Guest guest Posted November 6, 2004 Report Share Posted November 6, 2004 The other thing about anger is when I'm in the throes of it, I feel like she's contolling me again. I don't want to spend my time like this! Guess I just want to get through it quicker. Seems like each time I have to see or talk to her, I do go through the cycle quicker. > > > > > > Hi, I just joined this group. I read a lot of your entries and I > > can > > > relate to a couple. ie. my mom (BP) has been out of work for > > almost > > > 4 years now and spent her retirement money on artist supplies > which > > > she was going to use to support herself, but now she's realized > > that > > > she should go back into the computer field. So she has thousands > > of > > > dollars worth of artist stuff now and no 401K. Also, the story > > about > > > being locked in the laundry room and your mom's version sound a > lot > > > like how my mom defends herself against criticism. > > > > > > I'm not speaking to my mom right now. I told her I needed a > break > > > about 4 months ago now. I'm reading " Stop Walking on Eggshells " > > and > > > trying to find the strength to stand up to her so we can have > some > > > kind of relationship. 4 months ago, I was considering to stop > > > talking to her on the advice of my counseler and one night she > > pushed > > > me over the edge. I asked her to come down and go to counseling > > with > > > me and she became so enraged that she told me I'd been abusing > HER > > > since I was a little girl. And I tried to say " 6 year olds can't > > > abuse their mothers!! " but she went on to say I'd hated her my > > whole > > > life (something I said a lot as a kid) and that I'd been lying to > > her > > > since I was a toddler when I hid the fact that my grandfather was > > > sexually abusing me. That was the breaking point for me. Those > > > words cut right through me and severed any fantasy I had that my > > > mother was capable of caring for me. To call a sexually > victimized > > > toddler a liar? dispicable. disgusting. how do I forgiver her? > > > > > > Today I saw a woman at the grocery store with hair like my > > mothers. > > > I miss her. She drives me crazy, hurts me more than anyone, and > > > doesn't even apologize and yet I miss her. Am I am masochist? > > > > > > By the way, what does " nada " mean? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2004 Report Share Posted November 6, 2004 The other thing about anger is when I'm in the throes of it, I feel like she's contolling me again. I don't want to spend my time like this! Guess I just want to get through it quicker. Seems like each time I have to see or talk to her, I do go through the cycle quicker. > > > > > > Hi, I just joined this group. I read a lot of your entries and I > > can > > > relate to a couple. ie. my mom (BP) has been out of work for > > almost > > > 4 years now and spent her retirement money on artist supplies > which > > > she was going to use to support herself, but now she's realized > > that > > > she should go back into the computer field. So she has thousands > > of > > > dollars worth of artist stuff now and no 401K. Also, the story > > about > > > being locked in the laundry room and your mom's version sound a > lot > > > like how my mom defends herself against criticism. > > > > > > I'm not speaking to my mom right now. I told her I needed a > break > > > about 4 months ago now. I'm reading " Stop Walking on Eggshells " > > and > > > trying to find the strength to stand up to her so we can have > some > > > kind of relationship. 4 months ago, I was considering to stop > > > talking to her on the advice of my counseler and one night she > > pushed > > > me over the edge. I asked her to come down and go to counseling > > with > > > me and she became so enraged that she told me I'd been abusing > HER > > > since I was a little girl. And I tried to say " 6 year olds can't > > > abuse their mothers!! " but she went on to say I'd hated her my > > whole > > > life (something I said a lot as a kid) and that I'd been lying to > > her > > > since I was a toddler when I hid the fact that my grandfather was > > > sexually abusing me. That was the breaking point for me. Those > > > words cut right through me and severed any fantasy I had that my > > > mother was capable of caring for me. To call a sexually > victimized > > > toddler a liar? dispicable. disgusting. how do I forgiver her? > > > > > > Today I saw a woman at the grocery store with hair like my > > mothers. > > > I miss her. She drives me crazy, hurts me more than anyone, and > > > doesn't even apologize and yet I miss her. Am I am masochist? > > > > > > By the way, what does " nada " mean? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2004 Report Share Posted November 6, 2004 > > > The other thing about anger is when I'm in the throes of it, I feel > like she's contolling me again. I don't want to spend my time like > this! Guess I just want to get through it quicker. Seems like each > time I have to see or talk to her, I do go through the cycle quicker. *****That sounds like growth on you part. Good job! > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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