Guest guest Posted August 9, 2004 Report Share Posted August 9, 2004 How did your Nada react to not being invited? My Nada insists on coming over for every birthday. We even had a sleepover for 8 little boys and she came for that. She says " my grandparents were at my parties and I want to be at my grandson's birthday. It hasn't always been pretty- she usually does something to spoil the moment or piss me off. I do my best to avoid being irritated, but it id difficult. I know if I say, " don't come " then she will use that against me later, or whine to my sone that I was a meanie and wouldn't let her be there. Damned if you do, damned if you don't... How do I get her to stay away...nicely? Di. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2004 Report Share Posted August 9, 2004 It was easy. She doesn't remember their birthdays anymore. Usually chalks it up to her being so " busy " (she doesn't do a thing all day). She also complains of being sick & dying of this unexplained stomach ailment for months (she seems pretty plump & healthy to me), so I figure if she's that ill, it would be inconsiderate of me to invite her to events. Strangely this " illness " began when she disowned my sister, but that's another story! I, too, do my best to avoid being irritated, but I know it's impossible now. Too many years of " training " ! ;-) I think the best way for me to be kind to her is to keep away from her most of the time. As for getting her to stay away, I actually wound up changing my locks when I was on maternity leave a few months ago & she was in her extremely intrusive mode-- & I was in my postpartum hormonal mode ;-). I just could not take it anymore & I was actually feeling very threatened by her & her obsessiveness with my 9 year old daughter. I noticed her starting to split her bad one day & that was it. Since then she assumes she's in exile & that's fine with me. I have not extended an invitation. I can't tell you how wonderful my life is now, how good a relationship I have with my kids & husband, and how much I enjoy life since I did that. Wouldn't give it up for anything. Sounds like maybe you need to set a boundary, like it's a kids-only party & explain to your kids ahead of time when nada's behavior is not appropriate. Mine know that nada loves her in her own way but that her mind is sick & she says inappropriate things. I don't go into details, I just point out how silly what she says is. And I keep them away from her except under very controlled circumstances where I can leave when things get nuts. > How did your Nada react to not being invited? My Nada insists on > coming over for every birthday. We even had a sleepover for 8 little > boys and she came for that. She says " my grandparents were at my > parties and I want to be at my grandson's birthday. It hasn't always > been pretty- she usually does something to spoil the moment or piss > me off. I do my best to avoid being irritated, but it id difficult. > > I know if I say, " don't come " then she will use that against me > later, or whine to my sone that I was a meanie and wouldn't let her > be there. Damned if you do, damned if you don't... > > How do I get her to stay away...nicely? > > Di. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2004 Report Share Posted August 9, 2004 It was easy. She doesn't remember their birthdays anymore. Usually chalks it up to her being so " busy " (she doesn't do a thing all day). She also complains of being sick & dying of this unexplained stomach ailment for months (she seems pretty plump & healthy to me), so I figure if she's that ill, it would be inconsiderate of me to invite her to events. Strangely this " illness " began when she disowned my sister, but that's another story! I, too, do my best to avoid being irritated, but I know it's impossible now. Too many years of " training " ! ;-) I think the best way for me to be kind to her is to keep away from her most of the time. As for getting her to stay away, I actually wound up changing my locks when I was on maternity leave a few months ago & she was in her extremely intrusive mode-- & I was in my postpartum hormonal mode ;-). I just could not take it anymore & I was actually feeling very threatened by her & her obsessiveness with my 9 year old daughter. I noticed her starting to split her bad one day & that was it. Since then she assumes she's in exile & that's fine with me. I have not extended an invitation. I can't tell you how wonderful my life is now, how good a relationship I have with my kids & husband, and how much I enjoy life since I did that. Wouldn't give it up for anything. Sounds like maybe you need to set a boundary, like it's a kids-only party & explain to your kids ahead of time when nada's behavior is not appropriate. Mine know that nada loves her in her own way but that her mind is sick & she says inappropriate things. I don't go into details, I just point out how silly what she says is. And I keep them away from her except under very controlled circumstances where I can leave when things get nuts. > How did your Nada react to not being invited? My Nada insists on > coming over for every birthday. We even had a sleepover for 8 little > boys and she came for that. She says " my grandparents were at my > parties and I want to be at my grandson's birthday. It hasn't always > been pretty- she usually does something to spoil the moment or piss > me off. I do my best to avoid being irritated, but it id difficult. > > I know if I say, " don't come " then she will use that against me > later, or whine to my sone that I was a meanie and wouldn't let her > be there. Damned if you do, damned if you don't... > > How do I get her to stay away...nicely? > > Di. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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