Re: Hi Donna R.

July 6, 2004

Hi Donna-

I haven't seen many posts from you lately, and today saw there were two. So, I

wanted to say hello. Don't want anything, haven't a lot to say...but wanted to

recognise you and give a big " HELLO DONNA " !!

I remember our meeting last August, you were a valuable attendee, and I am so

pleased I had a chance to meet you in person.

Hugs to you Donna-

Sandie

-- mido101@... wrote:

???

First welcome to a place no one wants to be but keeps most of us sane.

You are really working with extremely early onset.

Let us know what meds and how they came to the decision it is LBD.

Usually it is a hard diagnosis to get from the MED profession. Are

there meds they are suggesting? I recently hear Aricept is not doing

what they thought it would.

You have a really long road ahead if this is real. I would wonder how

they decided it was LBD.

There is a spouse group. We are not chasing you away but giving you

even more choices. Make sure you find the legal aspects that need to be

addressed earlier than usual. THE 36 HOUR DAY is a good resource for

caregivers. (Book)

Donna R

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

July 7, 2004

Sandie,

I have been reading and hoped I would be back on a more regular basis

and be able to explain where I have been.

Prior to Mom " s death in Oct, " 02, my WSBs, (wicked step bros) started in

on how we needed to sell Moms house in WI. As you all know I am in MI

and had Mom in a nh at that time. Mom was protected from all that with

prenuptial. They could not touch the house until she died.

When she died in Oct and I took her back to WI to bury her, and got

through Christmas that year, I had already heard from their lawyer

twice. By Jan, " 03, I told them all to sit down a minute. I had no way

to get back to WI in the middle of winter, (it is a twelve hour car

trip) and I had a few things to take care of and could we negotiate a

deal so that I bought out the house. They SAID, SURE.

By then I had an opportunity to go through some of her papers and found

when my step father died in " 88, these boys had stole everything they

could get their hands on. I know now that Mom was already sick. The

beginning stages and she was so afraid the WSBs were going to " take the

house. "

What they did get was a $40,000.00 Motor home. They gave her

$10,000.00. Now does that sound like half to anyone reading this?

While their Dad laid dying, they got him to ask her if she would let

them have the Motor home. He never signed the title because he could

not have, he was to sick. And they did not have the title with them in

Minnesota, where he was in the hospital. The motor home was purchased

in 4/88 and he died in 11/88. They had never driven it themselves.

Then when his estate was settled,, they got her to sign away all the

things that " belonged to Dad. "

Now all this sounds reasonable UNTIL you learn, they were married for 3

YEARS.

EVERYTHING they had they kept separate to protect their own children.

They got his house and land and checking account and savings account,

(that started at $5,000.00 and was now at 15 or 20,000.

My Mother sold her house and another piece of property for about

$70,000. and bought the new house they were now living in and she had

paid lots of $s out in repairs for the house. She had the money and he

did some work on it, so she naturally put his name on it. That was a

major mistake with the WSBs.

I was served with Court papers from them in Feb. " 02. (In WI) So I had

to find and hire an attorney. Borrow money to try and buy them out, and

just recently they wanted an assessment of the HOUSE!! THere is 2

reasons this is crazy. I would not let Mom put a dime into the house.

And we already had a tax assessment. And a Real estate sales person

already told us what it was worth. Fortunately I have had it rented

when she died, so the rents have kept up taxes and insurance while we

fight. But the renters are tired of hearing I do not know what will

happen. They moved out.

This is where my last two years have gone. I am not even caught up on

all my stuff that had fallen behind after 4 years with Mom. I still do

not sleep well. (Remember the every other night we stayed up for 3

years.) And I work. And I have to figure out how to get time to get my

knees fixed from lifting Mom when the nh was uncooperative.

So they want everything that was their Dads and half of everything else.

And they may get it as to much time has passed for me to object. They

know he had no money at the time Mom and he got married as he had to

borrow some money from them to pay his previous bills.

