Re: Japan, my weight, and me

[Guest guest]

hi there! so cool you are in JAPAN!! i really have a fascination with the

island and will go there one day

i am also in my early twenties (just turned 24) and know what it is like to

FEEL like you are not progressing. KNOW that you ARE in fact progressing

(just by emailing to this group, you are taking steps to better health!)..

we are all here to help and understand, and we do.

remember you are not alone. and, if you can, think of some success in your

recent journey (besides your email posting and five " good " days) that

might help you get in a more positive space, the space where we sincerely

feel like we deserve this amazing and intense internal work towards total

transformation.

with love (i wish i knew how to say that in japanese!),

Avie

On Wed, Dec 1, 2010 at 6:06 PM, starsandcars <planetelex0@...> wrote:

>

>

> [bulleted to make it faster to read]

>

> *moving to Japan. First time alone, in a foreign country, and with a

> regular 9-5pm job

>

> *had anorexia and bulimia for years but have been in recovery for 2+ years.

> still struggle with food

>

> *I am at my highest weight ever. I feel insecure and unhappy (as well as

> tired and sluggish)

>

> *have been bingeing due to nerve and lack of a normal food environment

> (family is weird about food and bf is no longer living in the same city as

> me so i dont have a " food role model "

>

> *Japan has been a dream of mine for awhile but it stirs up a lot of issues

> that led to my eating disorders- mainly that i felt the need to be smaller

> like my japanese friends and to appear attractive to asian men (still feel

> that need regardless of my current happy relationship).

>

> *love clothing design and japanese designers but I realized I will barely

> fit into even the largest woman's size in japanese clothes-this has made me

> feel ridiculously insecure and depressed as japanese clothing design is a

> huge reason as to why i love japan and wanted to go in the first place.

>

> *recent attempts to lose weight have lead to weight gains instead due to

> bingeing. ive gone into hyper-planning mode lately as its now only a couple

> of months until my departure trying to figure out how to lose all the weight

> before i go to japan. i just binged again after being " good " for 5 days.

>

> *i am at a loss of how to healthfully lose this extra weight (its unhealhy

> affects are showing up in my fitness level and blood work so I'm not crazy,

> I have to lose this weight). i'm starting to feel like I'll never be able to

> view food or my body in a normal way ever again!

>

> *i keep promising to my bf that I'll lose X amount of weight by X time and

> when I fall through and inevitably binge it hurts our relationship. im

> afraid my mind games are going to hurt us more and more the longer i spend

> unable to " get over " my food issues.

>

> *i've put everything on hold in my life because of my weight for the

> millionth time in my life. i cant work, study, or even relax any more. all i

> think about is food and how im going to fix my problem.

>

> Each day I fight a war. One side is angry that I wasted all my teens and

> now early twenties being fat and miserable when I could have been thin and

> " enjoying " my life and the other side is angry that I've wasted so much

> sweat and tears and time and love on such an insignificant aspect of what it

> means to be me. Therapy has not solved this. Journaling has not solved this.

> Even when I was semi-normal with food I still had my desire to be thin and

> perfect resting in the corner waiting for me to finally fulfill my

> potential. I am simultaneously unwilling to suffer from ed while also

> unwilling to continue carrying all this weight and being unhappy and

> unhealthy.

>

> And to add to all that. I'm especially anxious of all this food and weight

> noise in my head because I'll be living on my own in Japan and it is the

> perfect opportunity for me to fall back into old behaviors yet again. This

> is the last thing that I want!

>

> tl;dr Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this kind of pressure

> and successfully living on your own in a healthy way?

>

>

>

--

Avie Linden

University of Michigan - Anthropology

Program in the Environment, History of Art

248.535.0521

[Guest guest]

The Japanese word for love is ai(here's how to pronounce it -

http://japanese.about.com/library/bl50kanji_ai.htm). My son lives in Japan &

teaches english there - it is beautiful place (and so clean!)

