Re: Help please I need ideas, escaping from the house!

[Guest guest]

Hi

My almost nine year old, suffers from terrible separation anxiety when I leave

her, last night was the worst it has been, on my leaving she bolted down stairs

after me despite having asked me to tuck her into bed before I left as she felt

sick, she often feels sick, I think mostly it is a stress reaction although she

is sick alot! As I got to going through the door, my husband restrained her to

allow me to lock the door to keep her in at which point she bolted upstairs and

attempted to climb out of the window, this window is normally kept locked and

has now been locked again.  Again, my husband headed her off, secured the

window and sat with her until she had calmed down, he then left to settle my two

year old down as she had picked up on the stress and was crying, he heard Grace

moving around and found her putting on her dogs harness and lead, having got

herself dressed, she then informed him that she knew where I was and was going

to find me! 

Having sat down with her calmly he managed to get her back into bed and settled,

she then cuddled my two year old to sleep and was very caring and grown up

towards her. 

We have tried all sorts of strategies and wondered what else we could do to help

the anxiety be less, I do not really want to use drugs if I can help it!

She is anxious if both my husband and I go out, although less so if I leave her

with my mother. 

any ideas?

thanks C2Tony x

[Guest guest]

What have you tried so far? Any practice sessions with you leaving for

short short periods and then working up. Can she talk about it> Can she

come up with anything herself to make transitions easier? Tell us more

about her. When did the anxiety begin? Does the anxiety show itself in

other areas of her life ? The more we can learn about her the better so we

don't suggest things that have been tried before . Are you giving her lots

and lots of time and information to prepare her ahead of time for your

leaving?

-- Re: Help please I need ideas, escaping

from the house!

Hi

My almost nine year old, suffers from terrible separation anxiety when I

leave her, last night was the worst it has been, on my leaving she bolted

down stairs after me despite having asked me to tuck her into bed before I

left as she felt sick, she often feels sick, I think mostly it is a stress

reaction although she is sick alot! As I got to going through the door, my

husband restrained her to allow me to lock the door to keep her in at which

point she bolted upstairs and attempted to climb out of the window, this

window is normally kept locked and has now been locked again. Again, my

husband headed her off, secured the window and sat with her until she had

calmed down, he then left to settle my two year old down as she had picked

up on the stress and was crying, he heard Grace moving around and found her

putting on her dogs harness and lead, having got herself dressed, she then

informed him that she knew where I was and was going to find me!

Having sat down with her calmly he managed to get her back into bed and

settled, she then cuddled my two year old to sleep and was very caring and

grown up towards her.

We have tried all sorts of strategies and wondered what else we could do to

help the anxiety be less, I do not really want to use drugs if I can help

it!

She is anxious if both my husband and I go out, although less so if I leave

her with my mother.

any ideas?

thanks C2Tony x

[Guest guest]

Hi

Grace is a lovely placid girl most of the time, her anxieties started at birth,

she was in special care but only for  a few days after she was born as she was

seven weeks early. 

Most people are shocked when they hear that Grace is asd, in fact the lady that

gave me a lift to the dinner party last night is a school teacher friend and

said that she had always thought that Grace's diagnosis was incorrect until she

saw her tonight! but those that really know her, like my family know that she is

asd, her school has said that she seems to be becoming more autistic as she gets

older, I don't think she is although her behaviour is more and more challenging

but I think the gap between that and her peers is growing. Grace has never coped

with being left, she hated nursery and would not go to parties if it meant that

I had to leave her, she will occassionally go to a friends house for tea but

often comes home early as she cannot cope with the difference from one house to

another. If she is taken to school by someone like another mother she has less

issues being left, she has walked out of school twice and they have 'lost' her a

few times within the confines of the school only to find her minutes later. 

If she becomes distressed at home she hides, she is in the process of having and

assistance dog trained for her at the moment and is doing her training in April.

