Guest guest Posted October 13, 2004 Report Share Posted October 13, 2004 Dan, Oh gosh....First of all ask 100 women if they can get hubby to open up re: any conversation other than sports, old college days, or being kids...Most men just do not like to talk much (I know in my hubby's family it is like I am pulling the life out of the males to get them to open up, same with my father). IT IS really odd that your wife will not open up, I ran wild also, but ask me anything and I will tell you the truth about my life (no matter how embarrassing or how hurtful)...So it sounds like your wife is " afraid " to open up at all? MAYBE, just maybe there is more behind her young life that she is afraid to open herself up to because it just hurts to bad? Just thinking, also thought maybe she has a BPD parent or a parent with some sort of PD? You are doing good Dan, and you are moving FWD, it is your wife who is holding you back. Just my opinion...More to come... A hug to you, Kim In a message dated 10/13/2004 2:26:50 AM Eastern Standard Time, danc19fr@... writes: > Is your wife BPD? I really don't know. She doesn't have as clear a case of it as Nada. I think in my wife's case it is more like fleas. In her family the most absolute taboo was to ever talk about a problem. As a teenager she ran wild because her parents refused to see or respond to anything she did. - Dan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 13, 2004 Report Share Posted October 13, 2004 Kim, Agree with you on getting males to open up, it is just not natural for us. BPW is also unable to speak openly or with any insight into her feelings. Dan, You might join or lurk on the staying list for a while and see if it seems to apply to your spouse. Doug Re: Re: Wife Dan, Oh gosh....First of all ask 100 women if they can get hubby to open up re: any conversation other than sports, old college days, or being kids...Most men just do not like to talk much (I know in my hubby's family it is like I am pulling the life out of the males to get them to open up, same with my father). IT IS really odd that your wife will not open up, I ran wild also, but ask me anything and I will tell you the truth about my life (no matter how embarrassing or how hurtful)...So it sounds like your wife is " afraid " to open up at all? MAYBE, just maybe there is more behind her young life that she is afraid to open herself up to because it just hurts to bad? Just thinking, also thought maybe she has a BPD parent or a parent with some sort of PD? You are doing good Dan, and you are moving FWD, it is your wife who is holding you back. Just my opinion...More to come... A hug to you, Kim In a message dated 10/13/2004 2:26:50 AM Eastern Standard Time, danc19fr@... writes: > Is your wife BPD? I really don't know. She doesn't have as clear a case of it as Nada. I think in my wife's case it is more like fleas. In her family the most absolute taboo was to ever talk about a problem. As a teenager she ran wild because her parents refused to see or respond to anything she did. - Dan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 13, 2004 Report Share Posted October 13, 2004 tin_man wrote: > Dan, > You might join or lurk on the staying list for a while and see if it seems to apply to your spouse. > Doug The WTOstaying list is at: http://www.yahoogroups.com/group/WTOstaying - Edith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 14, 2004 Report Share Posted October 14, 2004 Dan I do realize we are all different. In " Iron " Bly talks about the need over the eons for young males to make a break with the mother and become strong with role modeling and stewardship of other males and how we have lost this in the modern era. He thinks we need to return to our developemental role. Its really another way of saying we must rid ourselves of being codependent. I also struggle with this as I didn't learn this in my youth either. The book is a little dated now but I still found it interesting. As for the wife, I don't think those with pds have much insight into their problems and won't say much about themselves in an open way. Doug Re: Wife > Agree with you on getting males to open up, > it is just not natural for us. Doug, the roles are reversed here. I open up and she doesn't. She says I talk too much, but if I am silent for however long - minutes, hours, or days - it is total silence. It was the same with my first wife. I guess I didn't learn. - Dan Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: http://www.BPDCentral.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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