Re: Re: My long horrible day.../ KD OT

[Guest guest]

Hi KD,

I had to respond to this. My name is Jan, but when my

husband has a confusing day and I am more firm with

him for his safety, he calls me Jane. Jane is the

other woman and she is not so friendly. He will tell

me about Jane and how tough she was with him. I don't

know how he came up with the name Jane, but Jan is the

good person that cares for him and Jane is the tougher

one that cares for him.

--- kdorsey920 wrote:

> Coyote, your long horrible day sounds mine recently,

> although mine

> wasn't quite as bad.

>

> Like you, I am the 'magic bullet' when it comes to

> my dad. When he's

> being unreasonable and nasty to everyone, I can

> almost always talk

> him through it until he's...um...normal doesn't seem

> the right word

> here. Less un-normal?

>

> Anyhow, a couple of days ago was the first time that

> he had one of

> these 'spells' and for a time, wouldn't have

> anything to do with me.

> He had left his apartment (nothing his wife could do

> about it) and i

> caught up with him on the street. He just kept

> turning away from me,

> telling me to just go home. Of course I wouldn't,

> just persisted, and

> eventually it passed and he went back to the house

> with me.

>

> Yesterday he called me and was all in a fuddle

> because his wife

> (referring to my mom) had left with the children and

> didn't tell him

> anything about it, no warning. He's been divorced

> from my mom for 15

> years, and the 'children' are in their 30s. Then it

> was about his

> current wife, but the Jane in the house wasn't her,

> he was looking

> for the other Jane. Again, he wasn't listening to me

> but I finally

> got through and he went to bed. This morning, it's

> more drama, his

> wife is having such a rough time.

>

> I hope that the this trend of my not being able to

> help is not

> something that's going to continue. I think it may

> be related to an

> increase in medication that he hasn't yet adjusted

> to. I don't know.

> *sigh* Between this and other life issues, I just

> feel drained.

>

> This disease just sucks doesn't it?

>

> Hang in there...

>

> KD

>

>

> > Today my Mom was going to meet a friend for

> coffee, so I decided to

> > take Model and go visit my Dad. When I got there I

> thought I saw

> him

> > in his usual spot in front of the window at the

> end of the hall,

> but

> > as I got closer I thought " OH, thats not him " . I

> had to get right

> up

> > in his face to know it was him!!!!!! He looked 100

> years old, was

> > white as a ghost, and did not recognize me...he

> got up and walked

> > right past me. Then he went back and sat, but when

> I tried to talk

> > to him it was like he was in a coma with his eyes

> open. I ran (with

> > my dog) to get a nurse and was like " whats wrong

> with my dad??? "

> > They said he hadnt been feeling well today. He

> told them his

> stomach

> > hurt. He hadnt been walking at all (unusual for

> him)...but he

> > wouldnt lay down. I must have looked really

> freaked out because

> they

> > told me his doctor was coming to see him tomorrow,

> then they

> > said " we'll call him again " and asked if he had to

> go to the

> > hospital would I take him? I agreed, an ambulance

> would freak him

> > out. Next thing I knew I had his health card and

> was off to the

> > hospital. Tests, tests, bloodtests, xrays, pee

> tests...what a

> > nightmare. He had a fever. I was freaking out

> because I couldnt get

> > ahold of my husband (busy signal..internet), my

> daughter needed to

> > be picked up from cheerleading practice, my Mom

> still wasnt home,

> > and I had this poor dog waiting in a warm car

> (windows down a bit).

> > My Dad was very nasty, yelling at nurses to get

> away from him, and

> > when I had to take him for a chest xray he yelled

> at me that I

> didnt

> > know what the hell I was talking

> about....ugh....first time he's

> > ever done that (at least since being sick!). He

> was totally irate,

> > and I can always be the one to calm him down..and

> I couldnt.... He

> > just did not want to be touched or helped or

> anything. And he kept

> > trying to rip out the intravenous thing (which is

> why he yelled at

> > me, cuz I told him it would hurt if he pulled on

> it.) He finally

> did

> > yank it out but I had ahold of his arm so the

> needle part didnt

> come

> > out, just the tube to the bag.

