Final family wedding preparations

[Guest guest]

I am up much later than I want be this evening. I wanted to share

two things that are occurring as I get ready for my first solo family

event after my break off with nada.

The first is that I have been pondering Free's question of how I saw

myself at the reception. It was such an important question, because

up until then I was just focusing on how I was going to deal with my

feelings, and I was still thinking of myself as nothing more than

this person who had to overcome those feelings. I don't think I FELT

entitled to be a separate individual. My view of myself at the

wedding is still developing. It has gone from a 'Joan of Arc'

figure - holding a shield to protect myself from nada - to a more

modern version - being wrapped in 'bubble wrap' (a softer version of

the shield! LOL!) In both of these views, the material protecting me

was formulated from my experiences, my strengths, and the support of

this board. In the latest version, I see myself with some sort of

talisman - with different objects representing various things - my

respect for others, my intelligence, my joy when I am living in the

moment, the courage of my convictions, and certainly the support that

I have received from this group.

The reason that I am up late is that I received a call from my sister

this evening, telling me that nada " once again said that if I wanted

to come up with them I can " . She also conveyed an invitation to stay

at my aunt's house - she and I could share a room. Guess who else is

staying there! This was left on voice mail, so I haven't spoken to

my sister about this. I thought the terminology was worth some

analysis. Why is it that nada says I can come with them, when it is

my sister who is the driver, and they are traveling in sis's van?

Hmmmmm, is there some enmeshment here?

Just this message was enough to stir up very strong emotions. And I

feel pretty sure that what I was experiencing was suppressed anger.

I also became aware of how often I used to experience these emotions,

whenever nada's name was mentioned, or I heard her voice.

I have been tempted several times to back out of going. This is

prompted by both my feelings of unworthiness, and a repetition of old

behavior - don't do anything - because you never know what might

upset nada. Knowing that going to the wedding and reception will be

a tremendous opportunity for my healing is what is keeping me focused

on doing this. I am primarily going because I want to......but that

pales in comparison to the fact that I am also dealing with all

this 'nada stuff'.

My sister has said that she does not want to take sides, yet she

plays the role of nada's messenger. I could hear the hesitation in

her voice as she was leaving the message.

Taking a deep breath - I feel confident that I am doing the right

thing for myself, in not putting myself in a situation where I have

to have any unnecessary interaction with nada. My fear of 'what will

the extended family think' is not very strong, and that is because of

my confidence in what I am doing. (Hmmmmmm....being confident in

myself eliminates the fear of what others may think.....egad, did

someone turn on a light?)

I am going to continue to work on my mental talisman. If I

experience negative feelings, I will think about the 'charms' I have

that will help me. I will be in the present as much as I can during

the wedding and reception, and also during the traveling to the

events. I am going to be me - and will be learning more about myself

in the process.

Sylvia

[Guest guest]

" A strong woman isn't afraid of anything, but a woman of strength

shows courage in the midst of her fear...

....A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the

journey, but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey

that she will be strong! "

--Author Unknown--

Free <<< applauding Sylvia (a woman of srength)

>

> I am up much later than I want be this evening. I wanted to share

> two things that are occurring as I get ready for my first solo

family

> event after my break off with nada.

>

> The first is that I have been pondering Free's question of how I

saw

> myself at the reception. It was such an important question,

because

> up until then I was just focusing on how I was going to deal with

my

> feelings, and I was still thinking of myself as nothing more than

> this person who had to overcome those feelings. I don't think I

FELT

> entitled to be a separate individual. My view of myself at the

> wedding is still developing. It has gone from a 'Joan of Arc'

> figure - holding a shield to protect myself from nada - to a more

> modern version - being wrapped in 'bubble wrap' (a softer version

of

> the shield! LOL!) In both of these views, the material protecting

me

> was formulated from my experiences, my strengths, and the support

of

> this board. In the latest version, I see myself with some sort of

> talisman - with different objects representing various things - my

> respect for others, my intelligence, my joy when I am living in the

> moment, the courage of my convictions, and certainly the support

that

> I have received from this group.

>

> The reason that I am up late is that I received a call from my

sister

> this evening, telling me that nada " once again said that if I

wanted

> to come up with them I can " . She also conveyed an invitation to

stay

> at my aunt's house - she and I could share a room. Guess who else

is

> staying there! This was left on voice mail, so I haven't spoken to

> my sister about this. I thought the terminology was worth some

> analysis. Why is it that nada says I can come with them, when it

is

> my sister who is the driver, and they are traveling in sis's van?

> Hmmmmm, is there some enmeshment here?

>

> Just this message was enough to stir up very strong emotions. And

I

> feel pretty sure that what I was experiencing was suppressed

anger.

> I also became aware of how often I used to experience these

emotions,

> whenever nada's name was mentioned, or I heard her voice.

>

> I have been tempted several times to back out of going. This is

> prompted by both my feelings of unworthiness, and a repetition of

old

> behavior - don't do anything - because you never know what might

> upset nada. Knowing that going to the wedding and reception will

be

> a tremendous opportunity for my healing is what is keeping me

focused

> on doing this. I am primarily going because I want to......but

that

> pales in comparison to the fact that I am also dealing with all

> this 'nada stuff'.

>

> My sister has said that she does not want to take sides, yet she

> plays the role of nada's messenger. I could hear the hesitation in

> her voice as she was leaving the message.

>

> Taking a deep breath - I feel confident that I am doing the right

> thing for myself, in not putting myself in a situation where I have

> to have any unnecessary interaction with nada. My fear of 'what

will

> the extended family think' is not very strong, and that is because

of

> my confidence in what I am doing. (Hmmmmmm....being confident in

> myself eliminates the fear of what others may think.....egad, did

> someone turn on a light?)