Mom lost about $100,000.00 dollars in that 3 year marriage, minus what

ever we get for the house for her half.

So while I have been reading and know it is your birthday, Hope you had

a Happy one, and you had a wonderful trip to see , And " s

daughter had a bad accident, , I have a card sitting here and lost

the address, and has seen snow, and lots of new people are here,

and Simmel has lost Liem, and Courage has lost her wonderful dog, I

HAVE mostly been either busy with paper work or depressed.

And I do not know when this will end. That was my last question to my

lawyer. I guess I could sell the house and then the $s could sit in an

account and the lawyers could eat it up. Even that sounds like to much

work. I have 2 step bros and they are in 2 other states and I am in MI

and the house is in WI.

What I did want to say, is please have your LOs take care of their legal

work or help them to do it before it gets bad. This has made this a 6

year ordeal since I went to the hospital in WI and picked up my very

sick Mom. And if I was tired at 4 years, I am tired and depressed at

6.

And I did have DPA!!!!!!!!!

Donna R

July 7, 2004

Donna

My heart goes out to you because I see the same thing coming my way when Mom

passes. Only its not my brothers but 2 grandchildren who will be standing

there with their hands out. My sister passed away in 88 and mom does have a

will.

The house is to be sold and split 4 ways. Well my brothers have already

told me I am to get their share because of being the caregiver and the only one

here doing anything. I also have her DPA. My sister has 3 kids but the

youngest tends to agree with the brothers and doesn't want anything from the

house.

I, like you am planning to buy out the other two kids. The problem being

they think the house is worth more than it is.

These same two kids don't want their Memere put in a nh because we would have

to sell her house to pay for it.

I have been praying a lot lately to do the right thing. I don't want to put

her in a nh either and won't unless it is absolutely necessary.

My whole thing was to cheer you up and instead here I am venting. Will pray

for you to get the right solution. God Bless and take care of yourself.

Jacqui

July 7, 2004

donna r

i am soo sorry to hear about the wicked step brothers, i can relate to alot

of your story, and the wickedpeople werent even related as dad didnt marry

girfriend. when dad had his 2nd back surgery which alos failed his girlfriend at

the tmie cleaned out the joint checking account which dad put 10, 000 $ in it

for them . she told dad she earned the money taking care of him after his

surgery, sheesh she didnt do anyting for him !!!!!!! grrrr. and then abut

10years ago when dad went into deep depression and was suicidal, i was the first

family memeber to come down here, and 3 days later when my aunt came, yes THE

aunt, came down and dad decided he was gonna movce up with me so we startd

paking

his house up , well girlfriends daughter came over, and started talking aobu

tdad's stuff like i HIS ONLY daughter wasnt there. for example " what do you

think lenny is gonna do with this " well one of the things they picked up was a

piece of art wrok that my mom bought for him, and i proudly announced " yes

isnt that gorgeous, my mom gave it to my dad " boy if looks could killl, i

wouldnt be here today. and then my aunt got in on it, taking things that she

wanted, which when dad realized he wasnt going to be blind and he moved back

home ,

do you think he got any of his things back, helll no. oh yeah, my dad had a

volkswagon vanagon camper, that he bought for 1500 and did alot of work ad put

money into , probably another 1500 well gf talked daddy into selling the van

to her son for 1500, made me sooo mad when i found out, that happened the day

before i got down here and these are people who supposedly loved my dad. i

gave dad back everything that i had, but no one else did, so dad had to

refurnishi his house for the second time. and now this same aunt is trying to

manipulate dad so she would get 1/2 of dads assets, with are fairly substantail,

i cant believe how greedy people are, my hopes in that they will have to

explain come judgement day

keep you spirits up, and keep on trucking!!

sharon m /florida

a smile a day keeps the meanies away!!!

