Re: Free

[Guest guest]

Aloha,

Free...about your guy-friend-person. In the past, I was never able to

understand what was going on because your posts (with respect to him)

seemed so vague. I thought it was my cognitive problems acting up.

When you explained the dynamic (thanks for doing that, bcs now it

makes sense) one word came to mind...Co-Dependency.

That word defined a lot of my past relationships; I was even

co-dependent with my brother-person (recent light bulb moment). I've

been thinking all week about the implications of co-dependency. When

you're stuck in something like that, it's the hardest thing to see.

When you get away, you look back and say " OMG, what was I

tHiNkInG...! " yikes.

I think we owe it to ourselves to dump the baggage and, going forward,

engage in relationships which are Good for US.

fwiw,

sunsh

[Guest guest]

<free_spirit_etc@y...> wrote:>

Just a minute - I have to wash my hands first..with the pink soap...

after the water runs for 3.5 minutes...

And, actually, I try to handle my neurosis' in alphabetical order -

and I'm not to the O's yet (still working on the D fleas)...but I

only work on them on the days starting with a T or a F - and this is

Sunday...LOL

>

LOL! !!! Wonder what the " best " D flea is? How 'bout DRAMA?

liquid sunshine

[Guest guest]

Free,

Sending you a big hug my friend (((FREE)))

To be psychologically visible is such an important need. Perhaps it

has to start with " I am " , and " I exist " . Perhaps it could start with

an acknowledgement of then appreciation of, and finally unconditional

acceptance of ourselves? Trying to be enough, when we already are. It

can feel so...cruel. Why couldnt he/she give me some things which were

so small and easy? Why wouldnt he/she? Ive watched mine give

everything and more to someone else and felt the knife of

disappointment and hurt. I still dont know " why " . I just know I have

to put my hands on my face and close my eyes and breathe, feeling the

warmth and know that I will take care of myself for now.

N

ree_spirit_etc " <free_spirit_etc@y...> wrote:

> I don't even know if we so much want them to 'resolve' anything...

> or " make things right " - I think we just want so very badly to be

> validated.. or at least acknowledged... just to have our SELVES be

> acknowledged - like we count too.

>

> I know the other day - the " guy person " let me know that he " found

> HER again " - a woman that he dated before that is right for him. And

> he wants very badly to make it work (with her).

>

> Just as I was settling into my " It's NOT my " fault " ... it's just that

> he COULDN " T give me what I wanted " 'healing' thoughts - I get a " I

> couldn't give YOU what you wanted - but I think I can give HER what

> YOU wanted " email. The walls that wouldn't budge with me - are now

> something he wants to get rid of for her.

>

> Granted that was a bit of a blow to my ego....or the parts of my ego

> I still had... but I was surprised at how deep the initial impact

> went.. core deep...

>

> I was just sitting there crying... and the first words that came out

> of my mouth were " I want to be a person... " And then " I want to count

> too... " It suprised me that I said I wanted to be a person - but

> apparently I still don't feel like I am at some level. I don't know

> if I think that having somebody put me first would make me a person -

> or what it is. I am still surprised that I even said that...even

> though I was just talking to myself.

>

> But I know I was working on something several weeks back where a

> friend told me I had to realize I was just as important as anybody

> else. So I tried to do that affirmation for awhile. Though it made

> sense logically - it just didn't " fit " inside of me. So I just sat

> outside and waited to see what affirmation came to me. It was " I

> EXIST. " I just sat there with tears streaming down my face saying it

> over and over again " I EXIST!! "

>

> So I guess it was quite a leap to be declaring I was as important as

> anybody else - when even declaring I existed seemed so earth

> shattering.

>

> But then this " I want to be a person too.. " came up the other day..

> so I guess I haven't moved far from square one deep within me yet.

> Maybe I am just impersonating a human so far.

>

> I think the need to have ourSELVES acknowledged is very great indeed.

> A starting point of sorts, I suppose.

>

> Free

>

>

>

>

> > Lastly, it still burns me that nada told me (in an email) during

> our last conversation 15 months ago that she knew how I felt (she

> said I was angry). How in the HELL can someone know how someone

> feels w/o asking? You'd think that it would be important to her to

> ask me how I felt..I thought I mattered enough to her to be asked.

> It's bad but the only response I can feel is appropriate when

> thinking about my nada is " F you " ... Yes I'm angry now...angry that

> its been 15 months of you blowing me off and saying I'm mean, hateful

> and cruel...15 months ago I wasn't angry, I was hurt because of what

> you did to me...the hurt turned into anger because nada did nothing

> to address the issue. Well in the end she is right, I'm angry NOW...

> >

> > Thanks for listening...Mike

> >

[Guest guest]

> > I don't even know if we so much want them to 'resolve'

anything...

> > or " make things right " - I think we just want so very badly to

be

> > validated.. or at least acknowledged... just to have our SELVES

be

> > acknowledged - like we count too.

> >

> > I know the other day - the " guy person " let me know that

he " found

> > HER again " - a woman that he dated before that is right for him.

And

> > he wants very badly to make it work (with her).

> >

> > Just as I was settling into my " It's NOT my " fault " ... it's just

that

> > he COULDN " T give me what I wanted " 'healing' thoughts - I get

a " I

> > couldn't give YOU what you wanted - but I think I can give HER

what

> > YOU wanted " email. The walls that wouldn't budge with me - are

now

> > something he wants to get rid of for her.

> >

> > Granted that was a bit of a blow to my ego....or the parts of my

ego

> > I still had... but I was surprised at how deep the initial

impact

> > went.. core deep...

> >

> > I was just sitting there crying... and the first words that came

out

> > of my mouth were " I want to be a person... " And then " I want to

count

> > too... " It suprised me that I said I wanted to be a person - but

> > apparently I still don't feel like I am at some level. I don't

know

> > if I think that having somebody put me first would make me a

person -

> > or what it is. I am still surprised that I even said that...even

> > though I was just talking to myself.

> >

> > But I know I was working on something several weeks back where a

> > friend told me I had to realize I was just as important as

anybody

> > else. So I tried to do that affirmation for awhile. Though it

made

> > sense logically - it just didn't " fit " inside of me. So I just

sat

> > outside and waited to see what affirmation came to me. It was " I

> > EXIST. " I just sat there with tears streaming down my face

saying it

> > over and over again " I EXIST!! "

> >

> > So I guess it was quite a leap to be declaring I was as

important as

> > anybody else - when even declaring I existed seemed so earth

> > shattering.

> >

> > But then this " I want to be a person too.. " came up the other

day..

> > so I guess I haven't moved far from square one deep within me

yet.

> > Maybe I am just impersonating a human so far.

> >

> > I think the need to have ourSELVES acknowledged is very great

indeed.

> > A starting point of sorts, I suppose.

> >

> > Free

> >

>