Re: verbal abuse techniques

[Guest guest]

1. I think that most KOs exchibit some degree of PTSD symptoms at

some point. We HAVE been traumatized, and such symptoms are

legitimate. I know one KO of an NPD who found a diagnosis of PTSD

incredibly validating -- it was first tangible proof she'd ever had

that she actually HAD been traumatized!

2. I think UBM has some pretty good stuff on protecting yourself

from the witch, and also some frank talk about the real dangers of

dealing with Nadas in witch-mode.

3. My " gut feel " is that the LAST thing you want to disclose to a

Nada in witch-mode is any of your needs. In " witch math " somebody

else's need equals somebody else's vulnerability equals a weapon to

use against them. I have not gone through the SWOE workbook (didn't

discover SWOE or UBM until my Nada was dead), but I don't think those

strategies would necessarily be applicable to a " raging witch "

situation.

4. If you have been unable to avoid getting " witched " , my personal

experience with my own Nada and helping KO friends with their Nadas

is that some kind of spiritual cleansing ritual (whatever fits with

yor personal beliefs) is helpful in recovering one's equilibrium.

It's kind of like when the Ghostbusters got " slimed " -- your soul

gets " slimed " and you've got to clean that ectoplasm off and try to

avoid going back in without a slime-proof suit (which you can weave

from the strategies you get from SWOE, UBM and here).

Hugs,

> Well, I just went through the entire SWOE workbook, and I only

found

> three little sentences about what I needed most right now--what to

> do when the witch makes hurtful statements on purpose, designed to

> hurt you, not to communicate. (There is that one page on how to

> deal with sarcasm). Does UBM have more specific techniques

designed

> to deal with witches?

<<snip>>

> I did read about the DEAR technique. But I think maybe I have some

> PTSD tendency. I am so angry and threatened and mistrustful of

nada

> right now, that I don't feel comfortable telling her what my needs

> are.

<<snip>>

[Guest guest]

Thanks , nice to e-meet you! This response was very helpful to

me. I'm not sure how real the physical danger is, since nada has

never physically harmed me, but I do know that I am feeling to

threatened right now emotionally to use the DEAR techniques. Your

response was very validating and helpful. I comlpletely agree that

witch nadas always have one eye looking for ammunition to use, and

that therefore DEAR might not be appropriate for the witch-prone.

That is my instinct at this time. As for me, I do have recurring

nightmares, high anxiety and lots of flight and dissociation

responses... so I think I might look more into this PTSD thing. My

therapist was skeptical when I brought it up a few weeks ago, but

she's very open overall and if I show her the page in SWOE that says

children of witch bpds tend to exhibit ptsd symptoms, I think we can

start working on it. Wish I could post more but I am off to work

now. Thanks also Sylvia and take care everyone. I really did need

to read that my car should be in the garage! The poor child in me

is STILL not quite convinced ... But at least my mind is getting

there...

Charlie

> > Well, I just went through the entire SWOE workbook, and I only

> found

> > three little sentences about what I needed most right now--what

to

> > do when the witch makes hurtful statements on purpose, designed

to

> > hurt you, not to communicate. (There is that one page on how to

> > deal with sarcasm). Does UBM have more specific techniques

> designed

> > to deal with witches?

>

> <<snip>>

> > I did read about the DEAR technique. But I think maybe I have

some

> > PTSD tendency. I am so angry and threatened and mistrustful of

> nada

> > right now, that I don't feel comfortable telling her what my

needs

> > are.

>

> <<snip>>

[Guest guest]

Hey Charlie,

Just wanted to clarify that I am mostly talking about other-than-

physical dangers, as is UBM. Getting your soul " slimed " (to stick

with my simile from before) from the previous message is just as

harmful as getting physically injured.

When I meet people who try to invalidate my history of trauma because

I was not physically hurt, I point out that the damage and

doublethink inflicted by someone who can violate and contaminate your

soul without touching you is a lot more insidious, and harder to

identify and treat, than what you get from someone who acts out

physically. Which is not to say that physical abuse isn't always

mental, emotional, and spiritual abuse, too. But ironically,

physical trauma is a kind of validation of the reality of the

abuse. Many of us KOs don't even have that " luxury " .

Hugs,

> Thanks , nice to e-meet you! This response was very helpful

to

> me. I'm not sure how real the physical danger is, since nada has

> never physically harmed me...

<<snip>>

[Guest guest]

" some kind of spiritual cleansing ritual (whatever fits with

yor personal beliefs) is helpful in recovering one's equilibrium "

You are so right. It feels like dealing with a demon. I felt like my

home needed to be exorcized after I changed my locks to keep nada

out. When she was in full witch/psychotic mode this year, it made my

skin crawl, & it was like talking to Lucifer in person. Mind you, I

am not the superstitious type or anything. But if I've ever met

anything tangibly evil in my life, my nada in witch mode is IT. ICK

ICK ICK!

> > Well, I just went through the entire SWOE workbook, and I only

> found

> > three little sentences about what I needed most right now--what

to

> > do when the witch makes hurtful statements on purpose, designed

to

> > hurt you, not to communicate. (There is that one page on how to

> > deal with sarcasm). Does UBM have more specific techniques

> designed

> > to deal with witches?

>

> <<snip>>

> > I did read about the DEAR technique. But I think maybe I have

some

> > PTSD tendency. I am so angry and threatened and mistrustful of

> nada

> > right now, that I don't feel comfortable telling her what my

needs

> > are.

>

> <<snip>>