Self-Esteem

[Guest guest]

Dear ers,

I want to ask a few questions. Based on your life's experiences AND

your journey with CMT (however long or short that is) where does your

good sense of Self-Esteem come from? Is a healthy Self-Esteem important

to you? Why? What specific activities, actions, lifestyles, programs,

etc. do you use or have you used to develop a healthy positive Self-

Esteem?

~ Gretchen

[Guest guest]

i really liked your answer about self esteem. what a great

attitude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanmks for sharing!! cathleen in arkansas

[Guest guest]

Hi Gretchen,

What an interesting question. I have never really thought about why I have

a strong and positive sense of self - probably upbringing by parents whose

motto was " nothing good comes easy " , growing up in the tropics which is a

natural environment, having some hobbies, and of course great friends and

family around for support no matter what the problem is.

I was thinking of writing as well as someone asked how we manage and cope

with CMT. As my diagnosis is fairly new, and perhaps my symptoms not so

pronounced, I look at this as more a question of how do I manage and cope

with myself. For some reason I do not see CMT as any different from me. I

have this condition, did not know I had it for a long time, and started the

process of figuring out how to best manage myself and feel good about myself

long before I had CMT.

I just have a kind of outlook that means I look at the small things and find

goodness - this goes for myself and what I do as well as the people and

things around me. By no means am I perfect - I have a mean temper

sometimes, I can drink too much and regret it the next day, I can go through

patches of slacking off the gym and eating regime (like now during the house

works). But in the back of my mind I still try to find some me time to

focus on the nice things in my life.

This helps me. What about everyone else?

All the best from grey London where the heat has finally broken, and our

usual summer has returned.

Donna

==============================

17 Elder Street

London E1 6BT

United Kingdom

[Guest guest]

Jeanine,

From a behavioral point of view. (working only off of what you have said in your

email).

Your child has begun to use a specific behavior. " talking about the other kids

not liking him. "

Because of potential negative consequences you would like to address this

behavior so that it will reduce.

To find out how to reduce the behavior, you need to find out what is increasing

its use.

It sounds like you have explored whether this behavior is coming from a general

outside influence (the kids actually being mean or not liking him) and have

determined that this is likely not the case. So now you need to find out what

benefit the behavior " talking about the other kids not liking him " is offering

your child. If there is not a likely external

reason for your child to be carrying these feelings you need to

determine if the behavior is resulting in some other benefit. There must be some

benefit because it is continuing. Without any benefit, the behavior would cease

all on its own.

To find out what is supporting the use of the behavior you need to look at what

is happening just before and just after the behavior from your child's

perspective.

Before

Is your child more likely to talk about this when you are trying to get him to

participate in something or talk about something he wants to avoid or escape?

Is he more likely to talk about this when he might want some attention from you,

the teachers, or the other kids and you might be busy with other things or the

other kids are dominating the conversation or activity?

After - What normally happens after this behavior occurs?

Do you stop asking him to participate or talk about something he wants to avoid

or escape and discuss with him his classmates and feelings?

Do you, the teachers, or other kids, stop your other activities and offer him

attention and comfort?

If you are able to generally answer " yes " to any of the four questions above,

there is a very good chance that your chid is using this behavior based not on

the actuality of his feelings about the other kids but more because of the

positive effect this behavior has on his immediate environment wether offering

him attention, comfort and/or escape from unpreferred activities.

If this is the case the principle you want to apply is called extinction. Any

behavior that has developed a history of being rienforced can be reduced by not

allowing the reinforcement to continue to follow the behavior.

In other words, if you determine that your child is talking about the other kids

not liking him when you are trying to get him to do other work, you should not

allow the behavior to be successful in stopping your request and to not respond

to it until the work is done. Then when the work is done and a fun behavior

begins you can ask if your child still wants to talk about it.

Also, if you determine that your child is gaining comfort and attention from

using the behavior, you need to inform him that he is mistaken and that he is

well liked by the other kids and that you will not be talking to him about this

anymore. When he tries to bring it up to gain your attention or control over

the conversation, you can quickly say, " You know I will not talk about that with

you " and if he persists, leave the interation behind leaving him to find other

more appropriate ways to gain attention and comfort from others.

By no longer allowing the reinforcement to follow the behavior you will see an

immediate rise in the behaivor (extinction burst) and then a gradual decline in

the behavior. The more consistent you are the faster the behavior will

decrease.

If the behavior is not decreasing after a reasonable amount of time, you need to

look for other possible reinforcement that could be supporting this behavior and

try a different tact.

This is the basis of ABA and how it can be applied in a situation such as this.

However, for any behavior that is severe in nature or that you are unable to

find an aswer to on your own, finding profesional help is strongly recommended.

Let me know where you are and perhaps I can recommend someone.

Schramm, MA, BCBA

www.lulu.com/knospe-aba

( ) Self-esteem

Hi,

My son is 3.5 yrs old. All of the sudden, he has started saying that

" nobody likes him " . He will specifically name kids at school, and

then say they dont like him. He will also say that he doesnt like

specific kids and he will say that they are not his friends. He is in

an inclusion class, and his teacher says the other kids love him. We

have playdates with a few of the kids, and all seems fine a lot of the

time. I am not sure if this is a phase or something that warrants

more concern. I feel as though he might be saying this for lack of a

better way to express himself. It is causing some problems though

because he has said this to some kids in a playgroup that we

participate in that has " typical " kids, and they have become very

upset. I am worried that if this continues, he may lose a few of his

little pals bc some of them are starting to develop a deeper

understanding of what these comments mean.

As always....thanks. ...

Jeanine

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