teething -- Kerry

March 12, 2004

Kerry,

You mentioned that you can do so little to help your child while he's teething.

I hope you don't mind, but I have a couple of suggestions for you that may help

give you and the baby some relief.

Take a damp bath cloth and stick it in the freezer. When he cries give it to him

to chew on. Its softer than many teething ring and no chance of leakage either.

At the same time, he can bite down on it and pull it from his mouth to kind of

scratch the itch and ease the pain.

Juice pops or even popcycles were very popular with my kids as well. Wrap the

bottom part up in a bath cloth or soft kitchen towel. Hand it to him and help

him reach his mouth first. If he is really good at grasping he will take over.

If not then hold it for him. My children loved this one, but I warn you it does

get kind of messy. It works longer than anbesol.

The next suggestion also works, but I hesitate to mention it as it stings for

the first 2 seconds. But I will mention it as it may help you in a desperate

moment. Dampen your finger and put into a jar of ground cloves. Rub it on the

gums. It will give relief for around 30 minutes or more.

Debbie

Re: Stubborn lessons

Dan,

I know what you mean w/that one. The kid I was referring to, my

godson, had that same problem with his mom. She would set a limit

and then let him negotiate something else. 8 year olds do NOT want

to learn how to negotiate. They want to learn that 'yes means yes

and no means no'. They like boundaries and need them for their own

protection- emotionally and physically- and it took me a while of

working w/him for him to realize not all women are like that- able

to be pushed over if he keeps pushing. I knew that if I was pushed

over, it was to his detriment...and so I just stood my ground even

when it wasn't fun- and man that kid was smart but unable to fully

understand the impact of his intellect and ability to articulate-

kids can say mean things at times.

I didn't see him as much stubborn as given intermittent

reinforcement which is the worst kind in some situations. Its like

the stalker who calls a house 100 times and the person doesn't

answer but then on the 101st call they answer. All that teaches is

that 101 times is how much it takes, which is why I never picked up

nadas calls a few years back when we went on no talk zone and she

called and called and called.

I do admit though that I use intermittent reinforcement with my son

in some ways- mainly his crying. I pick him up every time he cries

but not always just when he starts crying. Meaning sometimes I can't

b/c I'm doing dishes or b/c I know he's just cranky and sleepy and

expressing himself. He knows, however, he will never be allowed

under my roof to simply cry it out as a baby- won't happen on my

watch as I don't believe in that theory what-so-ever. And so he's

got levels of cries now to let me know how and why he's crying and I

know which ones need immediate attention and when he's just tired or

giving me a heads up that he's gonna get pissy in a minute and I

pick him up before then. I don't want to teach him to cry it out b/c

all that teaches is that no one cares when he's upset- doesn't make

the reason he's upset go away just his voice and that's to much like

the bp world if you ask me. So consequently he doesn't cry near as

much as he did as a newborn- doesn't need to b/c his needs are being

met. But the past two weeks have been torture as he's cutting

teeth...torture to hear and torture b/c I can do so little for him

besides hold him and be there for him when he is in pain (man my

back is killing about now too). I can't wait until a few more months

when I can teach him babysigns to express himself- have taught a

couple and he recognizes them but isn't able to use them yet.

My nada can't stand that I am so attentive, but I think as an

attentive parent then the whole negotiating thing can't work just

b/c you are plugged in and doing what's best for the kid at that

stage of their development. The moms I've seen do that typically

have a lot of guilt they're operating off of and I've seen dads do

it too...the whole quality vs quantity time thing.

Okay, rambling again.

Kerrie

> << She said that when her daughter was like that, she just needed

> extra love and needed that stubborness to be loved out of her. >>

>

> Kerrie, I'm sure that would work. It even works with my cat. He

> gets in a strange mood and growls, bites, and slashes. When I get

> tired of fighting with him I just pick him up and hold him tight

and

> he gets over it and purrs. I guess I am positively reinforcing

his

> strange moods.