What we have tried is: 

I have tried going out just fo

r minutes before returning and building up slowly we got to about two hours,

which she was ok with but still did not like it, I have tried sitting her down

and explaining that she goes out and does things that she enjoys and this is

just my turn as such, we have tried a 'good' behaviour chart earning her pebbles

and rocks, she has a thing about pebbles stones and rocks and to her they are

high value!  I have once not told her anything and just dropped it on her

seconds before leaving, she coped pretty well this this, If I let her know far

ahead the anxiety builds and builds to the point she is begging me not to go and

it makes her feel physically sick, my husband thinks she is making this up so

that I do not go, but I still go and she has always been a child that is sick

pretty easily, my other daughter has only been sick twice in her life, however

Grace even as a baby often ended up having baths in the middle of the night as

she had thrown up all over herself, she regularly sleeps with a towel on her bed

and cuddles her potty to sleep, which is of great comfort to her.

In two weeks time I have to go away for 12 hours plus, I will be taking her dog

up to the training centre to complete his autism assistance training and i am

very worried as how she will cope in my absence, my husband will be staying with

her as will my 2.5 year old. I am hoping that her dog will be leaving her a

present but have yet to work out what it will b

e, which will distract her during my leaving or help to calm her down once I

have gone! 

She is due to have a formal assessment for adhd in about ten days although i

think this is just a formality as she scored very high on the questionnaire.

Any ideas would be appreciated

Tony x

Re: Help please I need ideas, escaping

from the house!

Hi

My almost nine year old,20suffers from terrible separation anxiety when I

leave her, last night was the worst it has been, on my leaving she bolted

down stairs after me despite having asked me to tuck her into bed before I

left as she felt sick, she often feels sick, I think mostly it is a stress

reaction although she is sick alot! As I got to going through the door, my

husband restrained her to allow me to lock the door to keep her in at which

point she bolted upstairs and attempted to climb out of the window, this

window is normally kept locked and has now been locked again. Again, my

husband headed her off, secured the window and sat with her until she had

calmed down, he then left to settle my two year old down as she had picked

up on the stress and was crying, he heard Grace moving around and found her

putting on her dogs harness and lead, having got herself dressed, she then

informed him that she knew where I was and was going to find me!

Having sat down with her calmly he managed to get her back into bed and

settled, she then cuddled my two year old to sleep and was very caring and

grown up towards her.

We have tried all sorts of strategies and wondered what else we could do to

help the anxiety be less, I do not really want to use drugs if I can help

it!

She is anxious if both my husband and I go out, although less so if I leave

her with my mother.

any ideas?

thanks C2Tony x

[Guest guest]

Tony, instinct told me you had already tried the obvious. You most

certainly have. My guess is that Sonya will be one of the best resource

persons here for you. Sonya where are you????

The dog sounds like an excellent addition and will provide a constant

dependable companion for her. Lets hope that helps a bit. I hope others

here can support you more than I feel able. Thank you for taking the time

to give us more background. That will help.

It is strange, my daughter seems to be the opposite. I don't think she

notices whether or not I am away. It often seems to me she would be as

contented with a stranger as her own mommy. Both extremes, our girls.

Will be glad to learn along with you as others respond.

-- Re: Help please I need ideas, escaping

from the house!

Hi

My almost nine year old,20suffers from terrible separation anxiety when I

leave her, last night was the worst it has been, on my leaving she bolted

down stairs after me despite having asked me to tuck her into bed before I

left as she felt sick, she often feels sick, I think mostly it is a stress

reaction although she is sick alot! As I got to going through the door, my

husband restrained her to allow me to lock the door to keep her in at which

point she bolted upstairs and attempted to climb out of the window, this

window is normally kept locked and has now been locked again. Again, my

husband headed her off, secured the window and sat with her until she had

calmed down, he then left to settle my two year old down as she had picked

up on the stress and was crying, he heard Grace moving around and found her

putting on her dogs harness and lead, having got herself dressed, she then

informed him that she knew where I was and was going to find me!

Having sat down with her calmly he managed to get her back into bed and

settled, she then cuddled my two year old to sleep and was very caring and

grown up towards her.

We have tried all sorts of strategies and wondered what else we could do to

help the anxiety be less, I do not really want to use drugs if I can help

it!

She is anxious if both my husband and I go out, although less so if I leave

her with my mother.

any ideas?

thanks C2Tony x

[Guest guest]

HI

Everything with Grace is very final, if i go away or her dad, she says I will

never see you again, like, that's it we would leave forever, it is very hard,

she is lingual but somehow she has this block that we will run away form her for

ever!!

