Re: Being respected by others/kim

[Guest guest]

Start with a total ban on all negative comments. ALL. No crappy tone of voice,

no sarcasm (comes from greek word to tear flesh) NO put downs, no talking about

shutting mouth, etc. Just say " pretend I'm a client and act accordingly " --- Then

when you get good at guarding yourself you can work on increasing self esteem

and healing. Once you are good at fearless self-protection, as in " how dare you!

I do not allow anyone, least of all those who claim to care about me, to speak

to me in that way " etc. Once you are XENA, you can ease off because it wont

bother you anymore, when other people have feelings or pitch fits or get upset

you can allow them to keep it and not take it on yourself. - jana

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

> Just say " pretend I'm a client and act accordingly " --- >

>

I had to chuckle when I read this part of your post.

When I get upset with my mother (which is most of the time now), I

try to act in a very " business like manner " . This actually

infuriates her. She has commented on my business-like demeanor and

states that she will not put up with that kind of treatment. As she

is " name-calling " me, I always respond back that I'm very proud of

myself for not ranting, cursing, screaming, etc. at her.

I know that I for one would insist on be treated in a " business-like "

manner by someone who was angry at me.

I'm always curious as to what she is REALLY looking for. The only 2

things I can come up with are:

1. I do whatever she wants so there is no argument OR

2. I engage in an argument with her so that there is at least some

form of communication ongoing between us (we currently only rarely

speak to each other).

I guess with either of these alternatives she would feel she

has " won " something.

Who knows! I give up!

[Guest guest]

> Just say " pretend I'm a client and act accordingly " --- >

>

I had to chuckle when I read this part of your post.

When I get upset with my mother (which is most of the time now), I

try to act in a very " business like manner " . This actually

infuriates her. She has commented on my business-like demeanor and

states that she will not put up with that kind of treatment. As she

is " name-calling " me, I always respond back that I'm very proud of

myself for not ranting, cursing, screaming, etc. at her.

I know that I for one would insist on be treated in a " business-like "

manner by someone who was angry at me.

I'm always curious as to what she is REALLY looking for. The only 2

things I can come up with are:

1. I do whatever she wants so there is no argument OR

2. I engage in an argument with her so that there is at least some

form of communication ongoing between us (we currently only rarely

speak to each other).

I guess with either of these alternatives she would feel she

has " won " something.

Who knows! I give up!

[Guest guest]

> Just say " pretend I'm a client and act accordingly " --- >

>

I had to chuckle when I read this part of your post.

When I get upset with my mother (which is most of the time now), I

try to act in a very " business like manner " . This actually

infuriates her. She has commented on my business-like demeanor and

states that she will not put up with that kind of treatment. As she

is " name-calling " me, I always respond back that I'm very proud of

myself for not ranting, cursing, screaming, etc. at her.

I know that I for one would insist on be treated in a " business-like "

manner by someone who was angry at me.

I'm always curious as to what she is REALLY looking for. The only 2

things I can come up with are:

1. I do whatever she wants so there is no argument OR

2. I engage in an argument with her so that there is at least some

form of communication ongoing between us (we currently only rarely

speak to each other).

I guess with either of these alternatives she would feel she

has " won " something.

Who knows! I give up!