Guest guest Posted September 27, 2004 Report Share Posted September 27, 2004 > I tend to harden my heart nowadays. In fact, I'm > getting less & less emotional over things. I guess that's the only > survival strategy I've known of that works! > > I know this is not normal, but is there a better way out? I don't know of a way out except to get out physically. I couldn't harden my heart enough to protect myself, and if I could, I wouldn't like what I would have to become. If you read books like SWOE and UBM you can get ideas for how to behave to deflect attacks. Maybe they would help, but for me, once I have been in a situation too long, my skin is rubbed off and I can't do what needs to be done. The best thing is the moral support you can find here. - Dan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 27, 2004 Report Share Posted September 27, 2004 belle, No. It is not normal. It is not how " normal " people live (so I hear). But please understand that what you are feeling is TOTALLY " normal " for a person raised by and/ or living with a BP. It's unfortunate that you are being so invalidated... but great that you are realizing that this IS happening... as it will be your first step (of many steps) away from the BP craziness. Probably one of the greatest things you will recieve from this group is the VALIDATION - of your experiences, your feelings, your thoughts, and your SELF. Keep reading - keep posting - keep taking steps. Free > Can someone help? I'm living with a mom with BPD! I find it hard to > survive each day not knowing what I should expect from her the next > minute. She tells me one thing this minute, but another the next! > > She can blow up on just anything, no matter how trivial the matter > is. When I confront the issue with her, she'll tell me something > that'd make me feel so guilty... There's so much of guilt, > invalidation in my life. I tried to talk some sense to her, but it > just didn't get anywhere. This is what I've resorted to... " hide all > my feelings & hurts under the blanket! " I feel like the biggest > loser in the world, as what she's been constantly telling me (in her > bad moods). > > She's usually nice...when she's in a loving mood! I feel strange & > reserved whenever she compliments me, 'cos I don't know what's to be > expected next. I tend to harden my heart nowadays. In fact, I'm > getting less & less emotional over things. I guess that's the only > survival strategy I've known of that works! > > I know this is not normal, but is there a better way out? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 27, 2004 Report Share Posted September 27, 2004 Thanks for the replies! I know this might sound silly, but I just couldn't stop crying when I saw the replies. It was a relief to me! It's been a long time since my feeling was last validated. I just felt so battered, as if I was the one who's at fault. I felt like I'm the one who causes my mom to behave the way she's been 'cos I just don't seem to do or say anything right. I had never heard of BPD till I accidentally bought a book called An Angry Heart. Later, she did constantly try to seek help from the shrinks...but there aren't too many shrinks who're educated on BPD. She was given a formal diagnosis a few months ago. Before that, I just knew that my life's a hell but never knew why. I just felt so confused, invalidated & abused. She always tells me things like " I'll let u have the pleasure of watching me die if that's what all of u want " , " I know u must be thinking...(which I wasn't) " , " I'll make your wish come true one day (she usually refers that to suicide) " & etc. How can I not feel that I'm the one who's responsible for her actions or behaviors? She's been telling me how she'd torture herself to death... She did overdose some medicine & cut herself. Witnessing those moments were never easy for me! I was never prepared enough to go through them... I've been depressed for the past 2 weeks or so... Her mood changes so rapidly that I find it almost impossible to adjust. It's trauma after trauma! I just feel so relieved after knowing that I'm not alone in this world. I didn't dare to tell others about my mom's problems 'cos nobody'd believe me. I certainly do not need another invalidation! Cheers, Belle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 27, 2004 Report Share Posted September 27, 2004 Yes, there is a way out, but it is not by trying to change your mom. You will have to make changes in yourself, in order to better deal with your mom, without have to feel so terrible yourself. Posting on this board is a very good start. You will learn alot of how others have handled similar situations. Learn as much as you can about BPD, and about how to deal with someone with BPD. There is so much information on the web. In addition, two books that are highly recommended are 'Stop Walking on Eggshells' (written for adults in a relationship with a high functioning BP, BUT with many chapters that can help us as KOs (Kids of) a BPD parent), and 'Understanding the Borderline Mother (expensive, but worth it, and may be available at a library). YOU ARE NOT A LOSER. You have a BP parent, who by the nature of this illness, has done many things that have you convinced that you are a loser and makes you feel guilty for anything that goes against what your mom wants. It is very important for your well being that you learn how being raised by a BP parent has affected your thinking and perceptions, and how you can change the situation for yourself. Take care, Sylvia > Can someone help? I'm living with a mom with BPD! I find it hard to > survive each day not knowing what I should expect from her the next > minute. She tells me one thing this minute, but another the next! > > She can blow up on just anything, no matter how trivial the matter > is. When I confront the issue with her, she'll tell me something > that'd make me feel so guilty... There's so much of guilt, > invalidation in my life. I tried to talk some sense to her, but it > just didn't get anywhere. This is what I've resorted to... " hide all > my feelings & hurts under the blanket! " I feel like the biggest > loser in the world, as what she's been constantly telling me (in her > bad moods). > > She's usually nice...when she's in a loving mood! I feel strange & > reserved whenever she compliments me, 'cos I don't know what's to be > expected next. I tend to harden my heart nowadays. In fact, I'm > getting less & less emotional over things. I guess that's the only > survival strategy I've known of that works! > > I know this is not normal, but is there a better way out? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 27, 2004 Report Share Posted September 27, 2004 > I think everyone here knows how you are feeling! The thing that helped me > the most with my Mother was this simple phrase, " It affects me....but it's not > about me. " ............ > . , I don't remember hearing this phrase before. I am adding it to my collection. Thanks, Sylvia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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