July 7, 2004

Donna,

between my dad's ex gf , and his sister and these brothers they all ought to

be thankful we arent mob related, or we all would be readinga bout them in the

newspaper. that makes me so mad, people can be sooo damn selfish, and mean,

and ugly and they dont deserve the goodness of people like your mom, and they

all should be damned for their actions, keep up your strength and stay as

calm as you can, vent here, we will all help you release it, and get your

angered

geared productively. and you should prevail, and rememver, none of us would

want to be in their shoes come judgement day!!!

sharon m

a smile a day keeps the meanies away!!!

July 7, 2004

Donna R

i am in process of getting poa for dad, and i hope to eliminate all these

things that have others names on it, in time. still waiting for darn attorney

to

get stuff to me, guess i need to call hiim tomorrow.

sigh, if not one thing its anohter,

sharom m

a smile a day keeps the meanies away!!!

July 7, 2004

Donna,

I think Sandie needs to get in her truck and do some driving to meet your

WSBs! Hell, I can't even drive and I'd do it in a minute! I am so sorry

that you have to go through all this S#$!. May the money they stole from

your mother and you bring them only despair!!!!! (sorry, I know this is

mean but hell, I'm angry!)

Courage

Re: Hi Donna R.

>Sandie,

>

>I have been reading and hoped I would be back on a more regular basis

>and be able to explain where I have been.

>

>Prior to Mom " s death in Oct, " 02, my WSBs, (wicked step bros) started in

>on how we needed to sell Moms house in WI. As you all know I am in MI

>and had Mom in a nh at that time. Mom was protected from all that with

>prenuptial. They could not touch the house until she died.

>

>When she died in Oct and I took her back to WI to bury her, and got

>through Christmas that year, I had already heard from their lawyer

>twice. By Jan, " 03, I told them all to sit down a minute. I had no way

>to get back to WI in the middle of winter, (it is a twelve hour car

>trip) and I had a few things to take care of and could we negotiate a

>deal so that I bought out the house. They SAID, SURE.

>

>By then I had an opportunity to go through some of her papers and found

>when my step father died in " 88, these boys had stole everything they

>could get their hands on. I know now that Mom was already sick. The

>beginning stages and she was so afraid the WSBs were going to " take the

>house. "

>

>What they did get was a $40,000.00 Motor home. They gave her

>$10,000.00. Now does that sound like half to anyone reading this?

>While their Dad laid dying, they got him to ask her if she would let

>them have the Motor home. He never signed the title because he could

>not have, he was to sick. And they did not have the title with them in

>Minnesota, where he was in the hospital. The motor home was purchased

>in 4/88 and he died in 11/88. They had never driven it themselves.

>

>Then when his estate was settled,, they got her to sign away all the

>things that " belonged to Dad. "

>

>Now all this sounds reasonable UNTIL you learn, they were married for 3

>YEARS.

>

>EVERYTHING they had they kept separate to protect their own children.

>They got his house and land and checking account and savings account,

>(that started at $5,000.00 and was now at 15 or 20,000.

>

>My Mother sold her house and another piece of property for about

>$70,000. and bought the new house they were now living in and she had

>paid lots of $s out in repairs for the house. She had the money and he

>did some work on it, so she naturally put his name on it. That was a

>major mistake with the WSBs.

>

>I was served with Court papers from them in Feb. " 02. (In WI) So I had

>to find and hire an attorney. Borrow money to try and buy them out, and

>just recently they wanted an assessment of the HOUSE!! THere is 2

>reasons this is crazy. I would not let Mom put a dime into the house.

>And we already had a tax assessment. And a Real estate sales person

>already told us what it was worth. Fortunately I have had it rented

>when she died, so the rents have kept up taxes and insurance while we

>fight. But the renters are tired of hearing I do not know what will

>happen. They moved out.

