Hard day

[Guest guest]

Hey everybody!

Well, today was a really hard day for me. It's May Day and it was

beautiful where I live. And I got to see some really wonderful

women friends of mine - that was great!

But my food, which started off great, ended up being pretty crappy

towards the end of the day. It was definitely emotional eating as I

was having a really really tough day. My husband and I are trying

to conceive and my period came early and there's a question as to

whether it was my period or implantation bleeding that went wrong -

thus the period. I spoke to my acupuncturist and my ob/gyn and the

upshot is that I'm going to have to have all my hormone levels

checked and my FSH levels checked to make sure everything's good to

go. But what was so hard for me is that I was totally reliving my

really long and difficult miscarriage of over a year ago and what I

did after the miscarriage was medicate with chocolate. Guess what I

had tonight? That's right, chocolate.

I've put a call in to a really good therapist that specializes in

birth losses - so hopefully I'll be doing MORE healing on that.

But, man, it sucked!!! The thought of having to go into a doctor's

office for testings re: my fertility just fills me with anxiety and

sadness.

At any rate, I'm doing what I can to survive this but I really don't

want to wreck all of the progress I've made in the past nine months

by relying on my good ole friend chocolate!!! So, I've been

reviewing where I am now and how I can really support my BFL

lifestyle now.

So, I notice that I haven't been writing down meals and planning

them lately. I think that's been a major stumbling block for me,

especially on a day like today. So, I'm reocmmiting to planning,

planning, planning. Tomorrow I'll be cooking lots of food for the

rest of the week (before all my meat goes bad!) - it's too late

tonight and I'm exhausted!

And I'm putting my goals out there to have some accountability:

Long term goals:

To be 17-15% bodyfat and be within 2-3 pounds of my optimal weight

for my bf for the rest of my life;

To have good health and fitness for my entire life;

To be grateful and proud of my body;

To be proud of myself as an individual, a mother and a wife;

To be fulfilling my lifepurpose.

12 month:

Babe in arms (if it is in the cards for me) and well on my way to

being in shape;

Being a fit, healthy mom of my firstborn and a nursling (again, if

it is in the cards for me);

Teaching perinatal fitness classes;

Proud of and grateful to my body.

3 month:

Eating cleanly and healthily;

Exercising consistenty and joyfully;

Bf% lower and weight lower;

Teaching perinatal fitness classes;

I am a fit, beautiful, glowing (and hopefully) pregnant woman;

I am an energetic, fulfilled woman, mom and wife.

Weekly:

Eating cleanly and healthily;

Exercising consistently and joyfully;

Lower bf% & weight moving down;

Improving and optimizing body;

Energetic, fullfilled woman, mom and wife.

Daily:

Wake up early and get my workout done!;

Eat 5-6 healthy balanced meals/day (lots of whole foods);

Drink a gallon of water/day;

Planning out my food and workouts;

Eat clean, exercise consistently - create lifelong healthy patterns;

Energetic, fulfilled woman, mom and wife.

I'm writing these goals out and putting them in my own little

meditation room. I'm also putting a chart on the wall to keep track

of how things are going. I'm also recommiting to writing everything

down in my journal. I'm also going to really commit to giving

myself some time to nurture myself - I really need it as a

homeschooling mom!

So, women. That's my plan. I'm sure I have some blindspots, so if

anyone has some feedback, please feel free to advise.

Thanks for reading this tome!