Re: Has suicide ever entered your head?

February 9, 2004

Steve it can be real bad the pain is unbearable I know,and I have been in your spot for sure(just other night when I had the news another flare was comin thought to myself how easy would it be just to turn the wheel into the ditch yep I have thought about it).But I think of all the things I would be missing out on 1.I love my family and the time I spend with all of them 2.long slow kisses on a hot summer night 3.all the great movies I have yet to see ect. ect.Also trust me it wont all be pain and agony your gonna get better I believe that allot of the bad stuff is posted on the internet and not so much of the optimistic side.Plus I have been through the suicides of two uncles of mine who I loved dearly they were like brothers to me (and I know first hand the pain I went through dealing with that and wouldn't want to cause any1 that kind of hurt BECAUSE IT STILL HURTS TO THIS DAY REALLY BAD so hang in there but yeah heck sure have thought about it bud and no I dont believe your morbid at all I would place a bet that at least 99% of us have at least thought about it for sure.Of course these are only words but try think of all that you would be missin not just the PAIN. Take care. d.Canada

Has suicide ever entered your head?

Sorry for being a bit morbid ...

I'm 24 and this is my 2nd relapse since it started in 1999. I keep reading (due to my own stupidity) about Stills and RA (I have Still's Disease) on the internet .. BOY - The internet is THE most pesimistic place to ever research an illness.

After I read a bit about what my future has in store (damaged organs, worn out joints), it often reduces me to tears and I can't sleep at night due to worry.

As I said I am only 24. My onset I was on steroids for 18 months and I thought I would get better and that would be it. This relapse is just as bad and its been 8 months and my CRP is still sky high. I really dont see any bright future for me and I've already pretty much agreed with myself that I will give it until I cant take the depression anymore.

I mean who would want to live with pain when they are only 24? I could have this for another 50 years (although the internet assures me that I will die early anyway). I really dont see the point ... All I have to look forward to is becoming disfigured ... probably in a wheel chair eventually, and excrutiating pain - I think I could do without it ... I'd much prefer to be in a box.

Some will say I am a bit gutless but if I don't improve I know 1 thing - I won't be living with the illness for much longer.

My consultant says Stills Disease can 'burn out' - although I see no reference to this on the internet.

SteveVisit the Still's Disease Message Boardhttp://disc.server.com/Indices/148599.htmlThe materials and information contained in this message are not intended to replace the services of a trained health professional or to be a substitute for medical advice of physicians and/or other health care professionals. The International Still's Disease Foundation is not engaged in rendering medical or professional medical services. You should consult your physician on specific medical questions, particularly in matters requiring diagnosis or medical attention. The International Still's Disease Foundation makes no representations or warranties with respect to any treatment, action, application, medication or preparation by any person following the information offered or provided within this support form. ion by any person following the information offered or provided within this support form.

February 9, 2004

Steve it can be real bad the pain is unbearable I know,and I have been in your spot for sure(just other night when I had the news another flare was comin thought to myself how easy would it be just to turn the wheel into the ditch yep I have thought about it).But I think of all the things I would be missing out on 1.I love my family and the time I spend with all of them 2.long slow kisses on a hot summer night 3.all the great movies I have yet to see ect. ect.Also trust me it wont all be pain and agony your gonna get better I believe that allot of the bad stuff is posted on the internet and not so much of the optimistic side.Plus I have been through the suicides of two uncles of mine who I loved dearly they were like brothers to me (and I know first hand the pain I went through dealing with that and wouldn't want to cause any1 that kind of hurt BECAUSE IT STILL HURTS TO THIS DAY REALLY BAD so hang in there but yeah heck sure have thought about it bud and no I dont believe your morbid at all I would place a bet that at least 99% of us have at least thought about it for sure.Of course these are only words but try think of all that you would be missin not just the PAIN. Take care. d.Canada

Has suicide ever entered your head?

Sorry for being a bit morbid ...

I'm 24 and this is my 2nd relapse since it started in 1999. I keep reading (due to my own stupidity) about Stills and RA (I have Still's Disease) on the internet .. BOY - The internet is THE most pesimistic place to ever research an illness.

After I read a bit about what my future has in store (damaged organs, worn out joints), it often reduces me to tears and I can't sleep at night due to worry.

As I said I am only 24. My onset I was on steroids for 18 months and I thought I would get better and that would be it. This relapse is just as bad and its been 8 months and my CRP is still sky high. I really dont see any bright future for me and I've already pretty much agreed with myself that I will give it until I cant take the depression anymore.

I mean who would want to live with pain when they are only 24? I could have this for another 50 years (although the internet assures me that I will die early anyway). I really dont see the point ... All I have to look forward to is becoming disfigured ... probably in a wheel chair eventually, and excrutiating pain - I think I could do without it ... I'd much prefer to be in a box.

