Guest guest Posted July 17, 2007 Report Share Posted July 17, 2007 In a message dated 7/17/2007 5:41:07 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, onthecusp2001@... writes: This morning at the supermarket i avoided eye contact with a check outwoman who had been unfriendly in the past.At the end she wanted to attract my attention to the last product onthe belt and she asked me: Is this yours? And I said yes.I man a person like that who has to keep her eyes on her desk is notcertainly happy about everything of eyecontact. A lot of people don't like it when you don't make eye contact with them. As far as I am concerned, that is too bad. I consider eye contact not to be friendly social interaction, but a Trial of Dominance, especially with men. That is to say, the first to break eye contact ends up being considered in inferior position, dominated by the winner. At times, I have held eye contact with other men and seen them really want to look away, but they won't, probably because of the dominance thing. If I looked away first, I noticed that a tension would go out of them and they would become more friendly. If they looked away first, they tended to remain a little more tense and not quite so friendly. Therefore, I avoid the whole issue and only make eye contact when meeting and shaking hands, as is proper etiquette. Beyond that, I look at their eyes now and then, but never sustain it, so they know that I an listening, but not playing the game. Most people get used to that though. Now, I will make eye contact if they make me angry or, if in a business situation they have displeased me, whether that be boss or underling. They really don't like that because of the intensity in my eyes, so I don't often use that. My mother often says that she sometimes plays the angry routine, but she can get away with it since she looked like the angry old lady. When I pull the angry routine, people tend to get scared, so I try not to. "I also noticed that the way i move about the shop with all the peoplerunning in different directions has to do with my coordination andthat i don't have to look people in the eye or stare in the face.Or stare at a mole, or look into their shopping carts.Or wonder if they are single." Same here for the most part. I'm reasonably agile when I choose to be, but most of the time I don't seem so. Dodging through a crowd is usually not a problem, but I can't catch a ball or the like to save my life. I don't look people in the face or eye either, at least not for more than an instant. Again, it is the dominance thing and I have seen people get nervous if they are stared at. So, if I get caught looking, I'll either smile and nod a greeting and look away and don't look back, which usually ends the matter, or just look away and focus on something else so I don't look that way again. It is all rather complicated, this looking thing. A while back there was a young girl, like 12 or so, with a shirt that had places listed on the back and some were circled. I was looking at that, but looked up and saw the mother giving me a mean look. I was reading the shirt, but I'm sure she thought I was molester or something, given how the media has been hyping such stories for the last couple of years. All it took was to ask about the shirt and if they had been to those places, and saying that I had been to one as well, to ease her up, and then going about my business. You can look at a person wrong these days and get challenged to a fight, merely for a glance. You can also send other "signals" that get crossed. So, I think not looking or not getting caught looking, is the safest bet. What you do is normally what I do. If I am talking to someone, I will look usually at the tip of their nose, between the eyebrows or their chin. I don't stare at one for too long because they might think there is something wrong there and get worried about their appearance. But most people that know me know that I don't make eye contact and don't take it personally, and most strangers aren't talked to long enough to make it an issue. PS: Your English is pretty good, much better than I ever was at a foreign language. Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 17, 2007 Report Share Posted July 17, 2007 I like that expression face blindness as i learn in a recent post This morning at the supermarket i avoided eye contact with a check out woman who had been unfriendly in the past. At the end she wanted to attract my attention to the last product on the belt and she asked me: Is this yours? And I said yes. I man a person like that who has to keep her eyes on her desk is not certainly happy about everything of eyecontact. My as male and an aspie I am not good at multitasking, so this morning i kept it really simple. I also noticed that the way i move about the shop with all the people running in different directions has to do with my coordination and that i don't have to look people in the eye or stare in the face. Or stare at a mole, or look into their shopping carts. Or wonder if they are single. This so much from an undiagnosed aspie who at 46 tries to cope with daily life without a job and very little professional help. But i am waiting for the result of my diagnosis with more or less impatience. thanks folks and moderators claude b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2007 Report Share Posted July 