Tony x

Re: Help please I need ideas, escaping

from the house!

Hi

My almost nine year old,20suffers from terrible separation anxiety when I

leave her, last night was the worst it has been, on my leaving she bolted

down stairs after me despite having asked me to tuck her into bed before I

left as she felt sick, she often feels sick, I think mostly it is a stress

reaction although she is sick alot! As I got to going through the door, my

husband restrained her to allow me to lock the door to keep her in at which

point she bolted upstairs and attempted to climb out of the window, this

window is normally kept locked and has now been locked again. Again, my

husband headed her off, secured the window and sat with her until she had

calmed down, he then left to settle my two year old down as she had picked

up on the stress and was crying, he heard Grace moving around and found her

putting on her dogs harness and lead, having got herself dressed, she then

informed him that she knew where I was and was going to find me!

Having sat down with her calmly he managed to get her back into bed and

settled, she then cuddled my two year old to sleep and was very caring and

0Agrown up towards her.

We have tried all sorts of strategies and wondered what else we could do to

help the anxiety be less, I do not really want to use drugs if I can help

it!

She is anxious if both my husband and I go out, although less so if I leave

her with my mother.

any ideas?

thanks C2Tony x

[Guest guest]

Two thoughts.

First, if you have tried short periods & it hasn't worked, have you

tried longer periods, like a couple of days? I know that sounds

extreme, but it might break her by allowing her to be stressed to the

point she has to get used to it. I don't have any idea if it would

work or make her horribly miserable, but it's something different to try.

Second, I don't believe meds should be used until last resort. At the

same time, it may not be the worst thing you could do, either. What

you are describing is something that doesn't sound to be getting any

easier for her, and you've been working on it her entire life. When we

began SSRI med for Allie, it made her life functional. She still has

some anxiety & obsessions, but she can work through it. To me,

medication is a perspective issue. If dietary, allergy/gut problems, &

behavioral approaches have been exhausted, then sometimes meds become

a life saver.

Debi

>

> HI

>

>

>

> Everything with Grace is very final, if i go away or her dad, she

says I will never see you again, like, that's it we would leave

forever, it is very hard, she is lingual but somehow she has this

block that we will run away form her for ever!!

>

>

>

>

> Tony x

>

>

> Re: Help please I need ideas,

escaping

>

>

>

>

>

> from the house!

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi

>

>

>

>

>

> My almost nine year old,20suffers from terrible separation anxiety

when I

>

>

>

>

>

> leave her, last night was the worst it has been, on my leaving she

bolted

>

>

>

>

>

> down stairs after me despite having asked me to tuck her into bed

before I

>

>

>

>

>

> left as she felt sick, she often feels sick, I think mostly it is a

stress

>

>

>

>

>

> reaction although she is sick alot! As I got to going through the

door, my

>

>

>

>

>

> husband restrained her to allow me to lock the door to keep her in

at which

>

>

>

>

>

> point she bolted upstairs and attempted to climb out of the window, this

>

>

>

>

>

> window is normally kept locked and has now been locked again. Again, my

>

>

>

>

>

> husband headed her off, secured the window and sat with her until

she had

>

>

>

>

>

> calmed down, he then left to settle my two year old down as she had

picked

>

>

>

>

>

> up on the stress and was crying, he heard Grace moving around and

found her

>

>

>

>

>

> putting on her dogs harness and lead, having got herself dressed,

she then

>

>

>

>

>

> informed him that she knew where I was and was going to find me!

>

>

>

>

>

> Having sat down with her calmly he managed to get her back into bed and

>

>

>

>

>

> settled, she then cuddled my two year old to sleep and was very

caring and

>

>

>

>

> 0Agrown up towards her.

>

>

>

>

>

> We have tried all sorts of strategies and wondered what else we

could do to

>

>

>

>

>

> help the anxiety be less, I do not really want to use drugs if I can

help

>

>

>

>

>

> it!

>

>

>

>

>

> She is anxious if both my husband and I go out, although less so if

I leave

>

>

>

>

>

> her with my mother.

