From Vicki

[Guest guest]

My husband is doing it again. He hid my bipolar med too. I told I needed

it, but he said it makes me too drowsy. He took my daughter to stay

with my mother in law so I barely get to see her now.

I can't stop crying...

[Guest guest]

Vicki,

We all feel for you, really we do. Everyone in here including me has given

you wonderful advice in regards to the abuse you are dealing with. Guess

what? None of it is going to do a damn bit of good unless you take the

first step. Continually complaining on here will get you sympathy but it

will not stop the situation unless YOU stop it. If you want help then let

us help you. If you want us to intervene then let us. If you want ME to

call the cops on your husband and get the ball rolling because you're too

scared to do it yourself, then send me your address/phone number off list

and I'll be more then happy to call and get someone out there to help you.

You have to do something because sympathy won't protect you or your child.

You have no clue what he is doing with the excess medication that he won't

give you. What will you do when he decides he's had enough of his wife and

wants to cash in on that life insurance policy and decides to overdose his

wife with those hidden meds to make it look like a suicide.....WHAT WILL YOU

DO THEN?

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh Vicki, reality is. Please do something about

this now.

Chantel

-- From Vicki

My husband is doing it again. He hid my bipolar med too. I told I needed

it, but he said it makes me too drowsy. He took my daughter to stay

with my mother in law so I barely get to see her now.

I can't stop crying...

[Guest guest]

Vicki,

We all feel for you, really we do. Everyone in here including me has given

you wonderful advice in regards to the abuse you are dealing with. Guess

what? None of it is going to do a damn bit of good unless you take the

first step. Continually complaining on here will get you sympathy but it

will not stop the situation unless YOU stop it. If you want help then let

us help you. If you want us to intervene then let us. If you want ME to

call the cops on your husband and get the ball rolling because you're too

scared to do it yourself, then send me your address/phone number off list

and I'll be more then happy to call and get someone out there to help you.

You have to do something because sympathy won't protect you or your child.

You have no clue what he is doing with the excess medication that he won't

give you. What will you do when he decides he's had enough of his wife and

wants to cash in on that life insurance policy and decides to overdose his

wife with those hidden meds to make it look like a suicide.....WHAT WILL YOU

DO THEN?

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh Vicki, reality is. Please do something about

this now.

Chantel

-- From Vicki

My husband is doing it again. He hid my bipolar med too. I told I needed

it, but he said it makes me too drowsy. He took my daughter to stay

with my mother in law so I barely get to see her now.

I can't stop crying...

[Guest guest]

Vicki,

We all feel for you, really we do. Everyone in here including me has given

you wonderful advice in regards to the abuse you are dealing with. Guess

what? None of it is going to do a damn bit of good unless you take the

first step. Continually complaining on here will get you sympathy but it

will not stop the situation unless YOU stop it. If you want help then let

us help you. If you want us to intervene then let us. If you want ME to

call the cops on your husband and get the ball rolling because you're too

scared to do it yourself, then send me your address/phone number off list

and I'll be more then happy to call and get someone out there to help you.

You have to do something because sympathy won't protect you or your child.

You have no clue what he is doing with the excess medication that he won't

give you. What will you do when he decides he's had enough of his wife and

wants to cash in on that life insurance policy and decides to overdose his

wife with those hidden meds to make it look like a suicide.....WHAT WILL YOU

DO THEN?

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh Vicki, reality is. Please do something about

this now.

Chantel

-- From Vicki

My husband is doing it again. He hid my bipolar med too. I told I needed

it, but he said it makes me too drowsy. He took my daughter to stay

with my mother in law so I barely get to see her now.

I can't stop crying...

[Guest guest]

Vicki: Many of us have told you what you need to do. You need to call 911 and

report this abuse. You will get direction to a shelter where to go with your

daughter. I know from first hand experience, if you are in Orange Cty the

Sheriff's dept will take jurisdiction. If You life in the City proper, the city

police will. He will get help. You will get help. This is domestic violence

abuse! Please, dear, do not put up with it and call for help right now!!! You

will get counseling on how to handle this yourself. This abuse of you angers

me. You have been through so much! This is not right! I know from first hand

experience you live in an area where both of you will get the help you need!