22, 2007 I didn't realize my eye contact was poor/not good until quite a few people pointed out such to me. I often find that when it comes to transactions involving money (at the check out and such) that the other person is seeking out eye contact - I must admit I find that a little annoying. Also when people come into a room, often I observe that most scan for eye contact, whereas when I go into a room I scan the positioning - my escape routes and the optimum place for me to be. When I am scanning a room, people tend to get scanned as movable (and sometimes noisy) objects - I note where they are and where they are likely to congregate - if I see someone I know I will just make a mental note of it and may say hello later or make some aknowledgement of having seen them (but I don't always recognise people, even those I know especially if I not expecting to see them). I will make some eye contact with people I know well and particularly if I know they would like and appreciate such. I will also make eye contact if I am putting across a point/opinion I feel strongly about and then it is usually to assert that I am not likely to back down. A lot of eye contact is threatening in my opinion, or at least feels it and as much as people say they want eye contact I realise often it makes them uncomfortable when I do give it. In crowded places I just try to stick to the less crowded areas - in such situations I am fairly anxious I don't like looking at people - far too many eyes, far too much to process. Something I have noticed and think I have mentioned on this forum years ago is I still seem to get followed around the shop by store security - I obviously must look different or shifty in some way as this seems to consistently happen and it does annoy me at times. They usually look embarrassed when I look at them though and wander off. Oh there have also being times I have been more or less 'zooned out' just staring, but not seeing and then I have felt someones directed prescence and realised I just happened to be looking in someones direction and now they are staring at me. I cannot gauge people's looks and find such scary - so I try to avoid 'zooning out' where my eye gaze may inadvertedly end up being misinterpretted. > > > In a message dated 7/17/2007 5:41:07 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, > onthecusp2001@... writes: > > This morning at the supermarket i avoided eye contact with a check out > woman who had been unfriendly in the past. > > At the end she wanted to attract my attention to the last product on > the belt and she asked me: Is this yours? And I said yes. > > I man a person like that who has to keep her eyes on her desk is not > certainly happy about everything of eyecontact. > > > > A lot of people don't like it when you don't make eye contact with them. As > far as I am concerned, that is too bad. I consider eye contact not to be > friendly social interaction, but a Trial of Dominance, especially with men. That > is to say, the first to break eye contact ends up being considered in inferior > position, dominated by the winner. At times, I have held eye contact with > other men and seen them really want to look away, but they won't, probably > because of the dominance thing. If I looked away first, I noticed that a tension > would go out of them and they would become more friendly. If they looked away > first, they tended to remain a little more tense and not quite so friendly. > > Therefore, I avoid the whole issue and only make eye contact when meeting > and shaking hands, as is proper etiquette. Beyond that, I look at their eyes now > and then, but never sustain it, so they know that I an listening, but not > playing the game. Most people get used to that though. > > Now, I will make eye contact if they make me angry or, if in a business > situation they have displeased me, whether that be boss or underling. They really > don't like that because of the intensity in my eyes, so I don't often use > that. My mother often says that she sometimes plays the angry routine, but she > can get away with it since she looked like the angry old lady. When I pull the > angry routine, people tend to get scared, so I try not to. > > " I also noticed that the way i move about the shop with all the people > running in different directions has to do with my coordination and > that i don't have to look people in the eye or stare in the face. > Or stare at a mole, or look into their shopping carts. > Or wonder if they are single. " > > > Same here for the most part. I'm reasonably agile when I choose to be, but > most of the time I don't seem so. Dodging through a crowd is usually not a > problem, but I can't catch a ball or the like to save my life. I don't look > people in the face or eye either, at least not for more than an instant. Again, > it is the dominance thing and I have seen people get nervous if they are stared > at. So, if I get caught looking, I'll either smile and nod a greeting and > look away and don't look back, which usually ends the matter, or just look away > and focus on something else so I don't look that way again. > > It is all rather complicated, this looking thing. A while back there was a > young girl, like 12 or so, with a shirt that had places listed on the back and > some were circled. I was looking at that, but looked up and saw the mother > giving