>

> I am going to continue to work on my mental talisman. If I

> experience negative feelings, I will think about the 'charms' I

have

> that will help me. I will be in the present as much as I can

during

> the wedding and reception, and also during the traveling to the

> events. I am going to be me - and will be learning more about

myself

> in the process.

>

> Sylvia

[Guest guest]

Sylvia,

First, I give you a lot of credit for even just considering to go to

the wedding, let alone actually going (for which I give you a BIG

gold star, to light your way.) Our reactions to our FOO are so

strong because they plug into us and tap all of that supressed anger

and pain that we silently endured most of our life. Most people

would not understand how deeply they affect us, even just a phone

message or a card can trigger us.

There are some good meditations for protection. One I have used and

really like is where you envision a warm, golden light surrounding

you with peace. This light cannot be penetrated, it is like a batman

shield that, while unseen, completely blocks all negative energy. I

have used this around people who tend to try and plug in and suck

the energy out of me or cast their negativity on me. You can stand

in the light of truth and peace.

When I went to nada's funeral, I was afraid FOO was going to " go

off " on me and maybe that is a fear with you. Somebody is going to

make a scene, shame you for your decision, etc. I kind of went in

with an attitude. I stood tall in the truth that I had to end

contact to save myself and if nobody understood, that wasn't my

problem. I felt strong because I made NO apologies to anyone. It

didn't even come up. Not one person asked me why I hadn't seen or

talked to nada for a year.

Also, you can also leave if you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, just

realizing you have that option may help you to feel more calm. If

you do go, walk in with your head held high, because whether THEY

realize it or understand it, you are doing a wonderful thing for

everyone, by healing your self and you should be very proud of that.

I think self healing is the most important contribution we can make

to our selves, our FOO and the world. I truly do. But only the

courageous need apply. Keep us posted,

>

> I am up much later than I want be this evening. I wanted to share

> two things that are occurring as I get ready for my first solo

family

> event after my break off with nada.

>

> The first is that I have been pondering Free's question of how I

saw

> myself at the reception. It was such an important question,

because

> up until then I was just focusing on how I was going to deal with

my

> feelings, and I was still thinking of myself as nothing more than

> this person who had to overcome those feelings. I don't think I

FELT

> entitled to be a separate individual. My view of myself at the

> wedding is still developing. It has gone from a 'Joan of Arc'

> figure - holding a shield to protect myself from nada - to a more

> modern version - being wrapped in 'bubble wrap' (a softer version

of

> the shield! LOL!) In both of these views, the material protecting

me

> was formulated from my experiences, my strengths, and the support

of

> this board. In the latest version, I see myself with some sort of

> talisman - with different objects representing various things - my

> respect for others, my intelligence, my joy when I am living in

the

> moment, the courage of my convictions, and certainly the support

that

> I have received from this group.

>

> The reason that I am up late is that I received a call from my

sister

> this evening, telling me that nada " once again said that if I

wanted

> to come up with them I can " . She also conveyed an invitation to

stay

> at my aunt's house - she and I could share a room. Guess who else

is

> staying there! This was left on voice mail, so I haven't spoken

to

> my sister about this. I thought the terminology was worth some

> analysis. Why is it that nada says I can come with them, when it

is

> my sister who is the driver, and they are traveling in sis's van?

> Hmmmmm, is there some enmeshment here?

>

> Just this message was enough to stir up very strong emotions. And

I

> feel pretty sure that what I was experiencing was suppressed

anger.

> I also became aware of how often I used to experience these

emotions,

> whenever nada's name was mentioned, or I heard her voice.

>

> I have been tempted several times to back out of going. This is

> prompted by both my feelings of unworthiness, and a repetition of

old

> behavior - don't do anything - because you never know what might

> upset nada. Knowing that going to the wedding and reception will

be

> a tremendous opportunity for my healing is what is keeping me

focused

> on doing this. I am primarily going because I want to......but

that

> pales in comparison to the fact that I am also dealing with all

> this 'nada stuff'.

>

> My sister has said that she does not want to take sides, yet she

> plays the role of nada's messenger. I could hear the hesitation in

> her voice as she was leaving the message.

>

> Taking a deep breath - I feel confident that I am doing the right

> thing for myself, in not putting myself in a situation where I

have

> to have any unnecessary interaction with nada. My fear of 'what

will

> the extended family think' is not very strong, and that is because

of

> my confidence in what I am doing. (Hmmmmmm....being confident in

> myself eliminates the fear of what others may think.....egad, did

> someone turn on a light?)

>

> I am going to continue to work on my mental talisman. If I

> experience negative feelings, I will think about the 'charms' I

have

> that will help me. I will be in the present as much as I can

during

> the wedding and reception, and also during the traveling to the

> events. I am going to be me - and will be learning more about

myself

> in the process.

>

> Sylvia

[Guest guest]

Sylvia,

You go for it, you sound strong and ready as you can be. Just being yourself

is a good thing, and I wish for the best, and I know you will learn so much

more about the real you in the process =) THUMBS UP!

Kim

In a message dated 10/7/2004 1:18:16 AM Eastern Standard Time,

smhtrain2@... writes:

I am going to continue to work on my mental talisman. If I

experience negative feelings, I will think about the 'charms' I have

that will help me. I will be in the present as much as I can during

the wedding and reception, and also during the traveling to the

events. I am going to be me - and will be learning more about myself

in the process.

Sylvia