Guest guest Posted February 14, 2004 Report Share Posted February 14, 2004 Hi Free, Man I could so relate to that situation!! When I bought my place I had to get two mortgages. So...dad offered to pay the second smaller mortgage off, then have the back 10 acres priced out and if needed, pay me the balance, thereby owning the back 10! Four payments into this, nada tells me that dad changed his mind.... I ended up paying it off in about 5 years( the second mortgage) Imagine my shock 10 years later to hear my dad comment about owing him all this money for payments he thought he made! What a pickle to be in!! I finally told him that nada had stopped making payments after the fourth one.....then imagine HIS shock! Here he thought all this time that I had reneged on selling him the back 10! Nada had carped on this for years....never telling him the straight of it! Instead, she put the money in HER pocket.! Good Grief! warm thoughts, wendy Re: Enough! -- on being disinherited I remember someone wrote in here recently about how nadas offer to help but then let things fall through.. In my case - it was more often my father that did that. I'm not sure why. He DID help us - quite a bit in fact - but you could never be quite sure what you could count on. I remember when I brought my son home from the hospital (instead of sending him to a residential school). My father had remarked several times about how most of our problems were from the people we lived around. (I lived in campus housing). I don't know WHERE he got this idea... but he had it. Once some guy beat my son up - and my dad remarked that it was because of living around " people like that " - what did I expect. The funny thing - was I later found out the guy was a adjunct instructor in MY OWN department!!! LOL Egads! That was a bit " touchy " - to say the least. Anyway, my father encouraged me to move a few times - and offered to " help " with expenses. My parents rent out their old house - and so my father promised to put the $300 a month they got from THAT - toward rent on a house for me if I moved. I reached the point I had to move because I had run out of the allowed time you could live on campus. At that time my income was VERY limited because I couldn't work much. I couldn't leave my son alone. I couldn't take him with me. And I couldn't find anyone willing to watch him for very long. So I took my father up on his offer. Well almost...... I found a few houses I liked - but my father didn't like them. For one thing - I had to be VERY careful about the neighborhoods I chose. I didn't want to be close to a lot of people at that time. I needed a place that was safe for my son - yet a place where other people wouldn't be bothered by his odd behaviors enough that they would make it hard on us. I told my friend I just wanted to be that " daft woman on the hill with her weird son. " but my father couldn't undersand that. He kept saying he appreciated what I was trying to do - but I couldn't take my son " away " from people... that he needed to be in the " community. " After a few looks at rental houses - my father decided it would be wiser to purchase a house rather than waste money on rent. He kept sending me to look at houses - but told me that he wasn't sure that would " fly " up there (i.e. my mother would be ticked if he bought me a house). So then he started sending me to look at trailers. He thought one of those would be easier to get my mother's seal of approval, I guess. For some reason - none of that ever got past the planning stage. I finally found a place *I* could afford and rented it. But the guy took my money, and also rented the house to someone else, AND when I got the water turned on - they had to shut it off immdediately because the water pipes in the basement were horrid! So my son and I survived with a combination of staying with friends, cheap motels, and sleeping in the car. Meanwhile - my father told me I should get an attorney to get my money back from the landlord. Yes. Good business advise - but it took ALL I had to SURVIVE. Paying an attorney to get money back someday didn't work into my budget. I finally found a ONE ROOM apartment that I could afford with the remaining money and so we moved there...and my son slept on the couch and I slept on a cot in the entrance. And my father did give me the $300 one month. Something odd though - was one month he gave me $100 and told me to add that to the money my mother gave me. She had NOT given me any money. So apparently he THOUGHT she was giving me money. So maybe he didn't know he wasn't helping, because he thought he was. I don't know. I also don't know why I didn't tell him she hadn't given me any money. It seems like it would have been easy to say " What money? Mom didn't give me any money. " But I didn't mention it. I was puzzled...and by the time I figured out what MIGHT have been going on... it was hard to say anything because that would ahve been bringing the topic UP - instead of just responding to what he said. I guess that would have been against the " rules " to " tell on " my mother. I don't know - the whole thing was weird... Free My mother every time we had a argument would say that she is not going to give me money for this or that. THe thing is I am a doctor earning good money but she would convince me to live beyond my means and she would help me. I guess that is nice, and the easy way out. BUt it really is not, and so I have learnt to live within my means and not let her offer her help so that she will not be able to withdraw it when she is ready. The weird thing is that she would get upset when I refuse her help. These people are so fucked up, they should never have had children. > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: http://www.BPDCentral.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2004 Report Share Posted February 14, 2004 Hmmmm. I wonder if my dad still thinks he is paying my rent... Free > Hi Free, Man I could so relate to that situation!! When I bought my place I had to get two mortgages. So...dad offered to pay the second smaller mortgage off, then have the back 10 acres priced out and if needed, pay me the balance, thereby owning the back 10! Four payments into this, nada tells me that dad changed his mind.... > I ended up paying it off in about 5 years( the second mortgage) Imagine my shock 10 years later to hear my dad comment about owing him all this money for payments he thought he made! What a pickle to be in!! I finally told him that nada had stopped making payments after the fourth one.....then imagine HIS shock! Here he thought all this time that I had reneged on selling him the back 10! Nada had carped on this for years....never telling him the straight of it! Instead, she put the money in HER pocket.! Good Grief! > warm thoughts, > wendy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2004 Report Share Posted February 14, 2004 free_spirit_etc wrote: > Hmmmm. I wonder if my dad still thinks he is paying my rent... > > Free > Uh huh. No wonder you majored in communication! And, no wonder I majored in psych. LOL - Edith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 It wasn't that freeing for me, unfortunately. Although I realized it intellectually, I later (much later) learned that I was still trying to make them happy. I just took a different route, so that I was no longer consciously aware of what I was doing. I spent years trying to create a 'happy' family consisting of my parents, my sister, and our own families. I was so convinced that if I just kept on trying, someday, somehow, it would all click for nada. She would have a grand 'aha' moment, sincerely apologize to all of us, and become the mother I wanted her to be. And we would be the family I thought we could be.....And we would all live happily ever after! Of course, at this time I didn't know about BPD. Giving up that dream isn't easy, but I have some good stuff to put in its place, and I am out looking for some more good stuff. Sylvia > >>>>>>> Once you realize that non matter what you do they will fault you, it is a very freeing moment. Take care. > Otwoma Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.