911 NOW!!! Ken - Colorado Springs

From Vicki

My husband is doing it again. He hid my bipolar med too. I told I needed

it, but he said it makes me too drowsy. He took my daughter to stay

with my mother in law so I barely get to see her now.

I can't stop crying...

[Guest guest]

Vicki: Many of us have told you what you need to do. You need to call 911 and

report this abuse. You will get direction to a shelter where to go with your

daughter. I know from first hand experience, if you are in Orange Cty the

Sheriff's dept will take jurisdiction. If You life in the City proper, the city

police will. He will get help. You will get help. This is domestic violence

abuse! Please, dear, do not put up with it and call for help right now!!! You

will get counseling on how to handle this yourself. This abuse of you angers

me. You have been through so much! This is not right! I know from first hand

experience you live in an area where both of you will get the help you need!

911 NOW!!! Ken - Colorado Springs

From Vicki

My husband is doing it again. He hid my bipolar med too. I told I needed

it, but he said it makes me too drowsy. He took my daughter to stay

with my mother in law so I barely get to see her now.

I can't stop crying...

[Guest guest]

Vicki,

Your husband taking away your pain med is one thing, but taking away

your bipolar med is downright dangerous. I'm bipolar as well, and

without medication, I'm very out of control, with rages, mania,

depression, I'm all over the place. I don't know what the hell your

husband is thinking, but you need to get out of there NOW, unless

dying is an option you prefer.....your husband is pushing you to

that point. I am cutting to the chase here. We all care about you

and can't bear to see you in this position, but you NEED TO GET OUT

NOW. No more excuses, no more anything. What your husband is doing

is outright abuse, and he needs to go to jail NOW. You will not

lose your daughter, because he can't take her away from you when

he's sitting behind bars. If you can't do it for yourself, do it

for her. I love my husband more than life itself, but if he EVER

tried to hide any of my meds from me, you better be damned sure I'd

have his ass locked up. You have options Vicki, whether you think

you do or not. You need to make a decision NOW, instead of just

taking it day after day. Don't take it any more, because you don't

deserve it, and you don't have to take it. You can do it by

yourself, even on the meds. People do it every day, but your

husband has got you so beaten down, and so whacked out by erratic

medication dosages, that you think you can't.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think that is what you need at

this point. Sensitivity hasn't prompted you into action. Hopefully

cold, hard facts will.

Jen

[Guest guest]

Vicki,

Your husband taking away your pain med is one thing, but taking away

your bipolar med is downright dangerous. I'm bipolar as well, and

without medication, I'm very out of control, with rages, mania,

depression, I'm all over the place. I don't know what the hell your

husband is thinking, but you need to get out of there NOW, unless

dying is an option you prefer.....your husband is pushing you to

that point. I am cutting to the chase here. We all care about you

and can't bear to see you in this position, but you NEED TO GET OUT

NOW. No more excuses, no more anything. What your husband is doing

is outright abuse, and he needs to go to jail NOW. You will not

lose your daughter, because he can't take her away from you when

he's sitting behind bars. If you can't do it for yourself, do it

for her. I love my husband more than life itself, but if he EVER

tried to hide any of my meds from me, you better be damned sure I'd

have his ass locked up. You have options Vicki, whether you think

you do or not. You need to make a decision NOW, instead of just

taking it day after day. Don't take it any more, because you don't

deserve it, and you don't have to take it. You can do it by

yourself, even on the meds. People do it every day, but your

husband has got you so beaten down, and so whacked out by erratic

medication dosages, that you think you can't.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think that is what you need at

this point. Sensitivity hasn't prompted you into action. Hopefully

cold, hard facts will.

