Re: My breaking point has finally hit.

[Guest guest]

-

It's great that you're going to see a counselor.

In addition, please talk with your husband about all this. Your

expectations may not be valid (that he will be more affectionate to you

when/if you have removed some fat) - and therefore, you're setting yourself

up for disappointment.

In other words, if he is not more affectionate when you remove the fat,

where will you be?

n

At 02:27 PM 5/31/2006, you wrote:

>Yesterday I was going to Fashion Bug to buy a new top for an interview I

>have today. I finally hit my absolute breaking point. I broke down (all

>be it pretty quietly) in the dressing room when I realized just how SICK

>and FAT I look. I'm so fat it's disgusting, and it's no wonder my husband

>hardly touches me anymore. I wouldn't want to touch me either. <SNIP>

[Guest guest]

I just get so upset when I talk to him - not angry upset - but just depressed

upset. I'm not doing this for my husband. I'm doing it for me. And I know it

WILL help the affection area.... but I also know we have some other matters to

work on also that may bring us back to where we used to be. I am doing it for

him to a degree, I suppose.... because how would I feel if he ballooned up like

an elephant? I would still love him, but I can definitely see how he would pull

back to a degree.

I didn't mean to email another one of " shannon's sob stories " to the board... I

am sure you're all sick of hearing about my failures. Thanks for listening

anyway.

Thanks for the reply n.

n wrote: -

It's great that you're going to see a counselor.

In addition, please talk with your husband about all this. Your

expectations may not be valid (that he will be more affectionate to you

when/if you have removed some fat) - and therefore, you're setting yourself

up for disappointment.

In other words, if he is not more affectionate when you remove the fat,

where will you be?

n

At 02:27 PM 5/31/2006, you wrote:

>Yesterday I was going to Fashion Bug to buy a new top for an interview I

>have today. I finally hit my absolute breaking point. I broke down (all

>be it pretty quietly) in the dressing room when I realized just how SICK

>and FAT I look. I'm so fat it's disgusting, and it's no wonder my husband

>hardly touches me anymore. I wouldn't want to touch me either. <SNIP>

[Guest guest]

Hey ,

First I want to say it takes more courage than you give yourself

credit for to post your story on the board. You have to let it out

somewhere! I wanted to respond because I see some similarities in

your journey and mine. We're both about the same age and when I

started at the beginning of `05 I was freshly divorced, 239 lbs,

losing my house and unhappy in general. Talk about a low point. If

I wasn't at that low point I don't know if I would've had the

motivation or the determination to make BFL work. Something needed

to change in my life, and my body and how I treated it was the one

thing I could control. And amazingly as I began to take control of

my eating and exercise habits the out of control spiral I was on

seemed to slow. I've regained control not only of my body but of my

life.

Hitting a low isn't such a bad thing…just make it work for you. When

you feel like straying off the program remember how you felt that day

standing in the dressing room and know in your heart there's no way

in hell you're going back to that point. Glorify in your daily

successes. Forgive the mistakes. Don't do anything you can't live

with for the rest of your life. This isn't about 12 weeks… it's

about living it day to day and living it for life!

> >Yesterday I was going to Fashion Bug to buy a new top for an

interview I

> >have today. I finally hit my absolute breaking point. I broke

down (all

> >be it pretty quietly) in the dressing room when I realized just

how SICK

> >and FAT I look. I'm so fat it's disgusting, and it's no wonder

my husband

> >hardly touches me anymore. I wouldn't want to touch me either.

<SNIP>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

Take all that negative energy and turn it into something productive.

Do not, however, hate yourself for any reason. You are allowed to be

unhappy with some aspect of your physique, but you are a unique and

wonderful person regardless of what the mirror says.

Don't do more cardio as a punishment either (which is kind of what you

sounded like to me). Instead, review what you are doing...are you

getting results? If not, where are the likely trouble spots?

Remember, no amount of cardio or weights will make up for poor eating.

