before he got sick, and then died two days later

was " No Doze " . I don't like to mess with this stuff, but I'm

desperate. My doctor refuses to fight for me with the insurance

company so I can get on the prescription drug Provigil, for the

narcolepsy. Does he think I'm kidding with him when I tell him that

I'm basically passing out anymore! I really don't know if it's

fatigue and I'm just falling asleep suddenly without warning, or if

I'm passing out and it's some other problem.

I did make it through 8 hours of work tonight, but I had to take an

early break and go to my car b/c I was starting to cry inside the

facility where I was working, b/c of the pain. I can't imagine

living the rest of my life like this. I'm so worn down and exhausted

from it all already.

Thanks to everyone for being here!

Kathy K.