Jen

[Guest guest]

Vicki,

Your husband taking away your pain med is one thing, but taking away

your bipolar med is downright dangerous. I'm bipolar as well, and

without medication, I'm very out of control, with rages, mania,

depression, I'm all over the place. I don't know what the hell your

husband is thinking, but you need to get out of there NOW, unless

dying is an option you prefer.....your husband is pushing you to

that point. I am cutting to the chase here. We all care about you

and can't bear to see you in this position, but you NEED TO GET OUT

NOW. No more excuses, no more anything. What your husband is doing

is outright abuse, and he needs to go to jail NOW. You will not

lose your daughter, because he can't take her away from you when

he's sitting behind bars. If you can't do it for yourself, do it

for her. I love my husband more than life itself, but if he EVER

tried to hide any of my meds from me, you better be damned sure I'd

have his ass locked up. You have options Vicki, whether you think

you do or not. You need to make a decision NOW, instead of just

taking it day after day. Don't take it any more, because you don't

deserve it, and you don't have to take it. You can do it by

yourself, even on the meds. People do it every day, but your

husband has got you so beaten down, and so whacked out by erratic

medication dosages, that you think you can't.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think that is what you need at

this point. Sensitivity hasn't prompted you into action. Hopefully

cold, hard facts will.

Jen

[Guest guest]

Vicki:

This is getting entirely too serious now. You need to get your daughter

back and then leave him flat out. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call the numbers you

have been given to get help and get out of that relationship before you lose

everything that is important - your daughter. Your home is replaceable.

Your belongings, clothes, furniture, all of that can be replaced. I cannot

begin to explain to you how many times I had to start over again before I

finally got my life back together and my daughter home where she belonged.

I lost her for almost 4 years and it was the longest 4 years I ever spent in

my life. The depression was unbearable and I will not go into how I felt

and how close I came to really losing it. All I will say is please take the

following advice.

Call the police or sheriff's office and file a report that your husband has

stolen your bipolar medication along with any other drugs he has taken.

Make it sound as if he is taking them himself even if you are not sure he

is. This will get their attention and they will pick him up. Then go pick

up your daughter from your MIL's house with a sheriff or police person. If

she refuses to give the child up, you can have a sheriff/police officer

present and if she refuses still, she will be arrested for kidnapping.

Then, get your butt to a safe house for battered and abused women.

Once your husband is in jail or at least in processing, you have every right

to go get your child. My mother went through this and I had to get my own

daughter, my oldest daughter that is, back this way. It wasn't over

medication but it was over stealing and stalking. You need to get you and

your daughter to a safe place. The shelter can help get you emergency

medications.

Vicki, this is getting way too serious. I lost my daughter for almost 4

years because I didn't act soon enough. I don't want you to have to go

through that hell and desperation as I did so long ago. My daughter and I

both paid the price for my lack of motivation because I didn't think I could

fight my ex-husband. With the help of friends, the sheriff's department,

and family, I kicked my ex-husband's royal ass and continued to kick it for

years to come and to this day, he is still paying for what he did to us back

then. He dug himself a hole he cannot get himeslf out of. He also

alienated himself from his daughter with his lies. My teenager wanted and

got with some finagling by myself and a friend in the clerk of court's

office, her last name changed to mine, my husband's, and my second

daughter's. She is happier than she has ever been now even though the sorry

SOB is so far behind in child support even I have lost count. If you cannot

do this for yourself, then do it for your daughter. Please don't take this

the wrong way but it is high time you to grew a spine, get your daughter,

and toss that husband of yours away. You do NOT need him in your life.

Once you get to a safe haven/safe house they will help you get an attorney

then you go to court and you nail his sorry ass for stealing your

medication, for mental/emotional abuse, and get his mother for kidnapping

your child. Then nail him for support and insurance for your child.

Please do not let this continue. Trust me, you will regret not taking

action one day. What would be worse, is that your daughter may have inner

scars which could damage your relationship in years to come if you take no

action now.