How are your meals?

As for your husband's reaction to you...it is probably more in

reaction to your own unhappiness than it is to your body. Try to love

yourself more and you will allow him to as well.

Barbara

>

> Yesterday I was going to Fashion Bug to buy a new top for an

interview I have today. I finally hit my absolute breaking point. I

broke down (all be it pretty quietly) in the dressing room when I

realized just how SICK and FAT I look. I'm so fat it's disgusting,

and it's no wonder my husband hardly touches me anymore. I wouldn't

want to touch me either. And I'm not exaggerating.... it's down right

sickening to look at and I finally hit that point where not even I can

stand looking at myself anymore - which really gave me the mojo to

keep doing what I'm doing. I am going to up my cardio for the time

being - and I know it isn't realistic to do that because I will " burn

out " - but I HAVE to do something to kick start this weight loss. 3 x

a week at 20 minutes a pop is NOT going to do it for ME (works great

for some, but I need to do something different).

>

> I'm probably going to go to see a counselor too because yesterday

really brought me down hardcore... and I feel very low and VERY

depressed today. part of me just really wants to lock myself up and

never have to come out ... but I know that isn't the answer. It's

really unhealthy the attitude I have towards myself and I know I need

to get it fixed.

>

> I don't need to be a size 4 to be happy... but in order to make

myself happy, I have got to lose some fat. I'd settle for a size 10,

quite truthfully. RIght now I'm in 14-16... and that may not seem

like much to some of you - but I am 24 years old and 200 pounds. :-(

I didn't actually ever view myself as obese because I know a lot of

200 pound people that are WAY bigger than me, andI just don't get it.

but yesterday.... that took the cake.

>

> SOrry to write such a downer of an email... but I am very down

today. I've been eating well, and exercising and I think I've

actually gained 3 more pounds instead of losing ANYTHING this entire time.

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

if you are considering a counselor

please consider

http://www.thepathway.org/

i say this all the time to people

just because i think they are great and they know what they are doing

and having " your solution " means being very very happy -- not just thin

felicity

> Yesterday I was going to Fashion Bug to buy a new top for an

> interview I have today. I finally hit my absolute breaking point.

> I broke down (all be it pretty quietly) in the dressing room when I

> realized just how SICK and FAT I look. I'm so fat it's disgusting,

> and it's no wonder my husband hardly touches me anymore. I

> wouldn't want to touch me either. And I'm not exaggerating....

> it's down right sickening to look at and I finally hit that point

> where not even I can stand looking at myself anymore - which really

> gave me the mojo to keep doing what I'm doing. I am going to up my

> cardio for the time being - and I know it isn't realistic to do

> that because I will " burn out " - but I HAVE to do something to kick

> start this weight loss. 3 x a week at 20 minutes a pop is NOT

> going to do it for ME (works great for some, but I need to do

> something different).

>

> I'm probably going to go to see a counselor too because yesterday

> really brought me down hardcore... and I feel very low and VERY

> depressed today. part of me just really wants to lock myself up

> and never have to come out ... but I know that isn't the answer.

> It's really unhealthy the attitude I have towards myself and I know

> I need to get it fixed.

>

> I don't need to be a size 4 to be happy... but in order to make

> myself happy, I have got to lose some fat. I'd settle for a size

> 10, quite truthfully. RIght now I'm in 14-16... and that may not

> seem like much to some of you - but I am 24 years old and 200

> pounds. :-( I didn't actually ever view myself as obese because I

> know a lot of 200 pound people that are WAY bigger than me, andI

> just don't get it. but yesterday.... that took the cake.

>

> SOrry to write such a downer of an email... but I am very down

> today. I've been eating well, and exercising and I think I've

> actually gained 3 more pounds instead of losing ANYTHING this

> entire time.