>

>

>

>

>

> any ideas?

>

>

>

>

>

> thanks C2Tony x

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Certainly you'd like to try everything before meds, but Debi is right --

they can be lifesavers. The thought of your daughter trying to escape

and track you down is very scary. My son had impulse control problems

that made his life dangerous and anxiety that made him miserable.

Antidepressants keep him safe and now the behavioral things we're

teaching him are working better and better. Also he's a happy kid.

Your choices are tough ones. Hang in there! Keep looking and you'll

find an answer.

-- Cassie

Debi wrote:

> Two thoughts.

>

> First, if you have tried short periods & it hasn't worked, have you

> tried longer periods, like a couple of days? I know that sounds

> extreme, but it might break her by allowing her to be stressed to the

> point she has to get used to it. I don't have any idea if it would

> work or make her horribly miserable, but it's something different to try.

>

> Second, I don't believe meds should be used until last resort. At the

> same time, it may not be the worst thing you could do, either. What

> you are describing is something that doesn't sound to be getting any

> easier for her, and you've been working on it her entire life. When we

> began SSRI med for Allie, it made her life functional. She still has

> some anxiety & obsessions, but she can work through it. To me,

> medication is a perspective issue. If dietary, allergy/gut problems, &

> behavioral approaches have been exhausted, then sometimes meds become

> a life saver.

>

> Debi

>

>

> >

> > HI

> >

> >

> >

> > Everything with Grace is very final, if i go away or her dad, she

> says I will never see you again, like, that's it we would leave

> forever, it is very hard, she is lingual but somehow she has this

> block that we will run away form her for ever!!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Tony x

> >

> >

> > Re: Help please I need ideas,

> escaping

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > from the house!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hi

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > My almost nine year old,20suffers from terrible separation anxiety

> when I

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > leave her, last night was the worst it has been, on my leaving she

> bolted

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > down stairs after me despite having asked me to tuck her into bed

> before I

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > left as she felt sick, she often feels sick, I think mostly it is a

> stress

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > reaction although she is sick alot! As I got to going through the

> door, my

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > husband restrained her to allow me to lock the door to keep her in

> at which

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > point she bolted upstairs and attempted to climb out of the window, this

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > window is normally kept locked and has now been locked again. Again, my

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > husband headed her off, secured the window and sat with her until

> she had

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > calmed down, he then left to settle my two year old down as she had

> picked

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > up on the stress and was crying, he heard Grace moving around and

> found her

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > putting on her dogs harness and lead, having got herself dressed,

> she then

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > informed him that she knew where I was and was going to find me!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Having sat down with her calmly he managed to get her back into bed and

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > settled, she then cuddled my two year old to sleep and was very

> caring and

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > 0Agrown up towards her.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > We have tried all sorts of strategies and wondered what else we

> could do to

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > help the anxiety be less, I do not really want to use drugs if I can

> help

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > it!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > She is anxious if both my husband and I go out, although less so if

> I leave

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > her with my mother.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > any ideas?

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > thanks C2Tony x

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi Debi

I left Grace, well she went away from me for three weeks, the first she stayed

at home with Grandma and her great aunt and was thoroughly miserable, more to do

with being at home than with who she was with, the next week she went to my mums

and then the last to Devon on a beach holiday, it was whilst I was giving birth

to my youngest and she was having her heart mended with major surgery, she can

cope better sometimes if staying with others and I did wonder whether to send

her to my sisters on the night before the day that I would be taking her dog

away for training, I will be leaving very early in the morning and this would

avoid her having to see us both leave!

I have tried all sorts dietry wise, I cook everything from scratch and

deliberately avoid colours and flavours and other additives if at all possible,

most of our food is sourced locally and produced on organic farms and I use

whole foods where possible. I am going to take her to see the osteopath and the

homeopath before I go away with her dog, hopefully that will help a little. She

is seeing a paed about her ADHD the week or so before we go so I might have a

chat with them as to whether there is other options, that I have yet to

explore. 

thanks Tony x 

Re: Help please I need ideas,

escaping

>

>

>

>

>

> from the house!