>

> My ex-wife and my present wife both gave stubborn lessons to the

> kids. They would set a limit, and then let the kid argue them out

> of it. The kid had to do a lot of arguing, but he was sure of his

> reward if he persevered. I tried to point out what was going on,

> but it was like talking to a wall.

>

> - Dan

Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

" Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

http://www.BPDCentral.com

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

March 12, 2004

Debbie,

That's a good idea with the frozen wash cloth. I will definitely

give that one a try. Not sure on the cloves but I will try that one

if I get really desperate someday- lol- probably sooner rather than

later.

In so far as frozen juice and such, I can't do that one as he's only

5mos old and just had his first solids last week w/rice cereal. It

would tear his stomach to pieces but that would be great if I had an

older teether. He's a bit on the young side for teething, but I

guess it is pay backs for him being so sweet the whole time and now

he's like a little colicky baby. Drives me nuts not being able to

really take away the pain even though I know massaging his gums and

helping him chew on the teething ring helps a little. It's just one

of those things that i'm glad he won't remember as it seems so

painful for the poor little guy.

Thanks again for the tips.

Kerrie

> > << She said that when her daughter was like that, she just

needed

> > extra love and needed that stubborness to be loved out of her.

>>

> >

> > Kerrie, I'm sure that would work. It even works with my cat.

He

> > gets in a strange mood and growls, bites, and slashes. When I

get

> > tired of fighting with him I just pick him up and hold him

tight

> and

> > he gets over it and purrs. I guess I am positively

reinforcing

> his

> > strange moods.

> >

> > My ex-wife and my present wife both gave stubborn lessons to

the

> > kids. They would set a limit, and then let the kid argue them

out

> > of it. The kid had to do a lot of arguing, but he was sure of

his

> > reward if he persevered. I tried to point out what was going

on,

> > but it was like talking to a wall.

> >

> > - Dan

>

> Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be

ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of

contents, go to:

> http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

> -------------------------------------------------------------------

-----------

>

March 12, 2004

Kerry,

I am glad I could help in some manner. By the way, all of mine started teething

around your baby's age. You are saying it is unusual and I always thought it was

normal. :-)

About the colic- If you can get some peppermint oil and put just a drop or 2 in

some water that will ease the colic. Is your baby on soy milk formula or regular

formula? I had to change my colicky baby from regular to soy for her colic. I

may have some tips somewhere around here somewhere for more help on colic.

Oh, I almost forgot, the dr. told me to get some baby gas-x for her as well. The

name of it wasn't baby gas-x, but it worked like gas-x and it was a baby

medicine. I'm sorry about not remembering the name, but that was 15 years ago

and started about this time of year.

I am surprized that the Dr hasn't told you to add juice yet to the baby's

diet. You water it down at first to 25 % juice and 75 % water. Then after a

month you only do a 50/50 mix. You also only use the milder juices like apple

juice or a mixed berry juice. I mostly used the apple juice for the child that

stayed constipated as an infant. Of course, he wouldn't eat anything at all

unless he saw that his was the same stuff, just ground up really fine. But he

had to see me put his food through the processor or he wouldn't eat it. He hated

food from the jar. after the 1st month of cereals, I started mixing it with

juice instead of formula and I always mixed it the thickness of potato soup.

I am not telling you how to raise your baby or anything like that. I am

surprized that the Dr didn't tell you to give the juices first before the

cereal. And too I thought I would let you know a different technique of doing

the cereal some time in the future. My kids preferred the juice mixed with the

cereal verses milk with it as it is normally advertized. I apologize if I have

said too much or stuck my nose in where it doesn't concern me. I love Babies and

mine are all over 8 years old.(this includes my nephew). I will shut up now

before I get on your nerves. If there is ever anything I can help you with just

let me know. I will be glad to tell you what some of my experiences are or what

I have learned over the years from my goof ups. So the group isn't overrun with

messages my email is foundmy@....

I don't open attachments unless I am notified they are coming ahead of time.

Debbie

Re: teething -- Kerry