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

one thing i can hear in your emails is how hard you are on yourself

and the pathway.org is all about learning that being nice to yourself

is how to get yourself to co-operate

felicity

> I just get so upset when I talk to him - not angry upset - but just

> depressed upset. I'm not doing this for my husband. I'm doing it

> for me. And I know it WILL help the affection area.... but I also

> know we have some other matters to work on also that may bring us

> back to where we used to be. I am doing it for him to a degree, I

> suppose.... because how would I feel if he ballooned up like an

> elephant? I would still love him, but I can definitely see how he

> would pull back to a degree.

>

> I didn't mean to email another one of " shannon's sob stories " to

> the board... I am sure you're all sick of hearing about my

> failures. Thanks for listening anyway.

>

> Thanks for the reply n.

>

>

> n wrote: -

> It's great that you're going to see a counselor.

>

> In addition, please talk with your husband about all this. Your

> expectations may not be valid (that he will be more affectionate

> to you

> when/if you have removed some fat) - and therefore, you're setting

> yourself

> up for disappointment.

>

> In other words, if he is not more affectionate when you remove the

> fat,

> where will you be?

>

> n

>

> At 02:27 PM 5/31/2006, you wrote:

>> Yesterday I was going to Fashion Bug to buy a new top for an

>> interview I

>> have today. I finally hit my absolute breaking point. I broke

>> down (all

>> be it pretty quietly) in the dressing room when I realized just

>> how SICK

>> and FAT I look. I'm so fat it's disgusting, and it's no wonder my

>> husband

>> hardly touches me anymore. I wouldn't want to touch me either.

>> <SNIP>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

Also please know that you are not alone. I am sure that most of us also hit some

breaking point at some time.

My breaking point was going away for christmas to see my mom. having nothing she

bought me fit--all too tight. having to return it all and feeling disgusting.

then coming home, and changing my lifestyle. its what you do from here on out

that matters. and it is important that you do this for you, not anyone else.

[Guest guest]

THanks Felicity... I will check the website out.....!

~

Felicity wrote: if you are considering a counselor

please consider

http://www.thepathway.org/

i say this all the time to people

just because i think they are great and they know what they are doing

and having " your solution " means being very very happy -- not just thin

felicity

> Yesterday I was going to Fashion Bug to buy a new top for an

> interview I have today. I finally hit my absolute breaking point.

> I broke down (all be it pretty quietly) in the dressing room when I

> realized just how SICK and FAT I look. I'm so fat it's disgusting,

> and it's no wonder my husband hardly touches me anymore. I

> wouldn't want to touch me either. And I'm not exaggerating....

> it's down right sickening to look at and I finally hit that point

> where not even I can stand looking at myself anymore - which really

> gave me the mojo to keep doing what I'm doing. I am going to up my

> cardio for the time being - and I know it isn't realistic to do

> that because I will " burn out " - but I HAVE to do something to kick

> start this weight loss. 3 x a week at 20 minutes a pop is NOT

> going to do it for ME (works great for some, but I need to do

> something different).

>

> I'm probably going to go to see a counselor too because yesterday

> really brought me down hardcore... and I feel very low and VERY

> depressed today. part of me just really wants to lock myself up

> and never have to come out ... but I know that isn't the answer.

> It's really unhealthy the attitude I have towards myself and I know

> I need to get it fixed.

>

> I don't need to be a size 4 to be happy... but in order to make

> myself happy, I have got to lose some fat. I'd settle for a size

> 10, quite truthfully. RIght now I'm in 14-16... and that may not

> seem like much to some of you - but I am 24 years old and 200

> pounds. :-( I didn't actually ever view myself as obese because I

> know a lot of 200 pound people that are WAY bigger than me, andI

> just don't get it. but yesterday.... that took the cake.

>

> SOrry to write such a downer of an email... but I am very down

> today. I've been eating well, and exercising and I think I've

> actually gained 3 more pounds instead of losing ANYTHING this

> entire time.

