Re: Funeral today-Cindy

April 23, 2004

Hi ,

Glad you recognized that you were indeed 'at the wrong funeral'. That

funeral was for the occupants of your Nada's fantasy.

It will be interesting to see whether your siblings 'cannonize' nada, or fill

her void with self healing. I'm sure that your life, your peace, will be a

source of strength in the future.

Carol

In a message dated 4/23/04 8:22:16 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

Tslothrop@... writes:

Just got back from the funeral. I didn't cry. My siblings did. I

listened to the eulogy and it really didn't fit with the way I

remember my mom to be. Not for the most part. As the minister spoke I

would visualize the " behind the scenes " version. For example, he said

something about how she went to college later in her life and dreamed

of being a teacher and all I could see was her screaming and raging

if anyone made a sound while she was studying and then started

drinking heavily and one by one everyone in the family had to leave

the house because nobody could handle it. I was sixteen or seventeen

and left too. It almost became funny the images that were popping

into my head. " Loving mother " conjured up images of

raging.... " supportive mother " and I would think of how she never

listened to me or asked me about my life. After my sis read her

eulogy I leaned over to my husband and said " Am I at the right

funeral? " Anyway, I feel sad because of the finality and the loss of

the mother I will never have but I have grieved the bulk of that over

the past year. Both of my parents are buried side by side and I am

glad they are free and that I am too and I wish them peace. Thanks

for listening.........

April 23, 2004

Very well put, Carol. I felt so confused with everyone telling me

sorry for such a big loss and how much she loved me and how she was

so proud of all of her kids ......huh? I didn't even flinch. I know I

had a blank expression on my face and here their eyes were read and

swollen from crying. It just wasn't there. It's not like I suppressed

the tears, there were none. I cried and grieved a lot over the past

year and so her physical death was not as big an upset because I

already realized after ending contact that I would probably never see

her again. It was a strange day, lots of feelings, but mostly I was

detached.

> Hi ,

>

> Glad you recognized that you were indeed 'at the wrong funeral'.

That

> funeral was for the occupants of your Nada's fantasy.

>

> It will be interesting to see whether your siblings 'cannonize'

nada, or fill

> her void with self healing. I'm sure that your life, your peace,

will be a

> source of strength in the future.

> Carol

>

> In a message dated 4/23/04 8:22:16 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> Tslothrop@w... writes:

> Just got back from the funeral. I didn't cry. My siblings did. I

> listened to the eulogy and it really didn't fit with the way I

> remember my mom to be. Not for the most part. As the minister spoke

I

> would visualize the " behind the scenes " version. For example, he

said

> something about how she went to college later in her life and

dreamed

> of being a teacher and all I could see was her screaming and raging

> if anyone made a sound while she was studying and then started

> drinking heavily and one by one everyone in the family had to leave

> the house because nobody could handle it. I was sixteen or

seventeen

> and left too. It almost became funny the images that were popping

> into my head. " Loving mother " conjured up images of

> raging.... " supportive mother " and I would think of how she never

> listened to me or asked me about my life. After my sis read her

> eulogy I leaned over to my husband and said " Am I at the right

> funeral? " Anyway, I feel sad because of the finality and the loss

of

> the mother I will never have but I have grieved the bulk of that

over

> the past year. Both of my parents are buried side by side and I am

> glad they are free and that I am too and I wish them peace. Thanks

> for listening.........

>

April 23, 2004