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi

>

>

>

>

>

> My almost nine year old,20suffers from terrible separation anxiety

when I

>

>

>

>

>

> leave her, last night was the worst it has been, on my leaving she

bolted

>

>

>

>

>

> down stairs after me despite having asked me to tuck her into bed

before I

>

>

>

>

>

> left as she felt sick, she often feels sick, I think mostly it is a

stress

>

>

>

>

>

> reaction although she is sick alot! As I got to going through the

door, my

>

>

>

>

>

> husband restrained her to allow me to lock the door to keep her in

at which

>

>

>

>

>

> point she bolted upstairs and attempted to climb out of the window, this

>

>

>

>

>

> window is normally kept locked and has now been locked again. Again, my

>

>

>

>

>

> husband headed her off, secured the window and sat with her until

she had

>

>

>

>

>

> calmed down, he then left to settle my two year old down as she had

picked

>

>

>

>

>

> up on the stress and was crying, he heard Grace moving=2

0around and

found her

>

>

>

>

>

> putting on her dogs harness and lead, having got herself dressed,

she then

>

>

>

>

>

> informed him that she knew where I was and was going to find me!

>

>

>

>

>

> Having sat down with her calmly he managed to get her back into bed and

>

>

>

>

>

> settled, she then cuddled my two year old to sleep and was very

caring and

>

>

>

>

> 0Agrown up towards her.

>

>

>

>

>

> We have tried all sorts of strategies and wondered what else we

could do to

>

>

>

>

>

> help the anxiety be less, I do not really want to use drugs if I can

help

>

>

>

>

>

> it!

>

>

>

>

>

> She is anxious if both my husband and I go out, although less so if

I leave

>

>

>

>

>

> her with my mother.

>

>

>

>

>

> any ideas?

>

>

>

>

>

> thanks C2Tony x

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Cassier

it is very scarey the thought of her escaping, but when her dog is trained he

will be trained not to step over the threshold with her , she would not go

without him! He may also be trained to alert to the fact the she is leaving, I

have to talk to the trainer. I'm glad the meds are helping your son, I do

sometime wonder whether meds would help my duaghter but worry about the long

term implications

thanks 

Tony x

Re: Help please I need ideas,

> escaping

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > from the house!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hi

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > My almost nine year old,20suffers from terrible separation anxiety

> when I

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > leave her, last night was the worst it has been, on my leaving she

> bolted

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > down stairs after me despite having asked me to tuck her into bed

> before I

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > left as she felt sick, she often feels sick, I think mostly it is a

> stress

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > reaction although she is sick alot! As I got to going through the

> door, my

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > husband restrained her to allow me to lock the door to keep her in

=0

A> at which

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > point she bolted upstairs and attempted to climb out of the window, this

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > window is normally kept locked and has now been locked again. Again, my

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > husband headed her off, secured the window and sat with her until

> she had

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > calmed down, he then left to settle my two year old down as she had

> picked

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > up on the stress and was crying, he heard Grace moving around and

> found her

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > putting on her dogs harness and lead, having got herself dressed,

> she then

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > informed him that she knew where I was and was going to find me!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Having sat down with her calmly he managed to get her back into bed and

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > settled, she then cuddled my two year old to sleep and was very

> caring and

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > 0Agrown up towards her.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > We have tried all sorts of strategies and wondered what else we

> could do to

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > help the anxiety be less, I do not really want to use drugs if I can

> help

> >

> >

> >

>

>

> >

> > it!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > She is anxious if both my husband and I go out, although less so if

> I leave

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > her with my mother.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > any ideas?

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > thanks C2Tony x

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

My daughter is not yet 4 years old but I can empathize with the sleep

anxieties. Either me or my husband, usually me, has to be in the room

with her to fall asleep. She was moved from a toddler bed to a twin

size bc she wanted us in the bed with her. If we moved, she would

scream. Every night I feel like Bond trying to get out of her

room after she has fallen asleep. We use Melatonin to help her sleep

but she still needs someone to at least hold her hand. I think it is

partly a behavior for attention and partly that she thinks I am

leaving and she wont know where I am. It is hard but we have been

doing this for over 2 years now. As far as preventing escaping, if

their is a child proof anything out there, we have it. I don't know

where you are located but here we have Project Lifesaver. Check into

that for your area. Our girls are definitely a unique bunch. I am so

glad to have found this group and meet people that are dealing with

the same things I do!!!