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Barbara,

You are probably very right concerning my husband. I often times feel very down

and that probably is a major turn off to him. I need to start loving myself

more and in turn that will reflect on him.

I wasn't going to up cardio for punishment... it's just when I lost all my

weight before, I was doing more cardio than 60 minutes a week... and so I think

if I can do a little more, it would help. the reason I put all the weight back

on after I lost it before my wedding was because I flat out STOPPED working out

and didn't care about food.

Regarding my food - as you know I had some weeks in the past couple months

wheere I totally bombed... but overall I really do believe I have gotten SO

much better at eating over the past 5 months. I " started " BFL in January... and

really have gotten quite far on the snacks, etc. that I eat. I eat a lot more

chicken, and I cook a lot more instead of hubby and I eating out. I am going to

go through our kitchen though and get rid of the " snacks " I shoudln't have

bought at the store (choc. covered pretzels, etc.) because I know when I start

eating one of the snacks, I can't stop... and it turns almost into a binge

sometimes.

If anything, I feel very proud of my eating over the recent months because I

know overall (even if I do slip up now and then) I am eating better.

It's the exercise that gets me... I can basically talk myself out of the gym any

day of the week. Once I get INTO the gym... I LOVE it. If i could just

steadily go for 2 weeks without missing a workout - I will once again re-love

the gym. I used to crave going there, but I can't seem to get there

consistently enough to rekindle that love! :-)

I am trying though...

alysd38 <no_reply > wrote: ,

Take all that negative energy and turn it into something productive.

Do not, however, hate yourself for any reason. You are allowed to be

unhappy with some aspect of your physique, but you are a unique and

wonderful person regardless of what the mirror says.

Don't do more cardio as a punishment either (which is kind of what you

sounded like to me). Instead, review what you are doing...are you

getting results? If not, where are the likely trouble spots?

Remember, no amount of cardio or weights will make up for poor eating.

How are your meals?

As for your husband's reaction to you...it is probably more in

reaction to your own unhappiness than it is to your body. Try to love

yourself more and you will allow him to as well.

Barbara

>

> Yesterday I was going to Fashion Bug to buy a new top for an

interview I have today. I finally hit my absolute breaking point. I

broke down (all be it pretty quietly) in the dressing room when I

realized just how SICK and FAT I look. I'm so fat it's disgusting,

and it's no wonder my husband hardly touches me anymore. I wouldn't

want to touch me either. And I'm not exaggerating.... it's down right

sickening to look at and I finally hit that point where not even I can

stand looking at myself anymore - which really gave me the mojo to

keep doing what I'm doing. I am going to up my cardio for the time

being - and I know it isn't realistic to do that because I will " burn

out " - but I HAVE to do something to kick start this weight loss. 3 x

a week at 20 minutes a pop is NOT going to do it for ME (works great

for some, but I need to do something different).

>

> I'm probably going to go to see a counselor too because yesterday

really brought me down hardcore... and I feel very low and VERY

depressed today. part of me just really wants to lock myself up and

never have to come out ... but I know that isn't the answer. It's

really unhealthy the attitude I have towards myself and I know I need

to get it fixed.

>

> I don't need to be a size 4 to be happy... but in order to make

myself happy, I have got to lose some fat. I'd settle for a size 10,

quite truthfully. RIght now I'm in 14-16... and that may not seem

like much to some of you - but I am 24 years old and 200 pounds. :-(

I didn't actually ever view myself as obese because I know a lot of

200 pound people that are WAY bigger than me, andI just don't get it.

but yesterday.... that took the cake.

>

> SOrry to write such a downer of an email... but I am very down

today. I've been eating well, and exercising and I think I've

actually gained 3 more pounds instead of losing ANYTHING this entire time.

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing your breaking point with me Cyndi.... I know we all have

those moments... I guess I should be thankful my breaking point came now at 24

instead of at a later age.

