Re: how to control thinking

[Guest guest]

Hi, Dee,

Thanks for the suggestions. I'm going to try them all. I think the

rubber band suggestion will help me most during the day. I don't

spend large blocks of time thinking about her as a rule. She comes in

sound bytes. " Why are you doing that like that? " etc...

At night, I think of her for longer periods of time. Usually, it's

after a nightmare wakes me up. Maybe I should start getting out of

bed when that happens and reading, because the longer I think, the

more agitated I become until I can't sleep at all.

I like the saving game too. Maybe I'll save enough for a cruise or

something. I'm going to try everything. That was neat what the

parents did about the critical grandma. They turned it into something

as fun and positive as they could. But it's awful, isn't it? My nada

criticized one of my sons that way. One was spit good, one bad.

I will also try and get the book by Lund. Thanks for all the

help. I'm serious about conquering this.

Les

[Guest guest]

Dear Les,

I've been meaning to let you know that my nada was also obsessed

with every tiny, miniscule move I made, and wanted to correct it or

criticize it. There was a comment, almost always negative, on

literally every move I made! If I put dishes in the dishwasher,

they would be rearranged. If I made a sandwich, was I eating

AGAIN? Or, don't eat that turkey, it's old, it smells, ICK, throw

it away. If I was watching tv, she would come in and make comments

about the 'immorality' of the show. If I was reading, why wasn't I

outside playing? I have actually repressed most of my childhood so

I don't want to think too much further into this. I just wanted to

say the exact same thing happened to me. I suppose this is why I

actually feel more comfortable now being watched (on stage, in front

of a class or crowd) than not. It was a natural state of affairs

for me. But it also challenges my budding relationships, bks I

almost feel neglected if someone isn't paying attention to every

move I make. Hmmm... This is something I need to work on, I

think! There are SO many issues from my childhood. Anyhow thanks

for pointing that out Les, it helped me to organize my thoughts and

see the same thing had happened to me!!

By the way, I still do think reading the Waif chapter in UBM (have

you?) will help banish the nada thoughts from your head. It has

also helped me to disassociate myself from those thoughts--to tell

myself I'M not really having them, it is only the child in me that

hasn't grown up. To think of that part of me as separate, and to

nurse it, has really helped me to get control of those emotions, bks

it's like placing them outside of myself. Of course, it's only been

four days that I've known about the waif. I could still be

struggling after 10 years and then be writing posts to that

effect ...

Chch

>

> Hi, Dee,

>

> Thanks for the suggestions. I'm going to try them all. I think

the

> rubber band suggestion will help me most during the day. I don't

> spend large blocks of time thinking about her as a rule. She

comes in

> sound bytes. " Why are you doing that like that? " etc...

>

> At night, I think of her for longer periods of time. Usually, it's

> after a nightmare wakes me up. Maybe I should start getting out of

> bed when that happens and reading, because the longer I think, the

> more agitated I become until I can't sleep at all.

>

> I like the saving game too. Maybe I'll save enough for a cruise or

> something. I'm going to try everything. That was neat what the

> parents did about the critical grandma. They turned it into

something

> as fun and positive as they could. But it's awful, isn't it? My

nada

> criticized one of my sons that way. One was spit good, one bad.

>

> I will also try and get the book by Lund. Thanks for all the

> help. I'm serious about conquering this.

> Les

[Guest guest]

Hi, Charlie,

You wrote:

> I've been meaning to let you know that my nada was also obsessed

> with every tiny, miniscule move I made, and wanted to correct it or

> criticize it. ... I suppose this is why I

> actually feel more comfortable now being watched (on stage, in front

> of a class or crowd) than not. It was a natural state of affairs

> for me. But it also challenges my budding relationships, bks I

> almost feel neglected if someone isn't paying attention to every

> move I make.

Holy cow! Everyone in our family wants to be the center of attention

too. It's a regular obsession, probably brought on by trying always

to be top dog when we were all in the room with nada. We all

clustered around her, vying for attention, even as adults, while our

dad sat in a chair and drank. Sick.

Some of us are that way in public too....wanting to be watched,

noticed, etc. Some of us don't. In otherwords, some of us dance on

tables, some of us hide under them, but we all want to be the center

of attention when with nada.

I'm going to reread the whole UBM book, probably after the holidays,

but will reread the Waif chapter now as you suggested. Al and I have

both been waifing like mad lately.

I wish all of us on the board could ditch our nadas and have a KO

Christmas. That would be really fun.

Les

[Guest guest]

Hi, Charlie,

You wrote:

> I've been meaning to let you know that my nada was also obsessed

> with every tiny, miniscule move I made, and wanted to correct it or

> criticize it. ... I suppose this is why I

> actually feel more comfortable now being watched (on stage, in front

> of a class or crowd) than not. It was a natural state of affairs

> for me. But it also challenges my budding relationships, bks I

> almost feel neglected if someone isn't paying attention to every

> move I make.

Holy cow! Everyone in our family wants to be the center of attention

too. It's a regular obsession, probably brought on by trying always

to be top dog when we were all in the room with nada. We all

clustered around her, vying for attention, even as adults, while our

dad sat in a chair and drank. Sick.

Some of us are that way in public too....wanting to be watched,

noticed, etc. Some of us don't. In otherwords, some of us dance on

tables, some of us hide under them, but we all want to be the center

of attention when with nada.

I'm going to reread the whole UBM book, probably after the holidays,

but will reread the Waif chapter now as you suggested. Al and I have

both been waifing like mad lately.

I wish all of us on the board could ditch our nadas and have a KO

Christmas. That would be really fun.

Les