Guest guest Posted February 22, 2004 Report Share Posted February 22, 2004 > > I'd like to hear a " Hi " from everyone on this list, I'd like to know > 1 - Your sex, female > 2 - Your age, 40 > 3 - If you had a BPD father and/or a BPD mother, mother...very interesting story here. I was adopted at birth and have reunited with my BPD birthmother. After a very charming and hearthwarming reunion, her borderline symptoms began to spill out. I have been in reunion with her for 2 years now, and now that I have set some boundaries in response to her manipulations, our contact is limited. > 4 - The age of your BPD parent(s), 58 > 5 - Whether that parent is still alive, yes > 6 - How long ago did you first learn about BPD. Fortunately I was familiar with BPD and recognized her symptoms. I do believe there is a genetic component as it relates to anxieties, etc., but she and I have very different coping mechanisms and methods for dealing with things. I was blessed to grow up in a different environment. But I do recognize similarities that we share, which is at times confusing. I wonder if there are any other reunited adoptees with similar experiences. Also, if there is any literature on birthmothers who gave up a child....perhaps this was one of her early life traumas that contributed to the development of her BPD.... Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2004 Report Share Posted February 22, 2004 Kim, your story is very interesting. It brings up the question of environment vs. genetics. How were you familiar with BPD and within the reunion process, what boundaries did you set down? I'm guessing that you were lucky enough to recognize the manipulations because the environment that you grew up in was stable and BPD mom's behavior didn't look right. For those of us who grew up in the environment, we develop and struggle with getting that perspective. tell us more, tiki Re: Digest Number 1639 > > I'd like to hear a " Hi " from everyone on this list, I'd like to know > 1 - Your sex, female > 2 - Your age, 40 > 3 - If you had a BPD father and/or a BPD mother, mother...very interesting story here. I was adopted at birth and have reunited with my BPD birthmother. After a very charming and hearthwarming reunion, her borderline symptoms began to spill out. I have been in reunion with her for 2 years now, and now that I have set some boundaries in response to her manipulations, our contact is limited. > 4 - The age of your BPD parent(s), 58 > 5 - Whether that parent is still alive, yes > 6 - How long ago did you first learn about BPD. Fortunately I was familiar with BPD and recognized her symptoms. I do believe there is a genetic component as it relates to anxieties, etc., but she and I have very different coping mechanisms and methods for dealing with things. I was blessed to grow up in a different environment. But I do recognize similarities that we share, which is at times confusing. I wonder if there are any other reunited adoptees with similar experiences. Also, if there is any literature on birthmothers who gave up a child....perhaps this was one of her early life traumas that contributed to the development of her BPD.... Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2004 Report Share Posted February 22, 2004 , I gave up a child to his father and step mother when he was 3 yrs old. Long story, bad memories. I had not had him since he was 6 mos old and visitation was limited. I wanted to spare him the trama of growing up in a broken home. He has depression and suicidal tendencies. I guess that you just can't take the genetics out of a child. I have never seen him yet, but we have been calling and emailing for the last 4 years. I gave him up for the right reasons, but it has been more traumatic on me than it was for him. I would have to say that one factor that plays the biggest role of mental problems is abuse, the 2nd is knowing you have a kid out there that you would love to just have a picture of if nothing else and jerks promise and don't come through. It tortured me for 24 years wondering if he was ok, what he looked like, how he was doing in school, and whether his dad and grandma were as abusive to him as they had been to me. I went through a long time of not remembering I had signed papers but I did remember that they said if I ever came around they would have me thrown under the jail. Since they had money and connections they could have done it. I guess that I was lucky in the fact that they didn't put a contract out on me as they have done to others. But all that is over now and I do have contact with my son and just remembering the day he called me, gives me a high you wouldn't believe. It was like he was born all over again to me. Do yourself a favor and keep the limits in place. There is no real past between you except the last few years so she doesn't really know you that well. If she is smart and values your contact and it sounds like she may, she will do almost anything to keep from losing that contact with you. I wish that I had the money, I would hop in my car and go see my son in Michigan. But when I go I want money to stay in a hotel at night for my family and I. I don't want to be a burden on him and his wife. He has extended an invitation for us to stay a week in his home, but that is just not my way. I have a large family and the expenses of day to day living for just 2 people is rough. It would cause them to have to feed 9 people for a week. Thats just too much to ask. I also have to find a way to board our 19 animals for a week as well. But one day, I am hoping to just be able to put my arms around him and look into his beautiful blue eyes and tell him that I love him face to face. I have taken great pains to go slow, to be accepting of all things whether I approve or not (which there is only one of those things), and we are both careful to consider how the other one might take things before we send them out. We are getting more casual as time goes on and more comfortable with each other. I want us to be friends more than anything else. I am not going to tell you that I am not envious of his other mother. But I am going to tell you that if I had raised him, I would be seeing him more than once every 2 or 3 months and I would damn sure keep up with what was going on in his life better than they do. Debbie K Re: Digest Number 1639 > > I'd like to hear a " Hi " from everyone on this list, I'd like to know > 1 - Your sex, female > 2 - Your age, 40 > 3 - If you had a BPD father and/or a BPD mother, mother...very interesting story here. I was adopted at birth and have reunited with my BPD birthmother. After a very charming and hearthwarming reunion, her borderline symptoms began to spill out. I have been in reunion with her for 2 years now, and now that I have set some boundaries in response to her manipulations, our contact is limited. > 4 - The age of your BPD parent(s), 58 > 5 - Whether that parent is still alive, yes > 6 - How long ago did you first learn about BPD. Fortunately I was familiar with BPD and recognized her symptoms. I do believe there is a genetic component as it relates to anxieties, etc., but she and I have very different coping mechanisms and methods for dealing with things. I was blessed to grow up in a different environment. But I do recognize similarities that we share, which is at times confusing. I wonder if there are any other reunited adoptees with similar experiences. Also, if there is any literature on birthmothers who gave up a child....perhaps this was one of her early life traumas that contributed to the development of her BPD.... Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2004 Report Share Posted February 22, 2004 Hi Kim! " iiamchica2 " <iiamchica2@y...> wrote: I'd like to hear a " Hi " from everyone on this list, I'd like to know 1 - Your sex Female 2 - Your age 57 3 - If you had a BPD father and/or a BPD mother mother 4 - The age of your BPD parent(s) deceased 5 - Whether that parent is still alive no (died this year at age 81) 6 - How long ago did you first learn about BPD. I was first introduced to the term " borderline personality disorder " in June 2001, but I had no clue what it meant. A year later, I decided to find out, so I went to a book store and stumbled onto SWOE. SmileS! Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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