Sam

The trouble with making plans for the future, even when you can see the

future, is that fate has a way of intervening and upsetting the best laid

plans of mice and men.

- Burns 1785

[Guest guest]

Vicki:

This is getting entirely too serious now. You need to get your daughter

back and then leave him flat out. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call the numbers you

have been given to get help and get out of that relationship before you lose

everything that is important - your daughter. Your home is replaceable.

Your belongings, clothes, furniture, all of that can be replaced. I cannot

begin to explain to you how many times I had to start over again before I

finally got my life back together and my daughter home where she belonged.

I lost her for almost 4 years and it was the longest 4 years I ever spent in

my life. The depression was unbearable and I will not go into how I felt

and how close I came to really losing it. All I will say is please take the

following advice.

Call the police or sheriff's office and file a report that your husband has

stolen your bipolar medication along with any other drugs he has taken.

Make it sound as if he is taking them himself even if you are not sure he

is. This will get their attention and they will pick him up. Then go pick

up your daughter from your MIL's house with a sheriff or police person. If

she refuses to give the child up, you can have a sheriff/police officer

present and if she refuses still, she will be arrested for kidnapping.

Then, get your butt to a safe house for battered and abused women.

Once your husband is in jail or at least in processing, you have every right

to go get your child. My mother went through this and I had to get my own

daughter, my oldest daughter that is, back this way. It wasn't over

medication but it was over stealing and stalking. You need to get you and

your daughter to a safe place. The shelter can help get you emergency

medications.

Vicki, this is getting way too serious. I lost my daughter for almost 4

years because I didn't act soon enough. I don't want you to have to go

through that hell and desperation as I did so long ago. My daughter and I

both paid the price for my lack of motivation because I didn't think I could

fight my ex-husband. With the help of friends, the sheriff's department,

and family, I kicked my ex-husband's royal ass and continued to kick it for

years to come and to this day, he is still paying for what he did to us back

then. He dug himself a hole he cannot get himeslf out of. He also

alienated himself from his daughter with his lies. My teenager wanted and

got with some finagling by myself and a friend in the clerk of court's

office, her last name changed to mine, my husband's, and my second

daughter's. She is happier than she has ever been now even though the sorry

SOB is so far behind in child support even I have lost count. If you cannot

do this for yourself, then do it for your daughter. Please don't take this

the wrong way but it is high time you to grew a spine, get your daughter,

and toss that husband of yours away. You do NOT need him in your life.

Once you get to a safe haven/safe house they will help you get an attorney

then you go to court and you nail his sorry ass for stealing your

medication, for mental/emotional abuse, and get his mother for kidnapping

your child. Then nail him for support and insurance for your child.

Please do not let this continue. Trust me, you will regret not taking

action one day. What would be worse, is that your daughter may have inner

scars which could damage your relationship in years to come if you take no

action now.

Sam

The trouble with making plans for the future, even when you can see the

future, is that fate has a way of intervening and upsetting the best laid

plans of mice and men.

- Burns 1785

[Guest guest]

Vicki:

This is getting entirely too serious now. You need to get your daughter

back and then leave him flat out. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call the numbers you

have been given to get help and get out of that relationship before you lose

everything that is important - your daughter. Your home is replaceable.

Your belongings, clothes, furniture, all of that can be replaced. I cannot

begin to explain to you how many times I had to start over again before I

finally got my life back together and my daughter home where she belonged.

I lost her for almost 4 years and it was the longest 4 years I ever spent in

my life. The depression was unbearable and I will not go into how I felt

and how close I came to really losing it. All I will say is please take the

following advice.

Call the police or sheriff's office and file a report that your husband has

stolen your bipolar medication along with any other drugs he has taken.

Make it sound as if he is taking them himself even if you are not sure he

is. This will get their attention and they will pick him up. Then go pick

up your daughter from your MIL's house with a sheriff or police person. If

she refuses to give the child up, you can have a sheriff/police officer

present and if she refuses still, she will be arrested for kidnapping.