>

>This is where my last two years have gone. I am not even caught up on

>all my stuff that had fallen behind after 4 years with Mom. I still do

>not sleep well. (Remember the every other night we stayed up for 3

>years.) And I work. And I have to figure out how to get time to get my

>knees fixed from lifting Mom when the nh was uncooperative.

>

>So they want everything that was their Dads and half of everything else.

>And they may get it as to much time has passed for me to object. They

>know he had no money at the time Mom and he got married as he had to

>borrow some money from them to pay his previous bills.

>

>Mom lost about $100,000.00 dollars in that 3 year marriage, minus what

>ever we get for the house for her half.

>

>So while I have been reading and know it is your birthday, Hope you had

>a Happy one, and you had a wonderful trip to see , And " s

>daughter had a bad accident, , I have a card sitting here and lost

>the address, and has seen snow, and lots of new people are here,

>and Simmel has lost Liem, and Courage has lost her wonderful dog, I

>HAVE mostly been either busy with paper work or depressed.

>

>And I do not know when this will end. That was my last question to my

>lawyer. I guess I could sell the house and then the $s could sit in an

>account and the lawyers could eat it up. Even that sounds like to much

>work. I have 2 step bros and they are in 2 other states and I am in MI

>and the house is in WI.

>

>What I did want to say, is please have your LOs take care of their legal

>work or help them to do it before it gets bad. This has made this a 6

>year ordeal since I went to the hospital in WI and picked up my very

>sick Mom. And if I was tired at 4 years, I am tired and depressed at

>6.

>

>And I did have DPA!!!!!!!!!

>

>Donna R

>

>Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

July 7, 2004

I agree Courage. I have been enraged for the first year. I am trying

to keep myself calm enough to not sound like a wild woman. I think I

will get further with a calm attitude. I have everything documented

which makes it worse.

The first time I called the younger of the two bros, who I knew had

borrowed his Dad money, the first words out of his mouth was that he

knew his dad had no money!!

I believe this is all attributed to his older bro who was the one doing

all the dirty work in the first place. I think most of the family is

afraid of this older one. I am not!!!!!!!!

They went so far as to ask Mom, at the time of their Dads death, for the

$200.00 that Social Security gave her. They said she should give them

that because it was intended to bury him. The Undertaker assured Mom

the money was hers to keep.

Donna

July 7, 2004

Donna

Thank you for your advice. Will talk to brothers tomorrow. Sister in law

works for attorney so will get advice from him. God be with you and yours.

Jacqui

July 7, 2004

Jacque,

Do it now. Whatever you are going to do, do it now. If people are

willing to sell you their share, find a lawyer who will get the house

put in your name. And buy it out at todays rates.

Many things change when people die. And then here I sat with egg on my

face because I did not take the time to do it when it should have been

done.

I kept trying not to step on Moms toes. That was my first mistake.

There are legal ways to do it and while all the relatives are so

cooperative is the best time to see if they really mean it. An

assessment can quickly put an end to what the house is worth, NOW.

Your Mom can live for lots more years and the earlier this is done the

less Medicare is involved. YOU can always sell the house if you need to

and use the money how you want.

One who has learned the hard way. I wish I had taken the time to do

what I knew needed to be done.

Donna R

July 7, 2004

Oh Donna-

I remember so much of this had happened when we met in La Crosse

last August. My heart went out to you then, and still does.

I remember your sweet smile and how much fun you were to be around.

It is ok if you don't get a chance to post very often, just knowing

you are there lurking is a comforting feeling for me. Also Donna,

please know that every night, you are included in my nightly prayers

for the original 5 of our LO's that passed away during that 2 month

period. It was a loss for so many. I do also include in my prayers

the other members who have since lost their loved ones, who are

now in this exclusive group of ours, which no one wants to belong

to...on the other side of LBD.

I do pray for you Donna, regularly. Thinking of you often, and

just thrilled to death to have seen your name in here again.

Hugging you with all my might-

Sandie - and , as I know he too, wishes you well!!