Guest guest Posted March 27, 2004 Report Share Posted March 27, 2004 Hi, I too am new here. Thanks for the post that says that Walking On Eggshells is intended for those dealing with a high functioning BP. Which my NADA is not. I am the only child of an NPD, undiagnosed, who divorced my father when I was 4, and then proceeded to pretty much ignore me for the rest of my childhood, at least when she wasn't busy sucking up all the oxygen in the room, and trying to completely destroy any chance I might have at a normal adulthood. She remarried a man who was abusive and alcoholic when I was 10. I have, throughout my adulthood, struggled to put distance between us, but because I still wanted mothering, I frequently fell for her carrot and stick routine. Nice one moment, vicious the next. Nearly 2 years ago, NADA and stepfather came for visit, and NADA became ill and needed to be hospitalized here. While she was in the hospital, stepfather, who was 82 at the time, drank continuously and he is also very deaf. When she got out of the hospital, she insisted on continuing on her journey to her condo, up rather dangerous roads. My husband and I both felt that she would be better resting a few days as she wasn't completely cured of a systemic staph infection. NADA and I finally agreed that we would leave the following afternoon, and I would take the children in my van. I made it perfectly clear that the kids were to drive with me because a) she was sick, stepfather is an elderly, deaf, drunk, and c) the roads are treacherous. The next morning, I awoke at 6:30 to find that she had packed 2 of my children into the back of her car and was getting ready to leave with them. One of these children is an adoptive son, who struggles with moderate Reactive Attachment Disorder. In my groggy state, I told her she was not going to take the kids, and told the kids to get out of her car. She proceeded to tell the RAD kid how I was a terrible mommy who would not allow him to have any fun. She did this several times, " your mommy is so mean, " and " wouldn't you rather come with us? " as she wandered through the house gathering up the last of her things. Unfortunately, my husband had already left for work. This was, of course, not the end of it, however, I did not speak to her from that point until about 2 weeks ago, when she started to phone again. I simply cannot continue to have contact with her, and, after reading some the posts on this list yesterday, struggled to describe the utter terror I feel of her. I think it is similar to how a rape victim would feel about seeing her perpetrator in court. The phone called caused such serious PTSD issues, that it has taken me nearly 2 weeks to return to my life. The only other relative I have is her sister, who would like me to remain in contact with NADA just by sending a note once a month. I don't see how this can work. Give the NADA an inch, and she'll be bulldozing your life in a moment. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? At this point, I'm thinking that I will just remove both of them from my life. Marla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 27, 2004 Report Share Posted March 27, 2004 psm568@... wrote: > The only other relative I have is her sister, who would like me to remain in > contact with NADA just by sending a note once a month. I don't see how this > can work. Give the NADA an inch, and she'll be bulldozing your life in a > moment. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? At this point, I'm thinking that I > will just remove both of them from my life. Hi Marla, Welcome to our list. My nada was a BPD/NPD combo. My thought is, the sooner you cut that umbilical cord with both your nada and your nada's sister, the better your life will be. - Edith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2004 Report Share Posted March 28, 2004 Marla, welcome! i so know the carrot you speak of- just fell down in that rabbit hole again. so glad that you woke b4 nada took your kids- see you do have good mommy instincts ....unlike a nada. in so far as fog is concerned, i've plernty of family members who wish i'd just drop a note once in a while too. ugh! that's like telling a battered wife to just hang out w/herhusband whose beat her on several occassions. Kerrie > Hi, I too am new here. > > Thanks for the post that says that Walking On Eggshells is intended for those > dealing with a high functioning BP. Which my NADA is not. > > I am the only child of an NPD, undiagnosed, who divorced my father when I was > 4, and then proceeded to pretty much ignore me for the rest of my childhood, > at least when she wasn't busy sucking up all the oxygen in the room, and > trying to completely destroy any chance I might have at a normal adulthood. She > remarried a man who was abusive and alcoholic when I was 10. I have, throughout > my adulthood, struggled to put distance between us, but because I still > wanted mothering, I frequently fell for her carrot and stick routine. Nice one > moment, vicious the next. > > Nearly 2 years ago, NADA and stepfather came for visit, and NADA became ill > and needed to be hospitalized here. While she was in the hospital, stepfather, > who was 82 at the time, drank continuously and he is also very deaf. When > she got out of the hospital, she insisted on continuing on her journey to her > condo, up rather dangerous roads. My husband and I both felt that she would be > better resting a few days as she wasn't completely cured of a systemic staph > infection. NADA and I finally agreed that we would leave the following > afternoon, and I would take the children in my van. I made it perfectly clear that > the kids were to drive with me because a) she was sick, stepfather is an > elderly, deaf, drunk, and c) the roads are treacherous. > > The next morning, I awoke at 6:30 to find that she had packed 2 of my > children into the back of her car and was getting ready to leave with them. One of > these children is an adoptive son, who struggles with moderate Reactive > Attachment Disorder. In my groggy state, I told her she was not going to take the > kids, and told the kids to get out of her car. She proceeded to tell the RAD > kid how I was a terrible mommy who would not allow him to have any fun. She did > this several times, " your mommy is so mean, " and " wouldn't you rather come > with us? " as she wandered through the house gathering up the last of her things. > Unfortunately, my husband had already left for work. > > This was, of course, not the end of it, however, I did not speak to her from > that point until about 2 weeks ago, when she started to phone again. I simply > cannot continue to have contact with her, and, after reading some the posts > on this list yesterday, struggled to describe the utter terror I feel of her. > I think it is similar to how a rape victim would feel about seeing her > perpetrator in court. The phone called caused such serious PTSD issues, that it has > taken me nearly 2 weeks to return to my life. > > The only other relative I have is her sister, who would like me to remain in > contact with NADA just by sending a note once a month. I don't see how this > can work. Give the NADA an inch, and she'll be bulldozing your life in a > moment. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? At this point, I'm thinking that I > will just remove both of them from my life. > > Marla > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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