Re: DSM-IV criteria 1:Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment:

[Guest guest]

I will go through this with you .

>

> Criteria #1:

> Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment:

>

My mother's favorite saying for my younger years was:

Do you love me or do you not, you told me once but I forgot.

nothing really wrong with that.

I have seen her get down on her knees to beg one of her husbands not to

leave.

She has lied about " the doctor said that I have cancer " there was no cancer.

Recently, a week ago it was two things.

I remember all the nice things your kids did for me, they were really good

to me when I was sick. I now remember how you fed me when I was in the

hospital.

The doctor told me that I only have a year to live. Here's my address &

phone number.

Is that enough? I am not sure as I do not have the book yet.

Debbie

> Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

> http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I will go through this with you .

>

> Criteria #1:

> Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment:

>

My mother's favorite saying for my younger years was:

Do you love me or do you not, you told me once but I forgot.

nothing really wrong with that.

I have seen her get down on her knees to beg one of her husbands not to

leave.

She has lied about " the doctor said that I have cancer " there was no cancer.

Recently, a week ago it was two things.

I remember all the nice things your kids did for me, they were really good

to me when I was sick. I now remember how you fed me when I was in the

hospital.

The doctor told me that I only have a year to live. Here's my address &

phone number.

Is that enough? I am not sure as I do not have the book yet.

Debbie

> Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

> http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Criteria #1:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment:

Sometime in late May, 1997:

The tension had become unbearable between my parents. My father had

threatened to leave my mother on numerous occasions if she did not

resume her medication and therapy for BPD. It was about 10 pm and I

had a sick feeling in my stomach that something terrible was

happening at my parents' house. I told my houseguest that I was

going to drive over there and just see what was going on (I would

never be this brave or stupid nowadays). When I arrived, I noticed

my father's car parked on the street, running with no lights on. I

approached the car and saw my dad in the car, just sitting there. I

opened the door and he immediately hushed me and told me to get

in. " What are you doing? " I asked. " Hiding from your Mother,

trying to get some sleep. She's in full tilt tonight. She's taken

something and got into the gin. " We just sat there in silence for a

bit. " Will you come in there with me? " I said OK. I was actually

curious and also felt like my Dad needed a witness because I know how

no one can ever believe our stories. We crept through the garage

trying to be quiet and as we opened the door into the house, there

was dead weight against it. Nada was " passed out " with her body up

against the door. We managed to get in and once the door closed

back, her body flopped back against it like a dead fish. I knew she

wasn't dead because I had seen her eyes barely open. Dad and I sat

over her panicking that she had ODed. We slapped her face, put a wet

washcloth on her and my Dad tried to get her to talk and say what she

had taken. Our house was loaded with meds as my dad was a doctor and

she really could have taken anything (I think it turned out to be

Xanax.). We managed to carry her to the guest bedroom. Both of us

just sat there looking at her sadly. Tears started to well in my

eyes and my Dad, reassured me, " She's fine. Trust me. " Well, not

five minutes after that she starts slinging insults, still laying

there, just saying anything mean. Her speech was still slurry, but

she was definitely coming back to life. About 30 minutes passed and

she was able to stand up and start up the stairs, still saying nasty

abusive things, so I decided it was time to take my exit. At least

they would both get some sleep.

About 2 hours later, my phone rings and it's my Dad's cell phone. I

answered and he asked if he could come sleep at my house. He had to

see patients started at 8 am and he needed some sleep. I was nervous

about it as I knew Nada would be on the prowl, but I agreed. We hid

his car behind a dumpster 3 neighborhoods down so that Nada wouldn't

find it. He came in, brushed his teeth and fell to sleep. Then my

phone rang again, it was Nada. I let it ring. Bright headlights

shined through my window. It was Nada and she had a key. She

stopped her car, I woke up Dad to hide him, but something stopped her-

--ahhh, my houseguest's car. She got back in and screeched off.

Phone rings at least 6 more times. I finally answer in my best " I'm

asleep " voice. " Where is your father? " " huh, Isn't he at

home? " " Give me a break. I'm sure he called you. " Pause. " Mom,

what are you doing driving around? " " Well, I just left the shelter

for battered woman. " Pause. I looked over at my Dad who was asleep

again. Then she started screaming about my father beating her and I

just hung up and left the phone off the hook.

I asked my Dad about him beating her the next day. He told me he had

grabbed her by the arms and pushed her after she had beat the locked

doorknob of my brother's bedroom off with a hammer and came after

him.

Despite all of Nada's efforts to keep Dad from leaving. He never

went back.

Blessings,