Vada

> >

> > HI

> >

> >

> >

> > Everything with Grace is very final, if i go away or her dad, she

> says I will never see you again, like, that's it we would leave

> forever, it is very hard, she is lingual but somehow she has this

> block that we will run away form her for ever!!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Tony x

> >

> >

> > Re: Help please I need ideas,

> escaping

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > from the house!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hi

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > My almost nine year old,20suffers from terrible separation anxiety

> when I

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > leave her, last night was the worst it has been, on my leaving she

> bolted

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > down stairs after me despite having asked me to tuck her into bed

> before I

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > left as she felt sick, she often feels sick, I think mostly it is a

> stress

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > reaction although she is sick alot! As I got to going through the

> door, my

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > husband restrained her to allow me to lock the door to keep her in

> at which

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > point she bolted upstairs and attempted to climb out of the

window, this

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > window is normally kept locked and has now been locked again.

Again, my

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > husband headed her off, secured the window and sat with her until

> she had

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > calmed down, he then left to settle my two year old down as she had

> picked

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > up on the stress and was crying, he heard Grace moving around and

> found her

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > putting on her dogs harness and lead, having got herself dressed,

> she then

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > informed him that she knew where I was and was going to find me!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Having sat down with her calmly he managed to get her back into

bed and

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > settled, she then cuddled my two year old to sleep and was very

> caring and

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > 0Agrown up towards her.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > We have tried all sorts of strategies and wondered what else we

> could do to

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > help the anxiety be less, I do not really want to use drugs if I can

> help

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > it!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > She is anxious if both my husband and I go out, although less so if

> I leave

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > her with my mother.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > any ideas?

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > thanks C2Tony x

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

You may have already tried these:

 

Giving her something of yours that is special to her.

Letting her wear a sweater, scarf, or other article of clothing that smells like

you.

Giving her a picture that she can always look at.

Sending her a special email that she can wait for on the computer, or a text

message, or a special phone call...one that is planned that she can wait for.

The idea is to give her some thing to look forward to.

Taking something with you of her choosing that you return promptly upon coming

home.

 

Just a few ideas....

 

http://speakup.tody.com

Subject: Re: Help please I need ideas, escaping from

the house!

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

Date: Saturday, February 21, 2009, 2:29 PM

Hi

Grace is a lovely placid girl most of the time, her anxieties started at birth,

she was in special care but only for  a few days after she was born as she was

seven weeks early. 

Most people are shocked when they hear that Grace is asd, in fact the lady that

gave me a lift to the dinner party last night is a school teacher friend and

said that she had always thought that Grace's diagnosis was incorrect until she

saw her tonight! but those that really know her, like my family know that she is

asd, her school has said that she seems to be becoming more autistic as she gets

older, I don't think she is although her behaviour is more and more challenging

but I think the gap between that and her peers is growing. Grace has never coped

with being left, she hated nursery and would not go to parties if it meant that

I had to leave her, she will occassionally go to a friends house for tea but

often comes home early as she cannot cope with the difference from one house to

another. If she is taken to school by someone like another mother she has less

issues being left, she has walked out of school twice and they have 'lost' her a

few times

within the confines of the school only to find her minutes later. 

If she becomes distressed at home she hides, she is in the process of having and

assistance dog trained for her at the moment and is doing her training in April.

What we have tried is: 

I have tried going out just fo

r minutes before returning and building up slowly we got to about two hours,

which she was ok with but still did not like it, I have tried sitting her down

and explaining that she goes out and does things that she enjoys and this is

just my turn as such, we have tried a 'good' behaviour chart earning her pebbles

and rocks, she has a thing about pebbles stones and rocks and to her they are

high value!  I have once not told her anything and just dropped it on her

seconds before leaving, she coped pretty well this this, If I let her know far

ahead the anxiety builds and builds to the point she is begging me not to go and

it makes her feel physically sick, my husband thinks she is making this up so

that I do not go, but I still go and she has always been a child that is sick

pretty easily, my other daughter has only been sick twice in her life, however

Grace even as a baby often ended up having baths in the middle of the night as

she had thrown up all over

herself, she regularly sleeps with a towel on her bed and cuddles her potty to

sleep, which is of great comfort to her.