Then, get your butt to a safe house for battered and abused women.

Once your husband is in jail or at least in processing, you have every right

to go get your child. My mother went through this and I had to get my own

daughter, my oldest daughter that is, back this way. It wasn't over

medication but it was over stealing and stalking. You need to get you and

your daughter to a safe place. The shelter can help get you emergency

medications.

Vicki, this is getting way too serious. I lost my daughter for almost 4

years because I didn't act soon enough. I don't want you to have to go

through that hell and desperation as I did so long ago. My daughter and I

both paid the price for my lack of motivation because I didn't think I could

fight my ex-husband. With the help of friends, the sheriff's department,

and family, I kicked my ex-husband's royal ass and continued to kick it for

years to come and to this day, he is still paying for what he did to us back

then. He dug himself a hole he cannot get himeslf out of. He also

alienated himself from his daughter with his lies. My teenager wanted and

got with some finagling by myself and a friend in the clerk of court's

office, her last name changed to mine, my husband's, and my second

daughter's. She is happier than she has ever been now even though the sorry

SOB is so far behind in child support even I have lost count. If you cannot

do this for yourself, then do it for your daughter. Please don't take this

the wrong way but it is high time you to grew a spine, get your daughter,

and toss that husband of yours away. You do NOT need him in your life.

Once you get to a safe haven/safe house they will help you get an attorney

then you go to court and you nail his sorry ass for stealing your

medication, for mental/emotional abuse, and get his mother for kidnapping

your child. Then nail him for support and insurance for your child.

Please do not let this continue. Trust me, you will regret not taking

action one day. What would be worse, is that your daughter may have inner

scars which could damage your relationship in years to come if you take no

action now.

Sam

The trouble with making plans for the future, even when you can see the

future, is that fate has a way of intervening and upsetting the best laid

plans of mice and men.

- Burns 1785

[Guest guest]

Vicky,

Is there ANYONE at all that you can call to be with for a while? Any

family member? Any friend? You shouldn't be alone right now. This

is CRISIS time. Use all of your resources! I can feel, just from

your post, that you're heart is being ripped apart over this. I

don't usually give advice, but in my 'opinion', you must get away

from your husband. Call someone right now. Can you drive? Would

you be able to get yourself to the nearest Emergency Room? Tell them

everything! You must have your meds! Do it now before NOT having

your bi-polar med affects you too much! They have councelors working

in the ER at all times. They deal with abuse of any kind. I know. I

used to work in a busy ER for years. They will help you... just be

honest with them. I'm scared for you hon. I promise you that things

are going to get better. First things first...Get out of that house

and be with someone you can trust right now. Call your local " Women

in Crisis " center. They're in the phone book or if you'd give your

city and zip code here on the boards, I'm sure we could get the

number for you. I know how it is when you've been crying.

God Bless you Vicky! Everything is going to be okay. We're all here

for you. Just PLEASE don't be alone right now, and call someone!

{{{{Lots of Hugs}}}}

Kathy K.

[Guest guest]

Text Altered, Kerning, White Spaces added for better readability by some

members.

Vicki you have to think about choices I know it is scary but think

about your best intrest,I have a feeling that it dose not stop at

meds,Can you get support from your family,My daugther is

bipolar,trust is probly a big issue to you.You have to learn to trust

yourself. You know he uses those meds as a form of control, There's a

whole nother world out vicki you do not have to be there if you don't

want too.

Wait for rigth moment and walk away if thats what you

want. We can support you but we cannot make that desion for you ,You

see even thougth you feel you don't have the strength to do it you

just have not drawen on it yet,its there are you could not live with

your pain,it hurts but in a funny way it builds strength,you Have to

find that in you and use it to get from point to point

b.Where all trying here as hard as we can,to help you out and I know you know

that hon,I can go on for hours lets just stop here and say,You have

what you need to make it sadly it as simple as doing it,You have to

want that freedom,you can stay in prison but there nothing there to

stop you from changing thoses things you want to change,a broken

heart is the heavyest brurden of all,you can do it,you just have to

want it,stress not good for pain and could rip you apart,your little

gril needs you.say over and over agiane he has all of me hes going to

get,Im a good human bieng and deserve better treatment,you ccan call

and talk to thoses people without making commentment you can ask what

kinda of help is there,plan it out,they can help hon they really can.

my prayers and thoughts are with you.

