Jen's reply to Jen's update

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I don't think I was doing too much. Lately all I was doing was BIU but when I have to work more hours and barely have time to eat or sleep then I stopped exercising, my fault I know. But to say that I continually over-do it then do nothing isn't correct. I haven't been sitting home doing nothing. I've continued to play volleyball 3 nights a week and bowl 1 or 2 nights a week, that all adds up. Despite being over-weight/obese, I'm NOT a "couch potatoe," my words not yours. I'm sorry that I felt sorry for myself and won't discuss it here any more. See ya when I start doing videos/dvds again,

Jen nancydewolf wrote: Wow! Awesome advice Stacey. As usual, I have to add on though... Jen, I am so sorry you had to go through this. I know it was awful and that you've had to mourn your changed body and your health vulnerability too. You might do that for a long time off and on too. However, at some point you have to make a choice between feeling

sorry for yourself, totally hopeless and out of control or picking yourself up and making the best of the circumstances you have. You are BLESSED that you were able to have the surgery instead of something worse happening and especially BLESSED that the fibroids weren't actually cancer. I know you "know" this, the challenge is acting like you do on a consistent basis (though you're still allowed isolated moments of self-pity). If you choose to quit feeling sorry for yourself you will also need to make a REASONABLE plan for changing your life. Don't expect the weight to just drop because it won't. You KNOW it will take time. Let it. You KNOW not to go crazy with the exercise because you'll burn out (sounds like you did though). Take babysteps and let them build. You know all this but you need to actually live it (including the frustrations with temporary setbacks and the happiness with more lasting victories). Another bit of (possibly harsh seeming, but it truly isn't meant that way) reality for you coming from someone who has been in the same dumps... the fibroids didn't make you overweight. You were before and you are after. They sure as heck didn't help but they aren't the cause and demonizing them doesn't solve your problem. I was overweight before and after breast cancer. I gained more because of my attitude after the diagnosis and dealing with all the emotional aspects of a mastectomy. I could have stopped there and just continued to blame the cancer (and no doubt, gain more weight) but I chose not to because that was a MISERABLE way to live. (Been there, done that, ate the crap to make myself feel better then felt worse anyway and tried to blame the cancer again!) My body is permanently changed because of the cancer,

just like yours is because of your fibroids. Some of it I will never be able to do anything about that will make me truly comfortable. I HATE the tingly numbness I have from nerve endings that were cut and will never heal and the rubbery feeling of my implant that neither looks nor moves truly naturally (to me anyway). It is still, for me, better than no implant. I have, most of the time, accepted that I can't have what I want (my original body parts all in place) and while I sometimes still struggle to accept what I do have I especially try to have an "attitude of gratitude" instead and am usually thankful for it because it does make me feel more "whole" and "normal" than I would without it. I didn't decide to have breast cancer but I did decide not to suffer because of it for the rest of my life. I also decided to work hard at improving other parts of my body that bugged me that I did have control over so that I can especially improve my

body image (and in the 15 months I've been exercising consistently I have done that, hugely). Even better, I'm hugely improving my health too and I am experiencing what it feels like to be in control of my body, my emotions and my destiny again. You CAN do that too. YOU have to TRULY decide to do it though and then stick with that decision no matter how difficult it is sometimes. No amount of butt kicking or sympathizing from us is going to change ANYTHING until YOU make the changes yourself. You know that mentally, I know that. You'll tell me that too. But you're not translating it *consistently* into action. You are consistently working extremely hard then stopping possibly because you can't sustain that level of intensity. You're not a failure for not being able to you know, NONE of us can keep up that level of intensity for long. Then you give up for a while and start feeling sorry for yourself again then you kick your own

butt and go at it full force again and on it goes. You need to quit being on that wheel. You need to quit doing that to yourself. You deserve better. I was on that crappy wheel too for most of my life I think. It is not a fun way to live. You deserve better. We're all here for you, cheering for you and hugging you too. We all want you to succeed. We're holding the rope and we'll pull, just keep putting your feet into the toe holds in the rock too. I hope in some way this helps and in no ways harms. I have been in a similar place and I know it is not a good one. Please know, you are in my prayers and have been. I hope you can find the resources to make the changes you need to find the lasting peace you seek. Many hugs, Re: Jen's update jen,you can do it. just like most things in life it will take time. your committment to fitness and an active lifestyle is not just until you lose the weight or are fit enough--it is for life. try to pick up where you left off and make the necessary adjustments. if you are feeling sad--the exercise will help

you feel happier--it has helped me--i was experiencing the baby blues only a few months ago.stacey >> Well for a while there I had a horrible sweet tooth that just killed my weight loss progress AND I haven't been exercising very much at all. I've only been playing volleyball and bowling which isn't enough!> > Now though my sweet tooth is gone...now I just have to force myself to start doing exercise videos and walking on my treadmill again.> > I think a lot of it, is that it just seems so hard like a MOUNTAIN to climb. And what bothers me the most is that these stupid HUGE fibroids I had total wrecked my body! My stomach was NEVER that big before and I think it was because they were so big that when they operated my

stomach didn't go back to normal....same idea as being pregnant. BUT I don't have a kid to show for this ordeal and I'm just feeling depressed and sorry for myself....I would have had this weight off 3/4 years ago if the fibroids didn't grow. NOW I not only have weight to lose but also my HUGE stretched out stomach! > > Depressed,> > Jen>