In two weeks time I have to go away for 12 hours plus, I will be taking her dog

up to the training centre to complete his autism assistance training and i am

very worried as how she will cope in my absence, my husband will be staying with

her as will my 2.5 year old. I am hoping that her dog will be leaving her a

present but have yet to work out what it will b

e, which will distract her during my leaving or help to calm her down once I

have gone! 

She is due to have a formal assessment for adhd in about ten days although i

think this is just a formality as she scored very high on the questionnaire.

Any ideas would be appreciated

Tony x

Re: [Autism_in_Girls_ and_Women] Help please I need ideas, escaping

from the house!

Hi

My almost nine year old,20suffers from terrible separation anxiety when I

leave her, last night was the worst it has been, on my leaving she bolted

down stairs after me despite having asked me to tuck her into bed before I

left as she felt sick, she often feels sick, I think mostly it is a stress

reaction although she is sick alot! As I got to going through the door, my

husband restrained her to allow me to lock the door to keep her in at which

point she bolted upstairs and attempted to climb out of the window, this

window is normally kept locked and has now been locked again. Again, my

husband headed her off, secured the window and sat with her until she had

calmed down, he then left to settle my two year old down as she had picked

up on the stress and was crying, he heard Grace moving around and found her

putting on her dogs harness and lead, having got herself dressed, she then

informed him that she knew where I was and was going to find me!

Having sat down with her calmly he managed to get her back into bed and

settled, she then cuddled my two year old to sleep and was very caring and

grown up towards her.

We have tried all sorts of strategies and wondered what else we could do to

help the anxiety be less, I do not really want to use drugs if I can help

it!

She is anxious if both my husband and I go out, although less so if I leave

her with my mother.

any ideas?

thanks C2Tony x

[Guest guest]

You may have already tried these:

 

Giving her something of yours that is special to her.

Letting her wear a sweater, scarf, or other article of clothing that smells like

you.

Giving her a picture that she can always look at.

Sending her a special email that she can wait for on the computer, or a text

message, or a special phone call...one that is planned that she can wait for.

The idea is to give her some thing to look forward to.

Taking something with you of her choosing that you return promptly upon coming

home.

 

Just a few ideas....

 

http://speakup.tody.com

Subject: Re: Help please I need ideas, escaping from

the house!

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

Date: Saturday, February 21, 2009, 2:29 PM

Hi

Grace is a lovely placid girl most of the time, her anxieties started at birth,

she was in special care but only for  a few days after she was born as she was

seven weeks early. 

Most people are shocked when they hear that Grace is asd, in fact the lady that

gave me a lift to the dinner party last night is a school teacher friend and

said that she had always thought that Grace's diagnosis was incorrect until she

saw her tonight! but those that really know her, like my family know that she is

asd, her school has said that she seems to be becoming more autistic as she gets

older, I don't think she is although her behaviour is more and more challenging

but I think the gap between that and her peers is growing. Grace has never coped

with being left, she hated nursery and would not go to parties if it meant that

I had to leave her, she will occassionally go to a friends house for tea but

often comes home early as she cannot cope with the difference from one house to

another. If she is taken to school by someone like another mother she has less

issues being left, she has walked out of school twice and they have 'lost' her a

few times

within the confines of the school only to find her minutes later. 

If she becomes distressed at home she hides, she is in the process of having and

assistance dog trained for her at the moment and is doing her training in April.

What we have tried is: 

I have tried going out just fo

r minutes before returning and building up slowly we got to about two hours,

which she was ok with but still did not like it, I have tried sitting her down

and explaining that she goes out and does things that she enjoys and this is

just my turn as such, we have tried a 'good' behaviour chart earning her pebbles

and rocks, she has a thing about pebbles stones and rocks and to her they are

high value!  I have once not told her anything and just dropped it on her

seconds before leaving, she coped pretty well this this, If I let her know far

ahead the anxiety builds and builds to the point she is begging me not to go and

it makes her feel physically sick, my husband thinks she is making this up so

that I do not go, but I still go and she has always been a child that is sick

pretty easily, my other daughter has only been sick twice in her life, however

Grace even as a baby often ended up having baths in the middle of the night as

she had thrown up all over

herself, she regularly sleeps with a towel on her bed and cuddles her potty to

sleep, which is of great comfort to her.

