Re: Re: bugs & needed prayers

[Guest guest]

Thank you both Sondra and Sandria!

 

I really really appreciate the prayers. They are always so very welcome in my

life. And I agree Sondra that God definately has things in his plans, I just

have the hardest time understanding those plans and trusting him, when things

get so hard.

 

I too, understand being a single mom at times and yet not really being. Because

while my husband desperately wants to be supportive and financially take care of

us, he is just too sick and unable and gets even worse when our stress gets up

like this. And usually, since I am the one, as bad as my health is, who is still

healthier, than I get to be the one, taking on most of the responsability. But

he definately does what he can, don't get me wrong. I admire how much he can put

up with. I wouldn't want to trade him places. I observe the health struggles he

faces and that is enough for me.

 

Thank you again for being my true friends, the kind there for me, when times are

tough!!! and don't worry, I have never had a shopping friend or someone to go do

fun stuff with either, never! and actually don't really want one either, so I

don't think you are weird. I went with a girl who invited me shopping once in

California, she was a member of my church and I thought she felt sorry for me at

first.

 

I tried to have fun, but it wasn't fun at all. She never shut up about the

stupidist things and she bought like 10 belts for herself as " accessories " and

all kinds of purses and things that she just saw and said, " oh look this is

cool! I want to show it to my husband " or " I'll get it for my baby " . We spent

the whole day going in and out of stores, walking amongst crowds of people,

waiting in lines to buy things or return things she didn't want anymore. 

 

It was hot and boring and she never even asked me a question, she just talked

about her poodle and her 15 month old son and her husband and the guys she

thinks are " hot " and which shoes she liked best and what kind of hair she liked

and it was so boring. I slept soundly that night. I normally have to unwind, but

I was talked out, just from listening to her talk.

 

I only went with her to one other thing. We lived in apartments near one another

in the same apartment community, and she asked if I wanted to take Chantelle and

swimming with her and her baby son. I thought that that would be better

than shopping. So I went and she just ignored me and pretended she wasn't with

me whenever people came to the pool and she flirted with every guy there in her

little bikini and just wanted to tan and flirt.

 

I was tired trying to take care of my girls and her son all in the water and all

unable to swim yet, while I was pregnant... and what finally ruined it for me,

was when my husband walked in to say hi to us while we were swimming. She didn't

know he was my husband. He was also the maintenance supervisor for the property

we lived at at the time, and she started flirting with him.

 

He just said, " Uh, excuse me, I came to say hi to my wife! " and then she got

kinda mad. I thought it was funny. She called me one other time to " Hang Out "

and I said, " No thanks, but if you need to talk - I don't mind if you come

over " . And I really wouldn't have minded, if she really did want to talk to me

and not just flirt with all these guys that were younger than her. She

just said, " Never mind, my favorite TV show is on! " and hung up the phone. So,

that was all, she never called again, and I never called her, because I didn't

care to. She irritated me and was boring and just wanted to use me.

 

I have had lots of True friends over the years and sometimes when we have a

chance, we do fun things, like go swimming or hiking, or even bowling or to a

movie. But really, I am too busy and tired to do that very often.

 

I don't think that you or I are that different Sondra from many of the moms on

this chat group. I doubt that most of them have the time, energy, or even desire

to go  " Hang Out " with little shallow people who want to spoil themselves and

don't care about helping others.

 

Most " Real " women can't stand annoying little flirty brats that are all over on

TV and Movies and all the ones in real life who are trying to copy the movies.

 

Movies are just that... Movies! They are not real and they, nor TV, or books

represent reality. They may call it " Reality TV, but it is not real " . For the

most part, it is all acting and pretending and lying and putting on what is

called a  " Front " or a " Mask " in other words, pretending to be something you are

not.

 

I think the reason that you and I don't have and don't want " Friends " is because

we can see through them. We can see that they are lying and pretending to care

and be " Nice " to get something out of us. Who knows what? half of the time, but

obviously something.

 

In the case with the girl I mentioned earlier, I realized later she wanted me to

watch her baby for her, so that she could have " Fun " and shop, flirt, tan, and

swim. She saw that I was a good mom and figured that if she was a " Friend " with

me, that I would watch her son, so she didn't have to and didn't have to pay a

babysitter.