________________________________

From: onewhorled <onewhorled@...>

weightloss

Sent: Thu, December 2, 2010 8:49:38 AM

Subject: Re: Japan, my weight, and me

hi there! so cool you are in JAPAN!! i really have a fascination with the

island and will go there one day

i am also in my early twenties (just turned 24) and know what it is like to

FEEL like you are not progressing. KNOW that you ARE in fact progressing

(just by emailing to this group, you are taking steps to better health!)..

we are all here to help and understand, and we do.

remember you are not alone. and, if you can, think of some success in your

recent journey (besides your email posting and five " good " days) that

might help you get in a more positive space, the space where we sincerely

feel like we deserve this amazing and intense internal work towards total

transformation.

with love (i wish i knew how to say that in japanese!),

Avie

On Wed, Dec 1, 2010 at 6:06 PM, starsandcars <planetelex0@...> wrote:

>

>

> [bulleted to make it faster to read]

>

> *moving to Japan. First time alone, in a foreign country, and with a

> regular 9-5pm job

>

> *had anorexia and bulimia for years but have been in recovery for 2+ years.

> still struggle with food

>

> *I am at my highest weight ever. I feel insecure and unhappy (as well as

> tired and sluggish)

>

> *have been bingeing due to nerve and lack of a normal food environment

> (family is weird about food and bf is no longer living in the same city as

> me so i dont have a " food role model "

>

> *Japan has been a dream of mine for awhile but it stirs up a lot of issues

> that led to my eating disorders- mainly that i felt the need to be smaller

> like my japanese friends and to appear attractive to asian men (still feel

> that need regardless of my current happy relationship).

>

> *love clothing design and japanese designers but I realized I will barely

> fit into even the largest woman's size in japanese clothes-this has made me

> feel ridiculously insecure and depressed as japanese clothing design is a

> huge reason as to why i love japan and wanted to go in the first place.

>

> *recent attempts to lose weight have lead to weight gains instead due to

> bingeing. ive gone into hyper-planning mode lately as its now only a couple

> of months until my departure trying to figure out how to lose all the weight

> before i go to japan. i just binged again after being " good " for 5 days.

>

> *i am at a loss of how to healthfully lose this extra weight (its unhealhy

> affects are showing up in my fitness level and blood work so I'm not crazy,

> I have to lose this weight). i'm starting to feel like I'll never be able to

> view food or my body in a normal way ever again!

>

> *i keep promising to my bf that I'll lose X amount of weight by X time and

> when I fall through and inevitably binge it hurts our relationship. im

> afraid my mind games are going to hurt us more and more the longer i spend

> unable to " get over " my food issues.

>

> *i've put everything on hold in my life because of my weight for the

> millionth time in my life. i cant work, study, or even relax any more. all i

> think about is food and how im going to fix my problem.

>

> Each day I fight a war. One side is angry that I wasted all my teens and

> now early twenties being fat and miserable when I could have been thin and

> " enjoying " my life and the other side is angry that I've wasted so much

> sweat and tears and time and love on such an insignificant aspect of what it

> means to be me. Therapy has not solved this. Journaling has not solved this.

> Even when I was semi-normal with food I still had my desire to be thin and

> perfect resting in the corner waiting for me to finally fulfill my

> potential. I am simultaneously unwilling to suffer from ed while also

> unwilling to continue carrying all this weight and being unhappy and

> unhealthy.

>

> And to add to all that. I'm especially anxious of all this food and weight

> noise in my head because I'll be living on my own in Japan and it is the

> perfect opportunity for me to fall back into old behaviors yet again. This

> is the last thing that I want!

>

> tl;dr Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this kind of pressure

> and successfully living on your own in a healthy way?