In two weeks time I have to go away for 12 hours plus, I will be taking her dog

up to the training centre to complete his autism assistance training and i am

very worried as how she will cope in my absence, my husband will be staying with

her as will my 2.5 year old. I am hoping that her dog will be leaving her a

present but have yet to work out what it will b

e, which will distract her during my leaving or help to calm her down once I

have gone! 

She is due to have a formal assessment for adhd in about ten days although i

think this is just a formality as she scored very high on the questionnaire.

Any ideas would be appreciated

Tony x

Re: [Autism_in_Girls_ and_Women] Help please I need ideas, escaping

from the house!

Hi

My almost nine year old,20suffers from terrible separation anxiety when I

leave her, last night was the worst it has been, on my leaving she bolted

down stairs after me despite having asked me to tuck her into bed before I

left as she felt sick, she often feels sick, I think mostly it is a stress

reaction although she is sick alot! As I got to going through the door, my

husband restrained her to allow me to lock the door to keep her in at which

point she bolted upstairs and attempted to climb out of the window, this

window is normally kept locked and has now been locked again. Again, my

husband headed her off, secured the window and sat with her until she had

calmed down, he then left to settle my two year old down as she had picked

up on the stress and was crying, he heard Grace moving around and found her

putting on her dogs harness and lead, having got herself dressed, she then

informed him that she knew where I was and was going to find me!

Having sat down with her calmly he managed to get her back into bed and

settled, she then cuddled my two year old to sleep and was very caring and

grown up towards her.

We have tried all sorts of strategies and wondered what else we could do to

help the anxiety be less, I do not really want to use drugs if I can help

it!

She is anxious if both my husband and I go out, although less so if I leave

her with my mother.

any ideas?

thanks C2Tony x

[Guest guest]

Another idea is a countdown sheet, thermometer or something that she can

cross off. Put a timer on for an hour & every time it goes off, she can

cross an hour off. It'll be a visual for when you'll be back. I'd put in

an extra hour so you have leeway in case you get stuck in traffic or delayed

for whatever reason.

I always told my daughter that I'll be back. I'll be gone for " x amt of

days " & I always remind her that I can go away but I WILL COME BACK. How is

your daughter with social stories? Write different variations of " I will

come back " & other instances of people going away but they come back. Kim

is comforted by knowing when I leave & when I come back, so she LIKES

knowing ahead of time. Priming is important for Kim to know my & her

schedule. Our kids are different in what they need to decrease their

anxiety.

Marie

>

>

> Hi

>

>

>

> My almost nine year old, suffers from terrible separation anxiety when I

> leave her, last night was the worst it has been, on my leaving she bolted

> down stairs after me despite having asked me to tuck her into bed before I

> left as she felt sick, she often feels sick, I think mostly it is a stress

> reaction although she is sick alot! As I got to going through the door, my

> husband restrained her to allow me to lock the door to keep her in at which

> point she bolted upstairs and attempted to climb out of the window, this

> window is normally kept locked and has now been locked again. Again, my

> husband headed her off, secured the window and sat with her until she had

> calmed down, he then left to settle my two year old down as she had picked

> up on the stress and was crying, he heard Grace moving around and found her

> putting on her dogs harness and lead, having got herself dressed, she then

> informed him that she knew where I was and was going to find me!

>

> Having sat down with her calmly he managed to get her back into bed and

> settled, she then cuddled my two year old to sleep and was very caring and

> grown up towards her.

>

>

>

>

> We have tried all sorts of strategies and wondered what else we could do to

> help the anxiety be less, I do not really want to use drugs if I can help

> it!

>

>

>

>

> She is anxious if both my husband and I go out, although less so if I leave

> her with my mother.

>

>

>

>

> any ideas?

>

>

>

>

> thanks C2Tony x

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>