Re: lying and stealing loved ones

[Guest guest]

My nada's MO is to rally our common friends and family to call and

me and encourage me to repent and come back to her or something.

Yeah, go back to just being her little puppet and stone to kick down

the street and an excuse for her eternal unhappiness. My therapist

said that the new term for recruiting other people is " mugging. "

Nada is a big mugger!

The lying is rough, too. From what I understand, though, between

the altered brain development in the hippocampus where memory is

processed and coordinated, nada probably has no accurate memory of

reality, or a reasonably similar concept of what transpires.

Especially with the emotionally charged stuff, I really believe that

they (my nada and my nada-in-law) do not remember the horrible,

degrading and destructive things that they have said. What's really

wild is when my nada in law and BP sister-in-law confabulate

everything to make me at fault for everything including the Iraqi

conflict. So glad I don't have to deal with the inlaws anymore.

Nada's enough for me. Too much, most of the time.

K

> > She lies all the time especailly aobut her family to make

> > others think she has a terrible family and will give her the

whole

> > poor me deal. .... I was physically sick after listening to how

> she felt about my dad. She told me story after story about ways we

> had apparently mistreated my mother. ...It actaully made me

> > sick thinking that my mom could rundown her family like that to

> > other people. Some of the lies are completely made up with no

> stake in reality and others she twists to suit her so people give

> her the sympathy she wants. Does this sound familiar?

[Guest guest]

Hi KO,

I'm in this boat too! My mom even lies about her medical problems to

guilt me into coming back. She uses friends, relatives whoever will

listen to her. How come they buy it?!

Also, I couldn't believe your comment about Iraq because I'm

convinced that somehow in her mind the Iraqi war is also my fathers

fault!!!

The only thing is I think she does remember the horrible things she

says but in her mind she thinks they're not as horrible as the way

she thinks she's treated by those she splits bad. And I think she

thinks she's entitled to say them because her nasty words are nothing

compared to how evil anyone is who doesn't feel the way she feels.

When she went to a therapist with my dad the therapist told her that

every time she opened her mouth she was slapping my father in the

face. Of course that therapy ended and that therapist is nuts!

cntbreathe

> > > She lies all the time especailly aobut her family to make

> > > others think she has a terrible family and will give her the

> whole

> > > poor me deal. .... I was physically sick after listening to how

> > she felt about my dad. She told me story after story about ways

we

> > had apparently mistreated my mother. ...It actaully made me

> > > sick thinking that my mom could rundown her family like that to

> > > other people. Some of the lies are completely made up with no

> > stake in reality and others she twists to suit her so people give

> > her the sympathy she wants. Does this sound familiar?

[Guest guest]

>

**My nada is so much like this too. It's so hard to accept that this

is the way she will always be.

> The only thing is I think she does remember the horrible things she

> says but in her mind she thinks they're not as horrible as the way

> she thinks she's treated by those she splits bad. And I think she

> thinks she's entitled to say them because her nasty words are

nothing

> compared to how evil anyone is who doesn't feel the way she feels.

***I think nada thinks she's entitled because she speaks

the " truth " . When nada was telling the kids some horrible, untrue

stuff about my dad - my sister stepped in and told her to leave - I

got in front of her and wouldn't let her back over by the kids - so

she starts screaming " They don't want you to know the truth. Your

mother is a liar. You need to know the truth. " - pretty rough on the

4 and 6 year old.

> When she went to a therapist with my dad the therapist told her

that

> every time she opened her mouth she was slapping my father in the

> face. Of course that therapy ended and that therapist is nuts!

****can't count the number of times this has happened - unfortunately

nada turns racist - not only is the therapist nuts - it's because

they are a dirty (fill in an ethnic group/race) b**ch/B**tard.

**Still hard to believe they don't know how nasty they are - and how

hard it is to put up with this behavior.

Take care,

Kath

> cntbreathe

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi K

I'm still in an awful state of confusion over so many things. I just

can't believe that she wouldn't remember things but then I really

think I'm giving her too much credit.

Today I'm just bursting with anger because my daughters concert is

Wed and Thurs. I left a message on her machine about it. I didn't

leave details I said call me if you want to come. Is this a flea? Am

I being controlling or should I write her a note inviting her because

she won't talk to me because she's punishing me for not thinking

feeling like she does. On the other hand I really don't want her to

come if she's going to come and make nasty snide remarks directed at

me and be super gushy over my daughter. (The last few times she's

seen my daughter she gives her a big hug and Says very loudly I miss

you so much!I think she does this to make me look bad in front of my

daughter who I won't leave alone with her because last time I did my

daughter came home in such a state she kept saying I feel like

cutting myself.)This is the fourth week she won't return my calls but

she writes me a note telling me Don't worry about me. I know this is

her way of controlling me. Funny thing is I'd rather not interact

with her but the guilt of her not seeing her granddaughters concert

is getting to me because i know somehow this ( and her messed up

life) is my fault.

No problem . I'll read your rants if you'll read mine. Who

else would understand this wackiness? Only KO's.

You got it right,winning is more important to Nada than peace and

harmony. Honestly I don't need this chaos!!!

Now I have enough energy to go clean out those closets! I'd like to

throw out all the fleas with all the old clothes and toys!!!!

cntbreathe

>

> cntbreathe,

>

> I know that my nada truly doesn't remember much of what she says.

> She really doesn't. (Like when she said I could do anything but

> didnt amount to anything... And she has no recollection of my

> telling her about being molested, although I've told her multiple

> times.) When she does remember and I really nail her with the

> truth, she gets a migraine and chokes and shakes and acts like

she's

> going to have a seizure. All it does it make me mad. What the

crap

> is she afraid of?

>

> On the other hand, my MIL does remember things, but she constantly

> deconstructs and reconstructs her interpretations and

> circumstances. She colors things just enough so that she's not

> responsible for anything. (Like when my husband was awakened from

a

> nap to find me in the kitchen, sitting at the table, with both his

> parents standing over me screaming at me. When this example was

> brought up later, the screaming was recalled, but no one but me

> could remember the content. My MIL's response was that I naturally

> must have said something so horrible that I triggered them to

scream

> at me.

They both are entitled to

> win and win an any cost, even that of their children.

>

> cindy K

>