Re: Jim's care in a facility/Jan

[Guest guest]

Dear Jan-

Ok, lets talk. I hope you have stopped vomitting, and are

able to talk. Does Jim have a will already in place? If not,

possibly that is where you could start. Here in Iowa, one of

our Universities - Drake University - has a law department

whereas they offer free or even sliding scale legal advice.

We used them for my dad's POA. For that, it was free.

You might check into seeing if a University near you has

that type of service. Also, is Jim aware of all that is

going on with 'his' money and the sale of the house? It might

be worth calling his kids, or even just his daughter, over

with the 3 of you talking. Of course, I would talk this over

with Jim first, to see what his thoughts are, so there are

no surprises. So far, these are my thoughts, and I will continue

to try and come up with ideas to help you.

In the meantime, know that the sun will still shine, and that

tomorrow is yet another day to cherish.

Sending many prayers up in your name, and hugs for you-

Sandie

-- Janet Colello wrote:

Hi All,

I am feeling so screwed, used and confused right now,

I can't get a grip on myself.

It's such a long story, I don't know where to begin.

Before Jim and I were married, he put this house in a

trust to his kids, but he always told me the money

from the sale of the house would pay his way in a

facility if the need ever arrived. I contacted Jim's

daughter, remember his 3 kids have never lifted a

finger in his care nor do they just come to visit,

except for maybe every 6 months or more, unless

there's a party or holiday. I explained to Jim's

daughter that I have seen two separate social workers

and Jim will not qualify to get assistance from the

state for long-term AL, because our combined assets

are too great and we would have to spend down. It

includes my assets, which I need for my retirement and

to live on in the future. I can not spend down on

mine, so when I told her the money from the sale of

the house, which was appraised at $900,000.00

recently, could go into an account in the trust name

and the amount monthly could be taken out to pay AL

for Jim's long -term care until death and the balance

after that they could divide between them, she said,

dad told us that the money from the sale of the house

is not to be used for his care, but to go to the three

of us and be divided between us and we have to honor

his wishes. I have never heard of this, since he told

me the house would always pay his way. This was a vow

that was made way before I came into the picture,

before Jim and I were married and he was in good

health. He never knew he would be in the state he is

in now. I am so livid I can't see straight. I am

running in circles, because now I am scared what to do

and where to begin. I feel I am going to be taken for

everything as they run smiling to the bank. Imelda in

caringspouses told me to run not walk to an Elder Care

Lawyer. I guess I am going to have to do that, but

where to get the money to pay an attorney and a

caregiver to stay with my husband, so I can get out to

take care of it all, what an expense! I have been to

one pro bono and he was no help at all. I am so

sickened!!! I feel stuck in a situation that I have

given my all to. I quit my job for my husband's care

and I am now feeling trapped and taken for a ride. I

want to scream, I want to cry. I need a shoulder to

cry on, there's no support here, what have I done to

myself?! It may come down to a forced divorce, but

will they take all I have even then?

Excuse

me, I'm going to go vomit. Jan

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Dear Jan-

It is my honor to know that there really is something I

can do to help - prayer is so powerful!

I have nothing else to attribute my survival of LBD struggles

with my dad except prayer.

Today, tomorrow, and always in my prayers-

With hugs to you-

Sandie

-- Janet Colello wrote:

Hi Sunshine,

I am breathing a little easier tonight. I really felt

ill, I couldn't get myself together to think straight,

but all of you gave me a little nudge and sent me on

my way and to that I am very much appreciative. Yes,

there is a Living Trust, but it is not in my hands.

I had to explain to Jim what was going on at least 5

times, but he really couldn't get a grasp on it, he

had me repeat over and over what was going on, because

I was in such a tizzy. I appreciate all of your

thoughts, ideas and suggestions....Hugs to you

Sunshine and thank you ever so much for those prayers

you keep pouring out in my name. The Lord is saying,

" It's Jan again, someone get going and give her a

hand. " My guardian angel is being worked overtime

these last few months.

--- Sandie wrote:

>

> Dear Jan-

>

> Ok, lets talk. I hope you have stopped vomitting,

> and are

> able to talk. Does Jim have a will already in

> place? If not,

> possibly that is where you could start. Here in

> Iowa, one of

> our Universities - Drake University - has a law

> department

> whereas they offer free or even sliding scale legal

> advice.

> We used them for my dad's POA. For that, it was

> free.

> You might check into seeing if a University near you

> has

> that type of service. Also, is Jim aware of all

> that is

> going on with 'his' money and the sale of the house?

> It might

> be worth calling his kids, or even just his

> daughter, over

> with the 3 of you talking. Of course, I would talk

> this over

> with Jim first, to see what his thoughts are, so

> there are

> no surprises. So far, these are my thoughts, and I

> will continue

> to try and come up with ideas to help you.

>

> In the meantime, know that the sun will still shine,

> and that

> tomorrow is yet another day to cherish.

>

> Sending many prayers up in your name, and hugs for

> you-

> Sandie

>

>

> -- Janet Colello wrote:

> Hi All,

> I am feeling so screwed, used and confused right

> now,

> I can't get a grip on myself.

> It's such a long story, I don't know where to begin.

> Before Jim and I were married, he put this house in

> a

> trust to his kids, but he always told me the money

> from the sale of the house would pay his way in a

> facility if the need ever arrived. I contacted Jim's

> daughter, remember his 3 kids have never lifted a

> finger in his care nor do they just come to visit,

> except for maybe every 6 months or more, unless

> there's a party or holiday. I explained to Jim's

> daughter that I have seen two separate social

> workers

> and Jim will not qualify to get assistance from the

> state for long-term AL, because our combined assets

> are too great and we would have to spend down. It

> includes my assets, which I need for my retirement

> and

> to live on in the future. I can not spend down on

> mine, so when I told her the money from the sale of

> the house, which was appraised at $900,000.00

> recently, could go into an account in the trust name

> and the amount monthly could be taken out to pay AL

> for Jim's long -term care until death and the

> balance

> after that they could divide between them, she said,

> dad told us that the money from the sale of the

> house

> is not to be used for his care, but to go to the

> three

> of us and be divided between us and we have to honor

> his wishes. I have never heard of this, since he

> told

> me the house would always pay his way. This was a

> vow

> that was made way before I came into the picture,

> before Jim and I were married and he was in good

> health. He never knew he would be in the state he is

> in now. I am so livid I can't see straight. I am

> running in circles, because now I am scared what to

> do

> and where to begin. I feel I am going to be taken

> for

> everything as they run smiling to the bank. Imelda

> in

> caringspouses told me to run not walk to an Elder

> Care

> Lawyer. I guess I am going to have to do that, but

> where to get the money to pay an attorney and a

> caregiver to stay with my husband, so I can get out

> to

> take care of it all, what an expense! I have been to

> one pro bono and he was no help at all. I am so

> sickened!!! I feel stuck in a situation that I have

> given my all to. I quit my job for my husband's care

> and I am now feeling trapped and taken for a ride. I

> want to scream, I want to cry. I need a shoulder to

> cry on, there's no support here, what have I done to

> myself?! It may come down to a forced divorce, but

> will they take all I have even then?

>

> Excuse

> me, I'm going to go vomit. Jan

>

> __________________________________________________

>