Re: While we are all here...Carol

[Guest guest]

Well... if you just want to shut nada up... a muzzle might do the

trick...

But if you are concerned about using food as a pacifier / reward - it

might help to look at it as a self-soothing activity - and try to

diversify in that area.

I just looked up self-soothing the other night because Edith keeps

talking about soothing ourselves and I actually had NO idea what in

the heck she was talking about. (I know. I know. My co-dependence is

showing).

Anyway - one of the things I found:

I like how she incorporates all the senses....

http://www.psyke.org/coping/self_soothing/

Self Soothing

Unknown author

The goal with self-soothing skills is to comfort yourself emotionally

by doing things that are sensually pleasant and, most especially, not

harmful. At the same time, focusing your full attention on sensory

inputs - on what you are physically experiencing in the moment

(mindfulness) usually will get people outside of their own heads (and

away from troubling thoughts, feelings, and impulses).

The skills and techniques listed below are a starting point only.

Everyone has to find what works for them, and it may be things that

are not on these lists.

With vision

Buy one beautiful flower

Make one space in a room pretty

Light a candle and watch the flame

Set a pretty place at the table, using your best things, for a meal

Go to a museum with beautiful art

Go sit in the lobby of a beautiful old hotel

Look at nature around you

Go out in the middle of the night and watch the stars

Walk in a pretty part of town

Fix your nails so they look pretty (even " real men " can do this)

Look at beautiful pictures in a book (I have several photography

books that are wonderful for this, one of which is just photos of

children)

Go to a ballet or other dance performance, or watch one on TV

Be mindful of each sight that passes in front of you, not lingering

on anything

With hearing

Listen to beautiful or soothing music, or to invigorating and

exciting music (many people recommend that country music be avoided,

since the lyrics tend to be depressing). Classical can be very good,

since there are no lyrics to trigger specific thoughts

Pay attention to the sounds of nature (waves, birds, rainfall, leaves

rustling) or listen to tapes of nature sounds (I use a whale song

tape, and a rain forest tape)

Sing your favorite songs

Hum a soothing tune

Learn to play an instrument

Call 800 or other numbers to hear a human voice

Be mindful of any sounds that come your way, letting them go in one

ear and out the other

With smell

Use your favorite perfume or lotions, or try them on in the store

Spray fragrance in the air

Light a scented candle

Put lemon oil on your furniture

Put potpourri in a bowl in your room

Boil cinnamon

Bake cookies, cake, or bread

Smell the roses

Walk in a wooded area and mindfully breathe in the fresh smells of

nature

With taste

Have a good meal

Have a favorite soothing drink such as herbal tea or hot chocolate

(no alcohol)

Treat yourself to a dessert

Put whipped cream on your coffee (or, if you're like me, your cereal,

toast, ice cream, rocks, put whipped cream on almost anything and

I'll eat it)

Sample flavors in an ice cream store

Suck on a piece of peppermint candy (or other flavors that you like -

hard candy is recommended, though, since for many people soft candies

can be triggering)

Chew your favorite gum

Get a little bit of a special food you don't usually spend the money

on, such as fresh-squeezed orange juice

Really taste the food you eat; eat one thing mindfully

With touch

Take a bubble bath

Put clean sheets on the bed

Pet your dog or cat

Have a massage (I think everyone should do this at least monthly,

with a professional that you trust - there are people who specialize

in therapeutic massage specifically to release body memories, etc.)

Soak your feet

Put creamy lotion on your whole body

Put a cold compress on your forehead. Or wrap your face in a very

warm, damp facecloth (wonderfully relaxing) - my kids and I have done

this before dinners sometimes - it really calms everyone down

Sink into a really comfortable chair in your home, or find one in a

luxurious hotel lobby

Put on a silky blouse, dress, or scarf (satin or velour is also

great, even for men)

Try on fur-lined gloves or fur coats in a department store

(artificial furs, please)

Brush your hair for a long time

Hug someone

Experience whatever you are touching; notice touch that is soothing

Personally, I think sucking the whipped cream straight from the can

beats putting it in your coffee...

Free

> We've had a lot of posting on 'not eating' disorders; can anyone

help me stop

> using food as a pacifier-reward? I'm not ...fat... really, but am

seriously

> overweight. Ok, I'm getting fat. I hate feeling this way; I hear

Nada

> telling me how selfish I am (needing my own size 14 wardrobe-hers

and my sister's

> 6). Thanks, Carol

[Guest guest]

Good doggy!!!

Not sure how far I am on the text-scanning recovery path. Sometimes I

text scan (I learned that in grad school - reading the last three

chapters for the test while walking across the parking lot). Other

times I read until something gets me staring at the wall - and then I

never get back to the rest. There are about a million posts in here

that I had half of a response to (in my mind). But actually - some of

the books and posts that have helped me the most - I just read a

little - and then went into processing that little bit big

time...sometimes reading THAT part over and over again. I thought

THAT was an improvement over making sure I didn't go to THAT place so

I wouldn't miss a word of intellectual knowledge (being the

information junkie that I am).

Bubble baths are my drug of choice. Candles make it nice. So do a

good book and a glass of tea.

There is some more good info on self-soothing at

http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/borderline_personality/24650

Though this article focuses on BPs and self-injuring, I think it can

apply to KOs as well (with some adaptions).

We don't do the cutting or raging - yet we have our own unique ways

to " self-injure " (putting ourselves down, beating ourselves up,

judging ourselves etc.) when we are having trouble handling our

emotions.

