Re: totally frustrated and bewildered

[Guest guest]

,

YOu might consider talking to an attorney (elder law, preferably).

In this area, they will do an initial consultation free. You might be

able to find options to manage their care in spite of them. The local

social services (in NC) should be able to help too. Look for a senior

services. You have your work cut out for you...good luck.

Lynn

In LBDcaregivers , " catclay54 " <cclayton54@a...>

wrote:

> I've been lurking on the sidelines for a a bit. Just reading and

> keeping with with the goings-on. However, I thought I'd share a

bit.

> My folks in NC (daddy may have LBD, at least has PD). No one has

been

> able to get through to them on the phone lately. It rings and goes

to

> a message that they don't even know they have! Aunts and Uncles

have

> called me to find out what's going on, so today I called a friend

of

> theirs to check on them. They had a new phone that they had plugged

> inn only to the phone line, not the electrical, so the battery ran

> dead. No phone service. I finally got the number of one of their

> neighbors and " met " her over the phone. My parents really aren't

> managing well at all. My mother is having terrible short-term

memory

> problems. She is being harsh and verbally abusive to my father

> because he can't move or speak quickly enough to please her.

She/they

> refuse to consider any kind of in-home assistance and certainly

won't

> consider assisted living which they both need. I'm frantically

> calling and leaving messages at their drs office and at the home

> health social worker's office.

> Has anyone dealt with dementia in both parents? Has anyone dealt

with

> trying to gain guardianship of parents that resist wildly? Their

> neighbor is convinced that mother (who has declared herself Queen

of

> Medication Distribution) isn't giving daddy his meds correctly.

Says

> that some days he seems over-medicated. How can I get their

physician

> to intervene?

> Admittedly, I am very reluctant to go up there (but I will have to

go

> soon) because my mother is very abusive verbally when she is

crossed.

> She can be very hateful and mean. I'm such a chickensh**.

> What can anyone share with me? I feel like I'm responsible for

their

> welfare. Their finances stink with few resources towards AL or NH

> costs.

> I'm rambling I know, but I'm frantic.

>

> Thanks for listening.

> in Austin TX (there are WAY too many /Kathys around

here,

> aren't there?

[Guest guest]

Hi

When my Dad was alive he also had dementia. So I had both parents to care

for, plus hold down a full time job. Of course I lived right next door so my

situation was different than yours. You need to get a POA and any other legal

paperwork out of the way NOW. This way you won't have to go to court to get

what is needed later.

My Mom is quite abusive at times, you have to remember it is not her talking

but the disease. More than likely she will forget all about being abusive to

you in an very short while. They tend to do that.

Good Luck and we will pray for you and your folks,

Jacqui

[Guest guest]

At 07:34 PM 9/15/2004, you wrote:

>My Mom is quite abusive at times, you have to remember it is not her talking

>but the disease. More than likely she will forget all about being abusive to

>you in an very short while. They tend to do that.

Absolutely. After one of our all-nighters, Mom never recalls

anything she's done or said, and is terribly embarrassed when we tell her

any of it.

I'd like to thank all of you for your input about drugs. The

nurse-practitioner from Palliative Care came out today to see the folks,

and was asking me if I'd like to try resperidol (I'm sure that's spelled

wrong, but you know what I mean.) I said I'd check the lists of good and

bad drugs and was able not only to say " NO! " but to show her how it's been

linked to stroke in elderly dementia patients. She was v. interested in

those lists, btw, so I gave her copies to keep in Mom's file. She doesn't

know anything about LBD, and was thrilled at how much information I was

able to impart, much gleaned just from my week among you all.

I've taken a deep breath, made an appointment to start therapy,

and put out feelers about getting state funding for doing what I'm doing (I

can't work because of the caregiving.) I'm hoping the future will be, if

not better, then more balanced.

To those of you who are as new, or newer, than I, you've come to

the right place. And to you " old timers " ... I really don't think I can

adequately thank you for being here. I especially want to say thank you to

those who have been diagnosed yourselves. I can't begin to imagine how

hard it is to share your experiences and read ours. Seems to me that takes

a lot of courage.

Take care, especially you gulf coast folks!

dargie

[Guest guest]

said:

My parents really aren't managing well at all.

*********************

This is one of those sad situations where you may have to resort to calling

Adult Protective Services to come and do an assessment of your parents and

their living situation. I know another woman whose parents both had dementa

and refused to consider moving to an assisted living facility. She finally

had to force the issue by calling APS.

I hope things work out!

carol

[Guest guest]

in Austin Tx,

When I went to Moms house and she was in bad shape, I gave her the

choice of either having in home help or she could come live with me or

go to the nh.

( I did not have 2 sick parents)

She informed me she would just fire the help I put in place and I told

her if she did than she would have no choice and I would come and get

her (I had no idea how I was going to do that!!!!)

She did end up liking the help I set up and she got baths and food and

had company and when she got into trouble that is who she called to come

and help her.

She did end up having to come and live with me for 3 years, but she got

to try and see if she could handle it.

I did lots of bluffing with her. I did not realize how much she did not

understand as she was still talking somewhat sensible. I just learned

to be more clever than she was.

It was certainly not easy and sometimes I had to come up with good ideas

on the spot, If she said she was not going to an MD appointment, I told

her she made the appointment and the MD was going to be mad if she did

not show up. Then I proceed as if we were going to the appointment and

she usually just got dressed and went. It did not alway work, but I was

alway pleasantly surprised when it did.

Protective Services as someone else pointed out, will go in.

Donna R