Guest guest Posted March 25, 2004 Report Share Posted March 25, 2004 : I think I mentioned this in a private message along this way but not open on the list. Hubby and I have tried numerous positions. I have to admit that neither he nor I were saints when we first got together. I think for me it is mostly because I have so many joints that are messed up that no matter what I try, is painful especially if I have forgotten my meds as I have done recently. His conquering attitude has gotten much better after a long arguement we had a short time back. I told him I was no prize to be won over and I wasn't a @#$@! either. I told him he had a choice, either be patient, or find someone else. It must have sunk in because he has been much better about it since then. I was really hurting though when I let him hold it. He has been much better lately. I still hope his doctor will start him on an anti-depressant at his next appointment. I do have good news about my friend who tried to take her life a few days after my aunt passed away. I spoke with her again yesterday and she sounded terrific! She said that she was feeling better. Her sugar levels were better. Her husband stopped by earlier that morning and picked up three bills he was going to pay, gave her grocery money, and brought her breakfast. He also told her he was on a new medication that was an anti-depressant and that he was being honest with his doctor about his physical abuse. He didn't push the " do you love me " or " can I come back home " crap either. He was very sincere and seemed to be truly committed to his therapy right now. She seems to be the same way. I am hoping they can work it out because when he is not being abusive or hateful, he can be a good man. His biggest problem was that he was blaming his parents for his adult-life. My friend flat told him that I, talking about me, grew up in much worse circumstances than he would ever imagine and that I didn't treat my family as he had treated them. This seemed to really hit him hard. He went to his therapist and sure enough, the therapist told him that this behavior had to be stopped at some point during a generation or it would continue on. I swore it would stop with me and thank the Gods, Deities, and Supreme Beings that it has stopped with me. Even my brother is a calm and gentle man when both of us could have grown up to be alcoholic, abusive to our children and to our spouses, and lost everything we ever dreamed up and everything we have built so far in our lives. I am so proud of my friend. I wish I could get her to get some time to come over for a while so we could talk but with her schedule with the kids, I know it is hard. We both also have to work between her chronic pain and my chronic pain so that makes things even harder. Sex is also a big issue with her husband as well. Part of it is his domineering ways and I think also part of it is his age which goes back to the mid-life crisis and/or mid-life male menopause we have all been talking about. A big problem in my life is that I cannot sleep on our mattress on our bed. I have tried every bed in the house and there are three of them. All three have too hard or uncomfortable mattresses. I sleep on the couch and have done so for the past 7 to 8 years. It is really soft. I have thought about talking with my doctor and the home medical supply company about something softer that would be better for my back and joints but haven't got that far yet. I know they don't carry the temperpedic and right now we can't afford it. It is sad that we have a high-dollar mattress and I can't sleep on it. After about 30 minutes to an hour I have to get up, sometimes sooner than that because it just causes my bones to ache terribly. It is like the bed has no give in it, if that makes sense. I hope everyone else is having a better go than we are. At least we are somewhat talking and he is somewhat listening. BB, Sam The trouble with making plans for the future, even when you can see the future, is that fate has a way of intervening and upsetting the best laid plans of mice and men. - Burns 1785 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 26, 2004 Report Share Posted March 26, 2004 Hi there, When I first had my first spinal surgery (at the turn of the century) my roomate got a book about sex and back injuries/surgeries. I sure wish I knew what the title was. That type of relationship has all but gone out the window for us. Between a hystorectomy 10 years ago and the chronic pain it's not a priority in my life. My husband is always making comments about this. I think men take it personally, more so than women. It's not about him and I keep telling him that. I'm really angry that this is not something they tell you about when you have a hystorectomy. I feel robbed. My little vent. Kathleen in Calif. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 26, 2004 Report Share Posted March 26, 2004 Before her hysterectomy she had 3 miscarriages due to Chocolate cysts. Joe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 27, 2004 Report Share Posted March 27, 2004 Yes, we have found some positions that are less painful for me, but they aren't as enjoyable in other ways. <VEG> Maxine wrote: Maxine, Have you and your hubby tried other sexual positions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 27, 2004 Report Share Posted March 27, 2004 Yes, we have found some positions that are less painful for me, but they aren't as enjoyable in other ways. <VEG> Maxine wrote: Maxine, Have you and your hubby tried other sexual positions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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