me a mean look. I was reading the shirt, but I'm sure she thought I was > molester or something, given how the media has been hyping such stories for > the last couple of years. All it took was to ask about the shirt and if they > had been to those places, and saying that I had been to one as well, to ease > her up, and then going about my business. You can look at a person wrong these > days and get challenged to a fight, merely for a glance. > > You can also send other " signals " that get crossed. So, I think not looking > or not getting caught looking, is the safest bet. > > What you do is normally what I do. If I am talking to someone, I will look > usually at the tip of their nose, between the eyebrows or their chin. I don't > stare at one for too long because they might think there is something wrong > there and get worried about their appearance. But most people that know me know > that I don't make eye contact and don't take it personally, and most > strangers aren't talked to long enough to make it an issue. > > > > PS: Your English is pretty good, much better than I ever was at a foreign > language. > > > > ************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all- new AOL at > http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 23, 2007 Report Share Posted July 23, 2007 " Something I have noticed and think I have mentioned on this forum years ago is I still seem to get followed around the shop by store security - I obviously must look different or shifty in some way as this seems to consistently happen and it does annoy me at times. They usually look embarrassed when I look at them though and wander off. " I have the opposite problem. People tend to come to me to " guard " them if they feel unsafe, and I know why this is. Because of my Aspieness, I tend to look stern. One time during winter I was driving back from Canada (where I was visiting with Raven) and got caught in a blizzard in Michigan. It was a white out. Four inches of snow on the expressway. I pulled over into a rest area, where there was at least 6 inches on the ground. A woman had pulled in and she and I were the only two in the rest area, aside from some truckers who must have been asleep in their cabs and probably an on site maintenance person who did not seem to be present. She told me she was scraed and did not know where to go or what to do. I told her to stay in the rest area and wait it out. She wanted me to stay there with her but I had to get home. " Oh there have also being times I have been more or less 'zooned out' just staring, but not seeing and then I have felt someones directed prescence and realised I just happened to be looking in someones direction and now they are staring at me. I cannot gauge people's looks and find such scary - so I try to avoid 'zooning out' where my eye gaze may inadvertedly end up being misinterpretted. " " Zoning out " can also make people believe you are on drugs sometimes and experiencing a high. When I zone out, it is usually because I " need " to, although it happens involuntarily. Sometimes I am not even aware that I am doing it. Tom Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 23, 2007 Report Share Posted July 23, 2007 " Something I have noticed and think I have mentioned on this forum years ago is I still seem to get followed around the shop by store security - I obviously must look different or shifty in some way as this seems to consistently happen and it does annoy me at times. They usually look embarrassed when I look at them though and wander off. " I have the opposite problem. People tend to come to me to " guard " them if they feel unsafe, and I know why this is. Because of my Aspieness, I tend to look stern. One time during winter I was driving back from Canada (where I was visiting with Raven) and got caught in a blizzard in Michigan. It was a white out. Four inches of snow on the expressway. I pulled over into a rest area, where there was at least 6 inches on the ground. A woman had pulled in and she and I were the only two in the rest area, aside from some truckers who must have been asleep in their cabs and probably an on site maintenance person who did not seem to be present. She told me she was scraed and did not know where to go or what to do. I told her to stay in the rest area and wait it out. She wanted me to stay there with her but I had to get home. " Oh there have also being times I have been more or less 'zooned out' just staring, but not seeing and then I have felt someones directed prescence and realised I just happened to be looking in someones direction and now they are staring at me. I cannot gauge people's looks and find such scary - so I try to avoid 'zooning out' where my eye gaze may inadvertedly end up being misinterpretted. " " Zoning out " can also make people believe you are on drugs sometimes and experiencing a high. When I zone out, it is usually because I " need " to, although it happens involuntarily. Sometimes I am not even aware that I am doing it. Tom Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 In a message dated 7/30/2007 11:06:36 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, mnmimi@... writes: I do this. people talk to me when I am in this state and sometimes i don't respond, or I am shocked that anyone has appeared. i do this in the shower, as in my shower many of the worlds ills