 

Not all people are that way. In fact, many are very good people, but the ones

who want to " Hang Out " once they are supposed to be responsible adults, usually

are. And the ones who are fakey and say one thing and mean another are not real

friends either.

 

Real friends don't always get anything, out of a friendship or

relationship, except getting to spend time with you and really get to know you.

They don't usually expect anything more than that, either. A good friend will

offer to do nice things for their friend and to help out, and if all good

friends did that, then people would all get a lot out of their friendhips. But

good friends would also never demand or expect it. One of the best ways that I

have found in being able to figure out whether someone is or will be a true

friend or not, is by their willingness to listen. A true friend will actually

pay attention to what you answer when they ask, " So how are you doing? "   a

" Friend " will not. They will say, " Oh, Hi. I haven't seen you in forever... Oh,

my gosh! How are you? What have you been doing? " and then nearly the second you

try to answer they tune you out and stop listening, and then they just say, " Oh

that's nice, well I have to get going

now, or they start talking about them, without responding to what you even said

or are still saying " .

  

I really do have a lot of good true friends, but most of them are so far away

and I rarely if ever see them. Mostly we write oneanother or call on the phone

and share stories like these.

 

But Sondra, just because our friends don't go shopping and playing along with

us, doesn't make us weird or crazy or even outnumbered. It just makes us, not

the movies... It makes us real actually and much more " Down to Earth " realistic

and normal.

 

We are the ones who will keep our friendships and have them for years and years,

even if they are few and far between, and the others who want to " Party " and

have " Fun " and " Friends " to go " Hang Out " with, will go through hundreds of

friends and yet have no true friends. No one they can turn to when the fun is

gone.

 

There is a great movie about this, that I think you would like. It is a

Christmas sort of movie and it is called The Ultimate Gift I think. It is about

a guy who has " Friends " plenty of them, until he has no money and nothing and

then he has to learn about real friendhip and how to be a real friend. It is a

very good movie, with nothing bad in it, A family kind of movie. I can't be 100%

sure on the title, but it was a very nice movie, that I think you might enjoy.

 

I gotta go make some food for everybody and do something about my neck. I can't

even turn my head either direction, it's all kinked. I didn't get much sleep

either. 

I am sorry that you aren't feeling well either.

 

Thanks again to everybody for the prayers, they are so needed.

Esther  

Subject: Re: bugs & needed prayers

To: Autism_in_Girls

Date: Thursday, August 28, 2008, 3:40 PM

esther I will be to pray and oddly enotuhg I to only got of 2 hours

of sleep lastnight and this day am of the sneezing and chilling and

such and teh sores of the nose are of getting much sore inside of the

nose so i to understand this constant state of sick and hate of it.

the children of me are older and more able now but can understand

because when I to be of had of the kids be of little they were of age

6, 4, 2, and newborn and that was of hard too hard for me for many

years but in true now looking back it was much easy in compare to

tehm being of teenagers. trying to keep of them safe is an ever

cosntant from teh time they are of born until they are of the age

they still are to be and it worrys of me much so. but anyways can

relate to the whole of you post. i to ahd more times than not of

losing places to live , reasons were of lack of responsiblity to the

family on behalf of the husband and still is of much issues at times

so for me as I to shared functioning as a single mom to 4 even though

married to a part time husband. he is of making good changes at times

now and so I to ahve to give of him a chance to do right by me and

the childrens.

I to know of the power of the hand of God but i to also know that

even when we do not understand he is of still working for the good of

those that love him. so I to pray for you strength in all this and to

pray for Gods plans to be in all of this too. you are of a good

freind like person and are of right I to ahve of much freind like

people but not the shopping sorts of buddy and drive around and do

things sorts of people those are of the types of people I to not seek

or have or really sure would want , but i to feel that soceity

insists and feels I to need them so I to feel as if maybe I to be of

not normal because dont have of one and or want to seek of one. yet

parts of me at times feel if I ot have of one then society views of

me would see of me as more able and smart and that they would see me

whole and not lacking/ sondra