[Guest guest]

Text Altered, Kerning, White Spaces added for better readability by some

members.

Vicki you have to think about choices I know it is scary but think

about your best intrest,I have a feeling that it dose not stop at

meds,Can you get support from your family,My daugther is

bipolar,trust is probly a big issue to you.You have to learn to trust

yourself. You know he uses those meds as a form of control, There's a

whole nother world out vicki you do not have to be there if you don't

want too.

Wait for rigth moment and walk away if thats what you

want. We can support you but we cannot make that desion for you ,You

see even thougth you feel you don't have the strength to do it you

just have not drawen on it yet,its there are you could not live with

your pain,it hurts but in a funny way it builds strength,you Have to

find that in you and use it to get from point to point

b.Where all trying here as hard as we can,to help you out and I know you know

that hon,I can go on for hours lets just stop here and say,You have

what you need to make it sadly it as simple as doing it,You have to

want that freedom,you can stay in prison but there nothing there to

stop you from changing thoses things you want to change,a broken

heart is the heavyest brurden of all,you can do it,you just have to

want it,stress not good for pain and could rip you apart,your little

gril needs you.say over and over agiane he has all of me hes going to

get,Im a good human bieng and deserve better treatment,you ccan call

and talk to thoses people without making commentment you can ask what

kinda of help is there,plan it out,they can help hon they really can.

my prayers and thoughts are with you.

[Guest guest]

Text Altered, Kerning, White Spaces added for better readability by some

members.

Vicki you have to think about choices I know it is scary but think

about your best intrest,I have a feeling that it dose not stop at

meds,Can you get support from your family,My daugther is

bipolar,trust is probly a big issue to you.You have to learn to trust

yourself. You know he uses those meds as a form of control, There's a

whole nother world out vicki you do not have to be there if you don't

want too.

Wait for rigth moment and walk away if thats what you

want. We can support you but we cannot make that desion for you ,You

see even thougth you feel you don't have the strength to do it you

just have not drawen on it yet,its there are you could not live with

your pain,it hurts but in a funny way it builds strength,you Have to

find that in you and use it to get from point to point

b.Where all trying here as hard as we can,to help you out and I know you know

that hon,I can go on for hours lets just stop here and say,You have

what you need to make it sadly it as simple as doing it,You have to

want that freedom,you can stay in prison but there nothing there to

stop you from changing thoses things you want to change,a broken

heart is the heavyest brurden of all,you can do it,you just have to

want it,stress not good for pain and could rip you apart,your little

gril needs you.say over and over agiane he has all of me hes going to

get,Im a good human bieng and deserve better treatment,you ccan call

and talk to thoses people without making commentment you can ask what

kinda of help is there,plan it out,they can help hon they really can.

my prayers and thoughts are with you.

[Guest guest]

Dear Vicki,

Nothing is going to change unless you decide it will. A lot of us

in this group have offered advice and you have chosen to wait and

see if things will get better each time. It happens and then times

become bad again like now.

I don't like the fact that you are going thru this cycle again and

again, none of us do, but none of us can take action for you. Even

if you accept someone's offer to call the police, it is right back

into your hands to decide to push for charges to be pressed.

Another person's word that you are a victim won't cut it, the police

will only take action if you decide they should. It's up to you to

break the cycle, none of us can do it for you. No matter how much we

wish we could.

Christy

[Guest guest]

Dear Vicki,

Nothing is going to change unless you decide it will. A lot of us

in this group have offered advice and you have chosen to wait and

see if things will get better each time. It happens and then times

become bad again like now.

