Re: Re: My Son Is Sensitive To Hearing Certain Topics

June 11, 2011

Hey ,

I appreciate your concern, but u are assuming a lot here that I didn't say or do. First of all in what his teacher had him read, it said the slave's owner DID NOT beat him. That is when added that means other slaves were beaten, which is true, but it came out of nowhere. His emotional state was so bad, that I had to calm down the situation.

My oldest son explained to him that slavery does still happen, but he doesn't need to fear because there are people trying to help get those people out of slavery. I am honest with my son, but I DO have to be careful with how I phrase things. He is 12 years old, but emotionally is only 5 years old. So do u tell a five year old ALL about violence in the world? What kind of parent would I be if I shared every detail of violence to a five year old? As a parent, that is NOT the right thing to do. So u have to find ways to phrase it differently, so that he does understand, but doesn't get scared or terrified to leave our house.

is very empathetic, I have known that for a long time. He has told me he actually 'feels others emotions' sometimes, which when he hears things or sees things, he said it is emotionally hard for him to handle, because he can 'feel the emotion', and honestly I am the same way, but not as much as my son. We have to constantly watch what we say or do around him, so that he isn't stressed out.

My son has been regressing since about December (which I found out happens quite often during puberty), his sensory issues have gotten so bad that most of the time he will not let us hug him when he is upset, he has to calm himself down. But he will give us air hugs, and we give them a lot! We are working with his online charter school to get him tested for Occupational Therapy, which he desperately needs because of his sensory issues. Because of this regression, I pulled him out of school to homeschool him thru an online charter school. The school has give him a GREAT Psychologist who is working with him, trying to help him cope with things like the slavery issue.

What I mean by blowing it out of proportion is that he will add things that did not happen, or just assume they happened. For example, he is terrified of germs, because of a movie about germs that a teacher showed the class two years ago. It was a cartoon and very visual showing the germs as cartoons, and exaggerated a lot of things. is very 'visual', so now freaks out if people touch him or his things.

He 'visualizes' the germs crawling all over him and his stuff. And thinks that ALL germs take years and years to die, etc. When he was in public school, one kid (a bully) told him that germs are all over your hair, and shampoo will not kill them. So came home crying, and wanted to shave his head! It took me DAYS to get him to calm down, and FINALLY believe me when I told him that shampoo washes the germs away.

His Psychologist has told him about the truth about germs, because 'assumes' many things about them that are not true. He thinks 'ALL germs' kill people, which is not true. The Psychologist has told him that there are good germs and bad germs, but even most bad germs will not kill u, but still my son will not believe him. So how would u handle this situation if u were me? I am just curious.

No matter what u are assuming about me, I am not looking for a cure for my son, I am focusing on helping him cope with life, and live the best life he can live! I am focusing on teaching him life skills, so he can live as independantly as possible when he becomes and adult. I actually posted something about this yesterday and today on my FB page, because one of my FB friends and their friends were going all off on how they are angry about their child's autism, because they believe autism is man-made, etc. It bothered me that they were focusing more on their anger then finding ways to help their child be the best he or she can be!

If it weren't for my son's Autism, I wouldn't have learned so much about unconditional love and forgiveness towards others, my son has taught me a lot about that! I love my son the way he is, despite all his fears, his disabilities, etc. I ACCEPT him for who he is, I just want to help him stop feeling so much anxiety towards things. My son also has Tourette's Syndrome, and when he is upset, his tics get really bad and give him really bad headaches, so I have to try to keep his stress to a minimum because of his health issues.

Jenn

Dear Jenn,I hope you can re-read that post with care and concern and all the insight you can muster. Slavery still does occur. The truth cannot harm anyone. No-one. What dignity is there in being denied the truth? Do you think perhaps your son may have been bullied? Have you heard that people with autism have no empathy? Does it strike you as odd that he was aghast at hearing that SOME slaves are beaten - by the mere fact some are NOT? I have put your post and a reply to it up for discussion at http://www.facebook.com/note.php?created & & note_id=218637238168434 so that others can comment over time. It is a classic case of what NOT to do to your son. If you ever were querulous about why so many angry advocates for autism are out there " working against " parents best practices... stop and take a look now and see it like maybe no one else today may get to see it.

1. My son does not like to hear...someone getting hurt. Have you tried hugging him for that outrageous normality? The flowing empathy. The spirit that enriches us all in a way violence undoes?2. As for blowing things out of proportion, perhaps the case is we are so deadened to sickening violence that he compensates for our lack of horror? Maybe, eh.

3. They still beat and kill slaves. They do. Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-Slavery_International and see for yourself. Literally millions of them. Blood diamond slaves. Namib desert slaves. South Sudanese Christian slaves by the 10's of thousands. coralled into working gold fields. Emerald jewel diggers. Child slaves. Forced labour. It is not wise to tell anyone a lie to insulate them. Why not begin a project with them to end slavery instead?

4. It is not a phase or a stage. Suffering violence is a life long condition. You know that. So why get disconcerted with the one who acutely feels that violence and NOT the ones who are violent who caused this innocence to be harmed in any way. Not a hair on head should be so harmed. Violence should not be eliminated for the sake of us guilty ones, but for him surely.

5. If violence is in the news - don't tell him it won't happen to him - he is among the most vulnerable to it! Tell him how to defend himself, how to help bring violence to an end, something constructive, but not a lie to fuel the violence.

6. We have a right to be a part of this world and NOT ignore the news - no matter what it portrays. We have a right to reality. To the dignity of being at risk, and to the ineffable dignity of protecting ourselves from violence without the false shield of untruth.

I am not getting at you personally, I am pleading with everyone to think before they speak hurtfulness and wrongness. I see posts above and below yours that call us abnormal and sick and in need of termination (though they use code words like " genetic identification " to mask what they mean... what else were they gonna do with the genetic information? Get it framed? Build an Autists Cradle in advance? Send the parents off for grief counselling immediately after conception? Save up extra for velcro-closure shoes? But did they think before they welcomed genetic advances??? We are 70 million strong us ASD people. We DO NOT want to be the last of our kind. Period.)

Thank you for tolerating me having my say also,Asperger's Syndrome New Zealandinfo@...www.asnz.exofire.net

Facebook = Asperger's Syndrome New Zealand[i am a son of an Aspie, an Aspie, father of an Aspie. I am NZ Government Lived Experience Representative on theMinistry of Health ASD Expert Advisory Group and 11 other bodies. I work 10 hours a day to challenge the huge number of assumptions others make about autism everyday.]

>> *I am just wondering if any of your kids blow things out of proportion when

> they hear certain topics? My son does not like to hear anything that has to> do with someone getting hurt, the military, policemen, wars, or slavery,> etc. Even if he is learning about it in school. Whenever he does, he will

> add things to it (that are not true, he is just assuming it's true), and> completely blow it out or proportion and get upset. *> *> > For example, he is doing summer school with his Special Ed teacher (thru his

> online charter school). Today they were reading about slavery, and then when> heard about that someone's owner did not beat them, he lost it! He> said, " U mean they beat them up, and kill them?!?! " He totally melted down,

> and refused to read anymore. I sent his teacher a message, saying he was> upset about it, and she stopped the reading.> > I am just wondering if this is common for our kids to think this way? And if

> so, is there anyway to help them think through it differently? It seems to> be getting worse as he gets older.> > Thanks!> Jenn*>

June 11, 2011

Also, I read your page where u posted what I wrote, and it looks like others are blowing what I said out of proportion, so I would really appreciate if you would tell them that they are assuming things that are not true.

Thanks!Jenn