Re: not sure how to label this -- but it is long and protracted.

April 8, 2004

Elle,

Thank you. That was very poignant. I think I should expound on

my " succuss " . Unlike you, I do not ever expect to be in a loving

marriage, " living together " forever and ever. I envy you that!

Meanwhile, I eat a very restricted diet in order to NEVER have bowel

issues. I am mostly successful in that area. However, there was an

incident of nocturnal incontinence that devastated me. Crushed me.

I can't imagine trying to build a relationship and having that

happen. So I will stay physically alone forever, something I did

not foresee. I can't say it doesn't sadden me, because it does.

This is merely my new reality. The way things are. I do not feel

resentment that I cannot eat white bread or other tempting foods.

It is just the way things are now. I accept it.

Anyway, we all can and should count our blessings. I know I do. I

have a great, if lonely, life. So be it.

Marta

April 8, 2004

this was a great post that i hope everyone reads. take care amber

not sure how to label this -- but it is long

and protracted.

Mostly these days I sit back and just listen and don't add a lot of input.

Partly, it's because I am terribly busy with very little time.

The other reason that I tend to stand back is because there appears to be a

lot of emphasis on how tiny people have grown. Well, I just haven't. I remain

as large as some of you were PREVIOUS to your surgery. Now trust me... the DS

was a miracle for me! I am very happy to be alive and really quite healthy!

However, to this day, I would still qualify for the DS surgery.

Although I rejoice with people over their amazing successes and their teeny

tiny bodies, it also sometimes causes me pain that I will never share that

degree of success. I have watched the discussion over people looking at others

with feelings of revulsion. Well, maybe that's a bit strong of a word, but you

know what I mean. I listen about people who hand out cards to people about the

DS surgery... and I think how horrified I would be if someone walked up to me

with a card and let me know if I only had this surgery that I would have a whole

new life! (I tell people about the DS surgery whenever the subject comes up or

seems warranted. I tell people about the fact I have had weight loss surgery...

and it has wrought a miracle in my life... and then share pertinent information

of where they too could find out about it if they ask.)

Although I did not have any major complications with the DS, I sometimes feel

there is a lack of tolerance for people who DO have complications! Sometimes I

feel like people almost look down on them for not being more successful. Now...

I think MOST people are very supportive... but there is a waft of lack of

tolerance. (Interestingly, there appears to be more support for complications

of the TT than there are for people who have complications from the initial DS

surgery!)

I don't believe the DS is the panacea for weight loss surgery. In fact, I

believe someday we will view it as little better than crude Middle Ages

medicine! Trust me... I am MOST grateful for the DS! And... I just happen to

think that I live in the Middle Ages of weight loss medicine! (Just everything

before this goes back to the cave man!)

I worry about people who just barely make it into the category which would

allow them to have the DS. If they don't have co-morbidities, I personally

would not be pushing the DS. (That's me... but then, remember, I have a fantasy

that we are going to expand past the Middle Ages!) Once co-morbidities

complicate life, then I would encourage it. OTOH, it doesn't mean that I would

discourage the DS! It is a VERY personal decision. I think we each have our own

miracle.

For me, the DS has lifelong consequences. I have to worry in everything I do

whether I have a bathroom readily accessible. I will probably NEVER go camping

again. I will not plan trips to people's homes that do not have more than one

bathroom. I got in a heated discussion with my brother because he wanted to

remove a toilet in my mother's home for a couple of days while I was there...

(leaving me to share a single toilet with six other people).

I have soiled my pants on more than one occasion... including in my work site.

But I persist in living my life. Yet, for someone who wants to DS, I will tell

them about the complications that I live with. I also tell them that my case is

more difficult than others!

It frustrates me when I see people discount the complications of the DS (or

any surgery!) People die from this surgery. People we know and love have died

from this surgery. It doesn't mean that the risk may not be worth it. I

certainly looked long and hard at the DS surgery. I paid out of pocket for the

DS when my insurance would have paid for the RNY because I believed the DS

offered me the most successful outcome... but it doesn't mean that I didn't

count the cost. I did. And the concern was not the money in my pocket... it

was about the risks. In my book, they were worth it. However, please don't

discount that people die from this surgery. My belief is that they sacrified

their life that I might live mine.

Reflections....

Elle

DS 2-7-2004

-130

April 8, 2004

we must remember that every day is anew and that were we are today and were we

will be a year or 2,3,4,5 from now holds promise of happiness and heartbreak as

well as plain old ordinary days.

Marta you are one of the people on this board that helped me so much with my

life changing decisions (the decisions are always there to be made even after

the ds) so thank you and take care amber

Re: not sure how to label this -- but it is

long and protracted.