>

>

>

--

Avie Linden

University of Michigan - Anthropology

Program in the Environment, History of Art

248.535.0521

[Guest guest]

Damn eating disorders!!!! God, I wish I had the perfect advice for you. I

understand how hard it can be. I too struggle with anorexia and bulimia and I

am uncomfortable with the weight I am right now. I don't know if you really do

need to lose weight or not (I know that my therapist and doctors have a totally

different feelin abou this.) No matter what your weight is, eating healthy is

the goal.

So, in my best world scenario you would only focus on eating healthy. Focusing

your energy on keeping your energy by eating six times a day and using portion

control. If it useful you can track your food and see how many calories you are

getting - but only as a guide to get you started. Keep your calorie load in a

healthy rang for the weight that is healthy for you and then let your body do

what it does. If you gain weight, lose weight, or plateau you will be doing

what you can to take care of your body.

Focus your love and energy on what you love. You are obviously a passionate

woman. Put all that of passion towards creating a life that has nothing to do

with body or weight.

Finally, write down triggers and plan how to deal with them in advance, practise

redos in your head, and be kind to yourself. This is just one small part of

lifes journey and we are allowed to be imperfect!

ai.

Jen

>

> [bulleted to make it faster to read]

>

> *moving to Japan. First time alone, in a foreign country, and with a regular

9-5pm job

>

> *had anorexia and bulimia for years but have been in recovery for 2+ years.

still struggle with food

>

> *I am at my highest weight ever. I feel insecure and unhappy (as well as tired

and sluggish)

>

> *have been bingeing due to nerve and lack of a normal food environment (family

is weird about food and bf is no longer living in the same city as me so i dont

have a " food role model "

>

> *Japan has been a dream of mine for awhile but it stirs up a lot of issues

that led to my eating disorders- mainly that i felt the need to be smaller like

my japanese friends and to appear attractive to asian men (still feel that need

regardless of my current happy relationship).

>

> *love clothing design and japanese designers but I realized I will barely fit

into even the largest woman's size in japanese clothes-this has made me feel

ridiculously insecure and depressed as japanese clothing design is a huge reason

as to why i love japan and wanted to go in the first place.

>

> *recent attempts to lose weight have lead to weight gains instead due to

bingeing. ive gone into hyper-planning mode lately as its now only a couple of

months until my departure trying to figure out how to lose all the weight before

i go to japan. i just binged again after being " good " for 5 days.

>

> *i am at a loss of how to healthfully lose this extra weight (its unhealhy

affects are showing up in my fitness level and blood work so I'm not crazy, I

have to lose this weight). i'm starting to feel like I'll never be able to view

food or my body in a normal way ever again!

>

> *i keep promising to my bf that I'll lose X amount of weight by X time and

when I fall through and inevitably binge it hurts our relationship. im afraid my

mind games are going to hurt us more and more the longer i spend unable to " get

over " my food issues.

>

> *i've put everything on hold in my life because of my weight for the millionth

time in my life. i cant work, study, or even relax any more. all i think about

is food and how im going to fix my problem.

>

> Each day I fight a war. One side is angry that I wasted all my teens and now

early twenties being fat and miserable when I could have been thin and

" enjoying " my life and the other side is angry that I've wasted so much sweat

and tears and time and love on such an insignificant aspect of what it means to

be me. Therapy has not solved this. Journaling has not solved this. Even when I

was semi-normal with food I still had my desire to be thin and perfect resting

in the corner waiting for me to finally fulfill my potential. I am

simultaneously unwilling to suffer from ed while also unwilling to continue

carrying all this weight and being unhappy and unhealthy.

>

> And to add to all that. I'm especially anxious of all this food and weight

noise in my head because I'll be living on my own in Japan and it is the perfect

opportunity for me to fall back into old behaviors yet again. This is the last

thing that I want!

>

> tl;dr Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this kind of pressure and

successfully living on your own in a healthy way?