I wanted to make sure that everyone knew... I am not doing this weight loss for

my husband... it is for ME because someday I would like to have children and I

want to live to be at least 90. At the rate I am going, I will probably die of

a heart attack or something else by the time I am 40. I've always been a firm

believer that if you are wanting to lose weight it should be for you, not

because society or family/friends tell you that you need to.

Sure, it would be nice to be one of the " hot " girls everyone looks at when you

walk down the street, lol... but that's not me. I've always been big, ever

since I was little... and I know I will always have some size to me... but as

long as I am a healthy " big " (lol) I will be happy.

I just now realized I have never posted any pictures here... so I am attaching a

picture of me and my husband about 2 years ago, and the one of just me is one

taken about 3 months ago .... you can definitely see a weight gain, eh? I get

" fat " in my abdomin and face the most. This way you guys know who you are

talking to. Sorry... I'm not brave enough to share any " bikini " photos of me

(not that I have any to share, lol .. :-)

cyndibarre@... wrote:

,

Also please know that you are not alone. I am sure that most of us also hit

some breaking point at some time.

My breaking point was going away for christmas to see my mom. having nothing

she bought me fit--all too tight. having to return it all and feeling

disgusting. then coming home, and changing my lifestyle. its what you do from

here on out that matters. and it is important that you do this for you, not

anyone else.

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry honey! I was there exactly where you are when I was 20 years old.

I was almost 200 pounds, wore a size 16, and I was disgusted with myself. The

first thing you need to know is that you CAN succeed! You have to take things

one day, one meal, one workout at a time. Did your husband say negative things

to you or is that your perception? I know it's easy to say, but you need to love

yourself to do this, not do it as a punishment. From your posts, I can tell that

you are a loving, caring person, and you DESERVE to feel good and be happy with

yourself! How have your workouts been? Intense? Do you enter calories into

fitday? What do you eat on a normal basis? Believe me, it can be done, and we

all believe in you!

Dearing wrote: Yesterday I was going to Fashion

Bug to buy a new top for an interview I have today. I finally hit my absolute

breaking point. I broke down (all be it pretty quietly) in the dressing room

when I realized just how SICK and FAT I look. I'm so fat it's disgusting, and

it's no wonder my husband hardly touches me anymore. I wouldn't want to touch

me either. And I'm not exaggerating.... it's down right sickening to look at

and I finally hit that point where not even I can stand looking at myself

anymore - which really gave me the mojo to keep doing what I'm doing. I am

going to up my cardio for the time being - and I know it isn't realistic to do

that because I will " burn out " - but I HAVE to do something to kick start this

weight loss. 3 x a week at 20 minutes a pop is NOT going to do it for ME (works

great for some, but I need to do something different).

I'm probably going to go to see a counselor too because yesterday really brought

me down hardcore... and I feel very low and VERY depressed today. part of me

just really wants to lock myself up and never have to come out ... but I know

that isn't the answer. It's really unhealthy the attitude I have towards myself

and I know I need to get it fixed.

I don't need to be a size 4 to be happy... but in order to make myself happy, I

have got to lose some fat. I'd settle for a size 10, quite truthfully. RIght

now I'm in 14-16... and that may not seem like much to some of you - but I am 24

years old and 200 pounds. :-( I didn't actually ever view myself as obese

because I know a lot of 200 pound people that are WAY bigger than me, andI just

don't get it. but yesterday.... that took the cake.

SOrry to write such a downer of an email... but I am very down today. I've been

eating well, and exercising and I think I've actually gained 3 more pounds

instead of losing ANYTHING this entire time.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry honey! I was there exactly where you are when I was 20 years old.

I was almost 200 pounds, wore a size 16, and I was disgusted with myself. The

first thing you need to know is that you CAN succeed! You have to take things

one day, one meal, one workout at a time. Did your husband say negative things

to you or is that your perception? I know it's easy to say, but you need to love

yourself to do this, not do it as a punishment. From your posts, I can tell that

you are a loving, caring person, and you DESERVE to feel good and be happy with

yourself! How have your workouts been? Intense? Do you enter calories into

fitday? What do you eat on a normal basis? Believe me, it can be done, and we

all believe in you!