Some will say I am a bit gutless but if I don't improve I know 1 thing - I won't be living with the illness for much longer.

My consultant says Stills Disease can 'burn out' - although I see no reference to this on the internet.

SteveVisit the Still's Disease Message Boardhttp://disc.server.com/Indices/148599.htmlThe materials and information contained in this message are not intended to replace the services of a trained health professional or to be a substitute for medical advice of physicians and/or other health care professionals. The International Still's Disease Foundation is not engaged in rendering medical or professional medical services. You should consult your physician on specific medical questions, particularly in matters requiring diagnosis or medical attention. The International Still's Disease Foundation makes no representations or warranties with respect to any treatment, action, application, medication or preparation by any person following the information offered or provided within this support form. ion by any person following the information offered or provided within this support form.

February 9, 2004

Hi Steve,

Yes it is true that *some* who are diagnosed with AOSD will get the full force

of the disease and that is why you read about so much of the negative "stuff"

when researching information. Most who deal with Stills however do *not* get

to the point of needing to use a wheelchair and be in constant pain the rest of

their lives. many do go into complete no med remissions, and many go into

remissions with meds.

If you have ever read all of the possible side effects of a medication (no matter

what the med) you'd probably be almost too scared to take the stuff. My doctor

told me to stop reading everything on the meds I take as the *possible* side-

effects scare the heck out of me. When I was on Methotrexate (cancer med)

for instance..the side effects almost scared me to the point of not taking the

med. Yet this med did help to bring my sed rate down to normal limits. People

who are prescribed the MTX for Cancer sometimes are given many 100's of

mgs. I was on 8.

As to your question about suicide...yes Steve, I have thought of suicide many

times over the years. However, for one thing..I could not do that to my family,

another thing is....alhtough I was very active before the disease came along,

and there were many things I could no longer do.. I felt "life as I knew it was

over anyway....what did I even *want* to live for?" I'd feel better and then the

"suicide thoughts" would go away. Then when I'd flare and be in horrific pain

they would come back. Over the years I have come to appreciate so many

things that I used to take for granted...such as the endless beauty this world

has to offer us! Flowers, trees, birds, animals, sunsets, seasons, etc. etc.

I used to be a "runner." I loved running...then came the time I couldn't walk

without a cane (sometimes even a wheelchair was needed) depression

came to visit often. I did get my right knee replaced, and once again could

walk without assitance. Now, I am thrilled to be able to walk..I don't need

to run. Both shoulders have been replaced also. But, thanks to newer meds

and more agressive measuresmost doctors and patients are taking, joint

replacements may not be needed so often if at all.

Many years have passed, I am now in my 60's, and have had AOSD since

I was 31. It took almost 16 years for a diagnosis. I see a rhuemy at The

Mayo Clinic in Minnesota...he has told me that the disease has in fact

"burned itself out," and the pain I do experience at times is from damage

from the disease due to the fact that I wasn't diagnosed for so long. I have

many good days, and I am happy and very blessed to "be here," with my

husband and children, and my wonderful (couldn't do without them) Stills

family! Suicide would not have been the answer for me, and it's not for you

either.

No one should have to live in severe constant pain Steve. If you are, then

please tell your doctor or ask to be referred to a Pain Clinic. As for being

depressed...that's normal when one has a disease such as we do..many

of us need and take antidepressants. Ask your doctor about that too. It's

important to deal with our emotions also.

Stay with us Steve..this is a support group and we need you here, just let

us know how you are feeling and we will help you get through these rough

times...better times are ahead..please believe that.

(((((((((((((((a hug for Steve)))))))))))))))))))

from Wisconsin U.S.A.

Tricia

-- Has suicide ever entered your head?

Sorry for being a bit morbid ...

I'm 24 and this is my 2nd relapse since it started in 1999. I keep reading (due to my own stupidity) about Stills and RA (I have Still's Disease) on the internet .. BOY - The internet is THE most pesimistic place to ever research an illness.

After I read a bit about what my future has in store (damaged organs, worn out joints), it often reduces me to tears and I can't sleep at night due to worry.

As I said I am only 24. My onset I was on steroids for 18 months and I thought I would get better and that would be it. This relapse is just as bad and its been 8 months and my CRP is still sky high. I really dont see any bright future for me and I've already pretty much agreed with myself that I will give it until I cant take the depression anymore.

I mean who would want to live with pain when they are only 24? I could have this for another 50 years (although the internet assures me that I will die early anyway). I really dont see the point ... All I have to look forward to is becoming disfigured ... probably in a wheel chair eventually, and excrutiating pain - I think I could do without it ... I'd much prefer to be in a box.

Some will say I am a bit gutless but if I don't improve I know 1 thing - I won't be living with the illness for much longer.

My consultant says Stills Disease can 'burn out' - although I see no reference to this on the internet.

Steve

February 9, 2004