>

[Guest guest]

I can totally relate to you on the urgency. I too have struggled with food since

being a teenager and now am in my mid-twenties still struggling. I feel like I'm

wasting time and not fully enjoying all the great things in my life, including

my great relationship with my bf. I am very close to my highest weight ever and

it really sucks, a lot.

It seems like you really feel stuck between being thin and having ED symptoms

and being heavier and feeling sluggish and feel like maybe those are your only

two options or at least the ones you've had access to so far. It might help to

realize that there is another option and to really try to picture it - dream it,

how youd feel, etc.

Regardless, I'm in a very similar boat and its tough but I have seen progress so

I know its possible. Accepting yourself as you are in the current moment always

makes me feel good and frees me up to think and do more positive things. Like, I

can now say, " I have struggled with food for a long time and am still

struggling, but have made progress in x, y, z areas and will continue to make

progress. " I do believe the more we can actually love and accept ourselves

currently the more progress we've made so try loving yourself for something you

did recently even if it was a total " screw up " in your mind.

I'll try one:

I went to a party and drank a few beers and then came home and totally overate

since I didn't do perfect at a party. Actually I overate this entire weekend,

which I do often. But I still love and accept myself.

Ha, I guess I do feel a little better. Hope that helps you a bit.

~

>

> [bulleted to make it faster to read]

>

> *moving to Japan. First time alone, in a foreign country, and with a regular

9-5pm job

>

> *had anorexia and bulimia for years but have been in recovery for 2+ years.

still struggle with food

>

> *I am at my highest weight ever. I feel insecure and unhappy (as well as tired

and sluggish)

>

> *have been bingeing due to nerve and lack of a normal food environment (family

is weird about food and bf is no longer living in the same city as me so i dont

have a " food role model "

>

> *Japan has been a dream of mine for awhile but it stirs up a lot of issues

that led to my eating disorders- mainly that i felt the need to be smaller like

my japanese friends and to appear attractive to asian men (still feel that need

regardless of my current happy relationship).

>

> *love clothing design and japanese designers but I realized I will barely fit

into even the largest woman's size in japanese clothes-this has made me feel

ridiculously insecure and depressed as japanese clothing design is a huge reason

as to why i love japan and wanted to go in the first place.

>

> *recent attempts to lose weight have lead to weight gains instead due to

bingeing. ive gone into hyper-planning mode lately as its now only a couple of

months until my departure trying to figure out how to lose all the weight before

i go to japan. i just binged again after being " good " for 5 days.

>

> *i am at a loss of how to healthfully lose this extra weight (its unhealhy

affects are showing up in my fitness level and blood work so I'm not crazy, I

have to lose this weight). i'm starting to feel like I'll never be able to view

food or my body in a normal way ever again!

>

> *i keep promising to my bf that I'll lose X amount of weight by X time and

when I fall through and inevitably binge it hurts our relationship. im afraid my

mind games are going to hurt us more and more the longer i spend unable to " get

over " my food issues.

>

> *i've put everything on hold in my life because of my weight for the millionth

time in my life. i cant work, study, or even relax any more. all i think about

is food and how im going to fix my problem.

>

> Each day I fight a war. One side is angry that I wasted all my teens and now

early twenties being fat and miserable when I could have been thin and

" enjoying " my life and the other side is angry that I've wasted so much sweat

and tears and time and love on such an insignificant aspect of what it means to

be me. Therapy has not solved this. Journaling has not solved this. Even when I

was semi-normal with food I still had my desire to be thin and perfect resting

in the corner waiting for me to finally fulfill my potential. I am

simultaneously unwilling to suffer from ed while also unwilling to continue

carrying all this weight and being unhappy and unhealthy.

>

> And to add to all that. I'm especially anxious of all this food and weight

noise in my head because I'll be living on my own in Japan and it is the perfect

opportunity for me to fall back into old behaviors yet again. This is the last

thing that I want!

>

> tl;dr Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this kind of pressure and

successfully living on your own in a healthy way?

>