> > Finally I got through to my husband who told me my

> daughter was

> > waiting for me in front of the highschool (thank

> god its a small

> > town..I just walked out the front door and yelled

> " hey Moira! " and

> > she came from across the street.) Got Moira to

> walk the dog around

> > the hospital a couple of times...finally my Mom

> came.....

> >

> > Anyway..something strange showed up on his chest

> xray, but the dr

> > didnt know if its anything to worry about, or if

> he moved during

> the

> > xray. He tested borderline as a urinary infection,

> so I took him

> > back to the NH (doctor didnt feel that the

> hospital was a safe

> > environment for him) with some kind of med

> (antibiotic) plus a

> cream

> > for this rash that is all down his neck, chest and

> back. it was

> > pitch black out by the time we left. 10 pm....I

> had been there

> since

> > 2:30 or 3 pm.

> >

> > I still have no idea what to make of all this. I

> am so exhausted.

> > Just feel like bawling my eyes out. This is the

> worst I have ever

> > seen my Dad.

> >

> > Coyote

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Kelli

Have a good cry, it does help. Know you are not the only one who cries

because of this damned disease. My Mom is like your Dad, she thinks she has a

lot

to do and I'm keeping her from doing it. I let her try then she gets

depressed because she can't do what she wants.

Right now she is on the downward slide and we can't seem to stop it. She

keeps her eyes closed most of the time, is sleeping more and eating a lot less.

So you see I have been doing a little crying myself.

Hope your Dad does better today for you,

Jacqui

[Guest guest]

Gals:

I agree. A good cry helps. Mine seem to come in spells.

sits with his eyes closed but will communicate if ask a question.

Might try asking a question to see if they are really asleep. He also has

all these things he needs to do but never does them. I just tell him to go

do them and he goes and sits down.

in Texas

Re: Re: My long horrible day.../ KD OT

> Kelli

> Have a good cry, it does help. Know you are not the only one who cries

> because of this damned disease. My Mom is like your Dad, she thinks she

has a lot

> to do and I'm keeping her from doing it. I let her try then she gets

> depressed because she can't do what she wants.

>

> Right now she is on the downward slide and we can't seem to stop it. She

> keeps her eyes closed most of the time, is sleeping more and eating a lot

less.

> So you see I have been doing a little crying myself.

>

> Hope your Dad does better today for you,

> Jacqui

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

At 09:28 AM 9/26/2004, you wrote:

> sits with his eyes closed but will communicate if ask a question.

>Might try asking a question to see if they are really asleep. He also has

>all these things he needs to do but never does them. I just tell him to go

>do them and he goes and sits down.

My mother does both those things. Part of it is that she has

extensive diabetic retinopathy and a cataract in one eye, but under the

circumstances (the retinopathy and the fact that even her vision seems to

fluctuate with her cognition) I'm not going to put her through another

cataract operation.

For a long time, when I thought this was simply the ordinary

forgetfulness of old age, and then Alzheimer's, I tried to keep her

anchored to reality by correcting her when she was wrong and making her

think about what she was doing. She constantly asks us to do things for

her and I always try to push it back onto her and say " No, you have to make

the attempt before anyone will be willing to help you. " Now I honestly

wonder if there's any point. Perhaps, when she says she's going to do the

dishes for me, I should just say, " Okay, thanks. " My only fear is that if

I leave the room, she really is going to try to get up and do the dishes.

My biggest problem is, well it's twofold. I don't have the time

to sit with her 24/7 to make sure she doesn't do anything dangerous, and I

don't like her company. When she's manic, she won't shut up about what

she's going to do, what she wants, what her life has been like, get this

for me, get that for me, I need you to... And when she's not, she still

won't shut up, but then it's her asking, every few seconds, " Am I all

right? " " What am I to do? " " Where are they sending me? " Over and over.

It's almost impossible to deal with. I don't know how my father

does it, but then he's had over 70 years of practice in tuning her out. LOL

dargie