Dearing wrote: Yesterday I was going to Fashion

Bug to buy a new top for an interview I have today. I finally hit my absolute

breaking point. I broke down (all be it pretty quietly) in the dressing room

when I realized just how SICK and FAT I look. I'm so fat it's disgusting, and

it's no wonder my husband hardly touches me anymore. I wouldn't want to touch

me either. And I'm not exaggerating.... it's down right sickening to look at

and I finally hit that point where not even I can stand looking at myself

anymore - which really gave me the mojo to keep doing what I'm doing. I am

going to up my cardio for the time being - and I know it isn't realistic to do

that because I will " burn out " - but I HAVE to do something to kick start this

weight loss. 3 x a week at 20 minutes a pop is NOT going to do it for ME (works

great for some, but I need to do something different).

I'm probably going to go to see a counselor too because yesterday really brought

me down hardcore... and I feel very low and VERY depressed today. part of me

just really wants to lock myself up and never have to come out ... but I know

that isn't the answer. It's really unhealthy the attitude I have towards myself

and I know I need to get it fixed.

I don't need to be a size 4 to be happy... but in order to make myself happy, I

have got to lose some fat. I'd settle for a size 10, quite truthfully. RIght

now I'm in 14-16... and that may not seem like much to some of you - but I am 24

years old and 200 pounds. :-( I didn't actually ever view myself as obese

because I know a lot of 200 pound people that are WAY bigger than me, andI just

don't get it. but yesterday.... that took the cake.

SOrry to write such a downer of an email... but I am very down today. I've been

eating well, and exercising and I think I've actually gained 3 more pounds

instead of losing ANYTHING this entire time.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Some of us dont mind the stories and we are here if you need us

Dearing wrote:I just get so upset when I talk

to him - not angry upset - but just depressed upset. I'm not doing this for my

husband. I'm doing it for me. And I know it WILL help the affection area....

but I also know we have some other matters to work on also that may bring us

back to where we used to be. I am doing it for him to a degree, I suppose....

because how would I feel if he ballooned up like an elephant? I would still

love him, but I can definitely see how he would pull back to a degree.

I didn't mean to email another one of " shannon's sob stories " to the board...

I am sure you're all sick of hearing about my failures. Thanks for listening

anyway.

Thanks for the reply n.

n wrote: -

It's great that you're going to see a counselor.

In addition, please talk with your husband about all this. Your

expectations may not be valid (that he will be more affectionate to you

when/if you have removed some fat) - and therefore, you're setting yourself

up for disappointment.

In other words, if he is not more affectionate when you remove the fat,

where will you be?

n

At 02:27 PM 5/31/2006, you wrote:

>Yesterday I was going to Fashion Bug to buy a new top for an interview I

>have today. I finally hit my absolute breaking point. I broke down (all

>be it pretty quietly) in the dressing room when I realized just how SICK

>and FAT I look. I'm so fat it's disgusting, and it's no wonder my husband

>hardly touches me anymore. I wouldn't want to touch me either. <SNIP>

[Guest guest]

I hope everyone feels free to lean on the shoulders of the women who

post on this list. We ALL have our ups and our downs as time goes by.

Just as this is the place to share joys of the successes, it is a

place to share the painful times too.

I think typing it to the group is a healthier choice than " stuffing "

the emotion down with " trigger " food.

Most of us totally understand the dressing room mirror confrontations...

Sending hugs to right now.

M.

[Guest guest]

> Most of us totally understand the dressing room mirror

> confrontations...

oh yea

felicity

[Guest guest]

but on the flip side of that---

remember the first time you felt really great about weight loss and slipped into

a new size.

i remember my first time getting into a size 4. i could of floated out of the

dressing room!