Re: Feeding kids/OT to Kim

October 23, 2004

Thanks Sylvia =)

MIL's side of the family HAS ALL had eating disorders (none on mine, till

me), yet I have now spent almost HALF of my life around MIL and her family which

is more than the amount of time I even lived with NADA....Yesterday I got

into it with MIL, she was off the wall again, she is compulsive in cleaning,

and making certain that everyone " LOOKS PERFECT " ...The perfect house, the

perfect clothing, the most gorgeous and expensive jewels....She can never allow

herself to admit that she has gained more than 5lbs, that she needs a size 8

etc..She has the problem, and I REFUSE to allow her to speak of my perfect,

kind, sensitive little girl the way she does. So she started again yesterday,

" Kim, you must make sure that you look perfect, that those children look

perfect for the Bar Mitzvah, YOU HAVE to show everyone that you are OK! I am

coming

over at 3pm (my heart starts to beat 100miles an hr) to see you in your

dress, and to see granddaughter in hers! "

So I compulsively CLEANED AND CLEANED all day long (like Jana I am freaked

to have people over), she came, and told me that my dress was TO BIG, send it

back and get a smaller size NOW, and told me that my daughters dress was

toooooo big (HA HA, she bought it and she picked the big size) and that had to

go

back.

Anyhow, I told MIL that I NEVER want to talk about weight issues concerning

my daughter, as I NEVER want my daughter to end up like I did, or HOW MIL DID

=) MIL got quiet and said NOTHING more =)

I get very angry when adults (doesn't matter who) mess with my children's

minds, or hurt their tiny feelings, I have no problem telling MIL to go screw

around with her own weight issues, and to leave my perfectly healthy, happy

child alone =)

Thanks Sylvia, you have given me some good ideas in helping my daughter even

more.

I really appreciate the support =)

Kim

In a message dated 10/23/2004 9:24:46 AM Eastern Standard Time,

smhtrain2@... writes:

Hi Kim,

I just remembered that when nada, or someone else would criticize one

of my kids - especially if the child could hear the criticism - I

would give the speaker a somewhat puzzled look and say " I think

he/she is just PERFECT the way he/she is! " And I would flash a big

smile or give my child a hug. That way I was disagreeing with the

speaker, and letting my child know how much he/she was loved.

Another thing I thought to say was.... " (Child's name) isn't going to

have such shallow friends. " This didn't usually get the speaker to

change their mind, but I wasn't doing it for that reason (although I

still did feel bad about that). I did it because I wanted to get

that negative thought out of my child's head, and put a positive one

in there. Then, again, just telling the 'old biddy' to shut up isn't

a bad option either, LOL! I know you are working on bettering your

relationship with MIL, so I guess the last wouldn't be good - but

hey, you can just think it, even if you don't say it!

Take care - and I am sending supporting and encouraging thoughts out

to you,

Sylvia

>

> In a message dated 10/22/2004 5:44:18 PM Eastern Standard Time,

> journeyworksf@y... writes:

>

> http://www.wbir.com/style/style.aspx?storyid=20540

>

> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

>

> Cool, that was refreshing =) I have much to say about this, and

will reply

> when I can think lol, a bit tired tonight...Just know how much I

thank all of

> you for the support and help in dealing w/my own daughter...You all

just have

> no idea how much it has helped me.

> Now I must figure out how to make a boundry with MIL et al, and

make it

> stick without coming off harsh, or rude-----Then again maybe I need

to be very

> direct, and if it comes out harsh, well it certainly is not as

harsh as

> hearing about my 9yr olds " BELLY " .....How she should starve, or how

she should

> " look. " NO way will I allow anyone in the family to crush her self

esteem, she is

> doing so well, and is so happy.

>

> Thank you all! You are really getting me through some of the most

difficult

> times in my life.

>

> I appreciate it very much,

>

> Most Sincerely,

>

> Kim

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

October 23, 2004