I don't like the fact that you are going thru this cycle again and

again, none of us do, but none of us can take action for you. Even

if you accept someone's offer to call the police, it is right back

into your hands to decide to push for charges to be pressed.

Another person's word that you are a victim won't cut it, the police

will only take action if you decide they should. It's up to you to

break the cycle, none of us can do it for you. No matter how much we

wish we could.

Christy

[Guest guest]

Dear Vicki,

Nothing is going to change unless you decide it will. A lot of us

in this group have offered advice and you have chosen to wait and

see if things will get better each time. It happens and then times

become bad again like now.

I don't like the fact that you are going thru this cycle again and

again, none of us do, but none of us can take action for you. Even

if you accept someone's offer to call the police, it is right back

into your hands to decide to push for charges to be pressed.

Another person's word that you are a victim won't cut it, the police

will only take action if you decide they should. It's up to you to

break the cycle, none of us can do it for you. No matter how much we

wish we could.

Christy

[Guest guest]

Vickie:

I wrote you not long ago about your situation regarding your husband and his

controlling behavior. Since then, I've read I-don't-know-how-many e-mails

addressed to you from people who were very sincerely concerned about your

situation and who offered you very concrete suggestions as to what you need to

do next. It completely disheartens me to see you respond to these very caring

folks as if they hadn't said one single helpful word to you. Are you unable to

read due to the meds? Is the only thing you are able to do right now is cry?

If this is what is going on then it looks like your husband is the big winner

here. He can easily prove that you can't possibly be an adequate parent if you

are unable to do anything to rectify you situation. All he has to do is point

to your constant crying and tell anyone who asks about you that you are severely

depressed and shouldn't be burdened with childcare. If you want to assist in

proving his case for putting you in a mental health facility, then you are doing

a dandy job of it.

I know from experience that some people, myself included, aren't always helped

by kind and caring words from well-meaning folks. Back when I was in your shoes

and married to an physically abusive alcoholic, I thought I could get him to be

good to me through tears and helplessness. Unfortunately, that only encouraged

him to be more and more abusive because he had zero respect for me. To him I

was a helpless mess. Then, from somewhere inside myself, I started to get mad,

really mad. I went into therapy - at first I went three times a week because I

wanted to get better. I was sick of being scared and weepy and feeling

worthless. That first step was the very first time that I proved to myself that

I was a worthwhile person. The more I worked with my therapist, the stronger I

became. Not only did it make me a far better person, it helped my kids respect

me instead of thinking of me as a nothing.

Part of being an adult woman is to understand that when life becomes a tragic

melodrama there are really no winners. I picture all the wonderfully caring

people in this group constantly writing you messages of help, encouragement, and

sympathy with the only result being your consistent complaints about your

husband's behavior. These messages may make you feel a bit better today, but in

the long run the only cure for your situation is for you to start taking the

steps you know you need to take. And these steps involve more action and less

words.

With abiding interest in the recovery of your emotional health and wellness

from,

Vicki wrote:

My husband is doing it again. He hid my bipolar med too. I told I needed

it, but he said it makes me too drowsy. He took my daughter to stay

with my mother in law so I barely get to see her now.

I can't stop crying...

[Guest guest]

Chantel:

You have hit the nail on the head. You are wise enough to see that V. needs to

take action now. I had to learn this the hard way, unfortunately, as I guess

most people do. Don't be concerned about whether it sounds harsh or not. The

important thing some people need to learn is that actions speak far louder than

words. I wondered when all the kindness that group members were showing would

start to run a bit short when there was no evidence that any of the advice or

help was registering. The next step is up to V. and I think she knows it in her

soul. Take care.

Chantel wrote:

Vicki,

We all feel for you, really we do. Everyone in here including me has given

you wonderful advice in regards to the abuse you are dealing with. Guess

what? None of it is going to do a damn bit of good unless you take the

first step.