This article gets into willingness to experience our pain WITHOUT

self-injuring, and ways to soothe ourselves.

According to the article - self-injuring is a way to get the pain

external....instead of holding it inside. So the intent - to bring

the pain out - is useful, if done in healthy ways. Self-soothing can

also bring us outside - away from the pain for awhile - as a way of

taking care of ourselves..and being more independent in a healthy way.

I know recently - even in my willingness to face my own pain - I did

not know how to self-soothe... or that I should. So when my emotions

hit, about most anything - I looked to the guy-person to soothe me.

That created more complications in the relationship than I even care

to discuss right now. I am not beating myself up on this. I am merely

owning MY part (or part of my part) of the mess. In those times I was

not going to him as an adult needing support from her partner. I was

running to him as a child - needing to be soothed. And when he could

not / would not soothe me - the pain escalated - big time.

Cheese and crackers would have been a better method.

Free

> I have a muzzle, she won't wear it. Bought it after my Dachshund

bit

> her...she twicked his last nerve too.

>

> Oh Free...I love this concept 'self-soothing'; YES, that's exactly

what I'm

> doing...but with cheese & crackers. Wish I'd not 'speed read'

Edith's posts!

> Will endeavor to take one line at a time from now on; I see you're

further

> along on the 'text scanning' recovery path than I am, lol.

>

> I especially like the sensory lists ideas {a bubble

bath...WOW...haven't had

> one of those since before the kids were born}. Thanks so much.

Carol

>

> P. S. What sort of people really have only a tablespoon of whipped

cream at a

> time?

>

>

[Guest guest]

Free - I had to wait until I lit some candles and sat and savored my

flavored coffee before responding to this post. THANK YOU! for this

list. I have been looking for more ways to self-sooth, and this will

be so helpful. I have already copied and filed it. I'm going to

print it out next and post it on the fridge as a reminder.

Sylvia

> Well... if you just want to shut nada up... a muzzle might do the

> trick...

>

> But if you are concerned about using food as a pacifier / reward -

it

> might help to look at it as a self-soothing activity - and try to

> diversify in that area.

>

> I just looked up self-soothing the other night because Edith keeps

> talking about soothing ourselves and I actually had NO idea what in

> the heck she was talking about. (I know. I know. My co-dependence

is

> showing).

>

> Anyway - one of the things I found:

>

> I like how she incorporates all the senses....

>

> http://www.psyke.org/coping/self_soothing/

>

> Self Soothing

> Unknown author

>

[Guest guest]

Carol,

Thanks. I kind of look at our first baby as a guardian angel over

our future kids and so far this second baby is so super sweet and

gentle it's not even funny. People often comment on how strange it

is, but I think of the first baby as kind of guarding over him if

that makes sense.

Anyway, I would consider myself fully quit of the nasty habit, but

the triggers are still there that made me get addicted in the first

place. It was so much easier when I quit in my twenties as I didn't

want one then adn have no idea why I picked them up again. It's been

a year and a half and I still want one a lot of times and I find it

very annoying.

And yes, I do remember that first cigarrette- wish I could go back

and change that one. I too snuck them from nada- that's why I didn't

want to raise kids in a smoking household b/c they're so much more

likely to smoke- dh's mom smoked growing up too and he quit at the

same time I did. His mom quit a few years back when the first grand-

daughter was acting like she was smoking with a pencil at the age of

three. Don't know why the grandkids got to her more than her kids,

but glad she finally quit. Nada quit a long time ago, right when I

moved out as if to say 'now my stressor is gone, I can quit'. Oh

well. I'm so over that phase.

Kerrie

> Puffing as I type...gee, do I fear quitting, or WHAT! I do envy

your

> 'sticktoitness'. I've quit smoking dozens of times; as often as

I've lost that ten

> pounds.

>

> I remember the FIRST cigarette I smoked, age 11; does anyone

else? I 'stole'

> it from nada's stash; opened the window in my room so the smoke

could escape,

> and nearly lost consciousness choking on it. But...it did feel

sufficiently

> defiant; so I remain unrecovered and unrepentant.

>

> I've read that smoking renders our taste buds desensitized, cruel

side

> effect. Buying new cloths - I already shop at outlets because the

cloths at the

> mall begin at size 4 and go up to a whopping size 8....

>

> Kerrie, I'm so sorry you lost your first baby. Hope you had a

good

> experience with the second. Exercise is something else I've lost

motivation for as

> well; lots of really good excuses :-) Carol

>

>

>

> In a message dated 3/14/04 1:03:04 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> lonewolfe30@y... writes:

> Not me. I want a freaking cigarrette and so I eat a thin mint girl

> scout cookie- lol.

> I so want a cigarette and it drives me nuts and so I've put on an

> extra 35lbs over the past 15mos since I quit smoking. It's totally

> an oral fixatin thing and add on to it that I use to work out when

I

> first quit and then got pregnant and doctor took me off my work

out

> routine b/c I was high risk (lost the first baby at 7weeks

> gestation), I just gained so much weight during pregnancy and

> haven't taken it off. I've realized a lot of the reasons why I

smoke

> and now eat are anger/control/addiction issues...a long hard

battle

> w/one step at a time. Add onto it now that my taste buds have come

> back better than ever since I quit smoking and its a double edged

> sword- lol.

> Oh well. I'm being patient w/myself but I so don't want to buy

> anymore clothes and get use to this size. It's depressing to me,

but

> again, I try not to think on it too much.

> Kerrie

>

>

>