are cured in a matter of minutes, whole movies occur I write books etc. Scary huh? Missed the zoning out comment the first time through. I do this a lot too. There have been times where people have talked to me and such and I haven't heard them. Embarrassing what it happens in class or something like that. On the other hand, it can be useful. Sometimes I can enter a state where I am sort of aware of the outside world, but am focused on something else, like reading or playing a game. The effect of that is that while I know what is going on as it happens, it doesn't seem to make it to memory. So, if I am waiting for the train, for example, and I am in a safe spot far enough away for voices not to bother me too much, the hours spent waiting are not remembered in any detail, so it is if they didn't happen. Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 > " Zoning out " can also make people believe you are on drugs sometimes > and experiencing a high. When I zone out, it is usually because > I " need " to, although it happens involuntarily. Sometimes I am not > even aware that I am doing it. > > Tom > Administrator > I do this. people talk to me when I am in this state and sometimes i don't respond, or I am shocked that anyone has appeared. i do this in the shower, as in my shower many of the worlds ills are cured in a matter of minutes, whole movies occur I write books etc. Scary huh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 In a message dated 7/30/2007 5:51:00 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, julie.stevenson16@... writes: I find it quite painful being jolted out of being 'zoned out' though.Recently swimming I was pretty much zoned out, I was aware of other swimmers, as to avoid them and was just concentrating fully on swimming and just not having to interact with anyone - then some woman tapped me on the shoulder - it was painful being jolted out of the nice serene state I had been in and plus I dislike touch - especially unexpected - she then proceded to start talking to me :-( being social I guess. It can be startling to be jolted back to reality. Most people get a really dirty look from me when they do that. Thus far I have managed not to strike anyone, though it has sometimes come close. Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 I find it quite painful being jolted out of being 'zoned out' though. Recently swimming I was pretty much zoned out, I was aware of other swimmers, as to avoid them and was just concentrating fully on swimming and just not having to interact with anyone - then some woman tapped me on the shoulder - it was painful being jolted out of the nice serene state I had been in and plus I dislike touch - especially unexpected - she then proceded to start talking to me :-( being social I guess. > > > In a message dated 7/30/2007 11:06:36 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, > mnmimi@... writes: > > I do this. people talk to me when I am in this state and sometimes i > don't respond, or I am shocked that anyone has appeared. i do this in > the shower, as in my shower many of the worlds ills are cured in a > matter of minutes, whole movies occur I write books etc. Scary huh? > > > > Missed the zoning out comment the first time through. > > I do this a lot too. There have been times where people have talked to me > and such and I haven't heard them. Embarrassing what it happens in class or > something like that. > > On the other hand, it can be useful. Sometimes I can enter a state where I > am sort of aware of the outside world, but am focused on something else, like > reading or playing a game. The effect of that is that while I know what is > going on as it happens, it doesn't seem to make it to memory. So, if I am > waiting for the train, for example, and I am in a safe spot far enough away for > voices not to bother me too much, the hours spent waiting are not remembered in > any detail, so it is if they didn't happen. > > > > > > ************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all- new AOL at > http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 Oh btw she came up behind me - even worse. > > I find it quite painful being jolted out of being 'zoned out' though. > > Recently swimming I was pretty much zoned out, I was aware of other > swimmers, as to avoid them and was just concentrating fully on > swimming and just not having to interact with anyone - then some > woman tapped me on the shoulder - it was painful being jolted out of > the nice serene state I had been in and plus I dislike touch - > especially unexpected - she then proceded to start talking to me :- ( > being social I guess. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 " I do this in the shower, as in my shower many of the worlds ills are cured in a matter of minutes, whole movies occur I write books etc. Scary huh? " I will take long showers and baths if I know I will be uninterupted. With baths, I will fill up the tub with scalding hot water, get in, and not come out until the water is chilly. During that time, I think and think and think. Tom Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 " I find it quite painful being jolted out of being 'zoned out' though. " So do I. " Recently swimming I was pretty much zoned out, I was aware of other swimmers, as to avoid them and was just concentrating fully on swimming and just not having to interact with anyone - then some woman tapped me on the shoulder - it was painful being jolted out of the nice serene state I had been in and plus I dislike touch - especially unexpected - she then proceded to start talking to me :-( being social I guess. " I hate when that happens. Being zoned out is almost like a hypnotic state, but one where you can still function safely in the real world even as you dream. People have startled me out of this state and (in cases where they have touched me) not only was it physically painful, but it made me want to hit them. I have enough self-control that that would NEVER happen, but I can get that way when startled. Tom Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 In a message dated 7/31/2007 12:55:31 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes: I will take long showers and baths if I know I will be uninterupted. With baths, I will fill up the tub with scalding hot water, get in, and not come out until the water is chilly. During that time, I think and think and think. TomAdministrator I tend to lose track of time in the shower too. The tub here is too small to take a bath in comfortably, but the one at the place I stay in Alabama is very nice, so I usually do that rather than take showers. I will say that showers weren't always so relaxing. At the military school I attended, there were bathrooms one each floor. On one side of the hall were the toilets and the other the showers. In my barracks, that was a room about 10 feet by 10 feet or so, tiled in white with a door on one end and a window with frosted glass on the other. The shower heads were all along one wall, four of them, not much more than shoulder width apart, with hooks on the other walls for towels and bathrobes. Hard to enjoy a shower when you are bumping elbows with the guy next to you, or waiting to get rat tailed by a towel (usually didn't happen to me because they knew I knew how to make a good one and use it), or have cold water thrown on you. That and the water temperature rarely remained constant, falling and rising without warning. Then there was the lower school where everyone lined up to take showers at a certain time. The shower room was bigger with more shower heads, but the place was always full. Being on the top floor that year was especially fun since we tended to lose water pressure altogether now and then, which made learning to shower quickly very useful. As for the toilets, they were pretty much like the showers. In my barracks, there were elbow to elbow: three along one wall, plus a urinal and four on the other. At least in my company everyone kept the toilets clean and flushed. Not so in some of the other companies. My senior year I had a great luxury: a semi-private bathroom. I had pretty much my own toilet and shower. Too bad I had to share the suite with a company officer who was a jock and a pig. Too bad about him: I liked his father, a long service Marine officer. Very nice and squared away guy. Don't know what was wrong with his son. Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 In a message dated 7/31/2007 12:55:31 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes: I will take long showers and baths if I know I will be uninterupted. With baths, I will fill up the tub with scalding hot water, get in, and not come out until the water is chilly. During that time, I think and think and think. TomAdministrator I tend to lose track of time in the shower too. The tub here is too small to take a bath in comfortably, but the one at the place I stay in Alabama is very nice, so I usually do that rather than take showers. I will say that showers weren't always so relaxing. At the military school I attended, there were bathrooms one each floor. On one side of the hall were the toilets and the other the showers. In my barracks, that was a room about 10 feet by 10 feet or so, tiled in white with a door on one end and a window with frosted glass on the other. The shower heads were all along one wall, four of them, not much more than shoulder width apart, with hooks on the other walls for towels and bathrobes. Hard to enjoy a shower when you are bumping elbows with the guy next to you, or waiting to get rat tailed by a towel (usually didn't happen to me because they knew I knew how to make a good one and use it), or have cold water thrown on you. That and the water temperature rarely remained constant, falling and rising without warning. Then there was the lower school where everyone lined up to take showers at a certain time. The shower room was bigger with more shower heads, but the place was always full. Being on the top floor that year was especially fun since we tended to lose water pressure altogether now and then, which made learning to shower quickly very useful. As for the toilets, they were pretty much like the showers. In my barracks, there were elbow to elbow: three along one wall, plus a urinal and four on the other. At least in my company everyone kept the toilets clean and flushed. Not so in some of the other companies. My senior year I had a great luxury: a semi-private bathroom. I had pretty much my own toilet and shower. Too bad I had to share the suite with a company officer who was a jock and a pig. Too bad about him: I liked his father, a long service Marine officer. Very nice and squared away guy. Don't know what was wrong with his son. Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 In a message dated 7/31/2007 1:28:29 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes: I hate when that happens. Being zoned out is almost like a hypnotic state, but one where you can still function safely in the real world even as you dream. People have startled me out of this state and (in cases where they have touched me) not only was it physically painful, but it made me want to hit them. I have enough self-control that that would NEVER happen, but I can get that way when startled. TomAdministrator That is more of what I mean, having more of a fight than flight startle reflex. That was good in high school because it kept people from pranking me too much because they learned that jumping out at me was a good way to get punched in the face. It was purely reflex, but I did learn to control it. Good thing too since some of the faculty could move like cats, especially out special forces veteran. Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 In a message dated 7/31/2007 1:28:29 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes: I hate when that happens. Being zoned out is almost like a hypnotic state, but one where you can still function safely in the real world even as you dream. People have startled me out of this state and (in cases where they have touched me) not only was it physically painful, but it made me want to hit them. I have enough self-control that that would NEVER happen, but I can get that way when startled. TomAdministrator That is more of what I mean, having more of a fight than flight startle reflex. That was good in high school because it kept people from pranking me too much because they learned that jumping out at me was a good way to get punched in the face. It was purely reflex, but I did learn to control it. Good thing too since some of the faculty could move like cats, especially out special forces veteran. Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 In a message dated 7/31/2007 10:10:52 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, mnmimi@... writes: Over my lifetime people have done this type of thing, felt it ok to completely invade my personal space. I favor the American 3 feet rule. i hate to be crowded, and only tolerate it from my children and signif other. And at times i have wanted to run from that. If I become overwhelmed i have(that being rare) In an arguement I can become mute(silence is most dangerous) as it means I am furious The personal spaces vary from culture to culture. Some cultures it is impolite to get within arm's reach of someone else. In others, they stand almost nose to nose and often touch the person they are talking to. A lot of it has to do with the environment. People who live in more open, less crowded spaces, like rural areas or small towns, have larger personal spaces. Those who live in cities or crowded conditions have smaller personal spaces. As for myself, I don't like people getting within arm's reach of me. There are times when I can't help that, as when waiting in line or the occasional crowd, but I don't like it. If someone is talking to me, I will try to keep that distance. It is funny to see a look of puzzlement on someone's face when I take a step back from them if they get too close. Again, this is somewhat flexible, meaning that if the space is tight, I will put up with people being closer, though I won't like it. On the other hand, if it is someone I don't like the looks of, I keep them about 5 feet out. That is the distance inmates have to keep from prison guards because that is about the limit of human reaction. If a person starts an attack from 5 feet, that is the closest most human can be and still react to it in time. So, I would discretely size up and target the person I'm not trusting and keep that distance, and stay relaxed so they don't know I'm edgy. Haven't really had that problem since I started lifting weight a few years back and am bigger than I used to be. Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 In a message dated 7/31/2007 10:10:52 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, mnmimi@... writes: Over my lifetime people have done this type of thing, felt it ok to completely invade my personal space. I favor the American 3 feet rule. i hate to be crowded, and only tolerate it from my children and signif other. And at times i have wanted to run from that. If I become overwhelmed i have(that being rare) In an arguement I can become mute(silence is most dangerous) as it means I am furious The personal spaces vary from culture to culture. Some cultures it is impolite to get within arm's reach of someone else. In others, they stand almost nose to nose and often touch the person they are talking to. A lot of it has to do with the environment. People who live in more open, less crowded spaces, like rural areas or small towns, have larger personal spaces. Those who live in cities or crowded conditions have smaller personal spaces. As for myself, I don't like people getting within arm's reach of me. There are times when I can't help that, as when waiting in line or the occasional crowd, but I don't like it. If someone is talking to me, I will try to keep that distance. It is funny to see a look of puzzlement on someone's face when I take a step back from them if they get too close. Again, this is somewhat flexible, meaning that if the space is tight, I will put up with people being closer, though I won't like it. On the other hand, if it is someone I don't like the looks of, I keep them about 5 feet out. That is the distance inmates have to keep from prison guards because that is about the limit of human reaction. If a person starts an attack from 5 feet, that is the closest most human can be and still react to it in time. So, I would discretely size up and target the person I'm not trusting and keep that distance, and stay relaxed so they don't know I'm edgy. Haven't really had that problem since I started lifting weight a few years back and am bigger than I used to be. Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 During that time, I think > and think and think. > > Tom > Administrator > Yes i have told people that it isn't good to leave me alone to do this as usually this leads me to act on the thought or madly look up stuff on line or make a phone call etc. as in; " so what do you want to do about this problem? " " Ok I will go shower and get back to you on that " Once again: insane humor = mimi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 > " I find it quite painful being jolted out of being 'zoned out' though. " > > So do I. > mimi says: I had a contractor at my house, doing misc carpentry. I was wearing multiple shirts(no body heat) He reached over and used my shirt to clean his glasses. Over my lifetime people have done this type of thing, felt it ok to completely invade my personal space. I favor the American 3 feet rule. i hate to be crowded, and only tolerate it from my children and signif other. And at times i have wanted to run from that. If I become overwhelmed i have(that being rare) In an arguement I can become mute(silence is most dangerous) as it means I am furious But people interpret these as signs that they may come closer. As I am silent when in shock (as in the glasses cleaning) My reaction was to lean back but I was silent. The carpenter was not asked to return, I am sure he was confused why. But I have a hard time telling people to get away from me and so I use the zone out as protection too. If I do not interact, they are less likely to attack (as I see it) In some cases people have entered a public place and made a bee line strait for me (strangers) I have always assumed it is because I am least threatening. I don't go out much, it is easier Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 In a message dated 7/31/2007 4:00:15 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, mnmimi@... writes: Yikes communal privys are actually a bit of a fear of mine. If I utilize a public restroom, I feel a certain possetion over it and get very insulted if someone hovers over the door. I don't dally. I have a number of peculiarities. I never cared for the communal toilets either. The library and PX had private bathrooms, however, so that is usually where I went. Never could understand how the other guys didn't mind it though, just sitting there talking as naturally as if they were one the benches around the circle and not on toilets. Made me kind of nauseous. Aside from that, public toilets are a big hang up of mine too. Absolutely HATE the things, especially since most people are animals and leave a mess. "For instance is anyone else afraid to answer the phone or even listen to their messages. I have the fear that people will be upset with me and tell me on the phone. Or sometimes I am just really afraid even to read e-mail. I get anxious." The only things I worry about are telemarketers and stuff like that. What is really annoying is this one company that calls for my mother. Invariably they call during the day when she isn't home and they can't seem to grasp the concept of calling after 5 PM. They once put me on hold even, which really made me angry. So, I have my iPod on a Bose company stand near the phone. When they came back I had queued up one of the most revolting Gwar songs I have and asked them to hold while I went to get her. I turned on the player and left just listened to them, since my mother wasn't home anyway. They stayed on about 30 seconds or so before they hung up. Surprised they lasted that long. "Today I went out( I don't reccomend it ) I went to a craft/bead store to browse (I make semi-precious jewelry, very small things 2mm sometimes smaller) The owners attacked me to take a class ( I am self-taught) duh literally 4 people making me promise to show up later, as there would be others, and it would be fun. I envision a quilting bee setting with a lot of needless chatter. And they scared me. I actually started to feel oddly scared that these people were violent in there atttempt to have me return." I've had people annoy me about things like that. However, being male they don't push me too hard. Usually I stop by a place like that to get things for my mother class or something like that. What is annoying is when the clerks try to push the different specials and such. I've threatened to walk out a few times when they wouldn't shut up. I don't like being rude, but I can be pushed too far. "I am still oddly shaken. Imagine being in a foreign market and you are the first customer of the day. (many shop owners think it bad luck if the first shopper buys nothing, so they can become desperate and even demanding that you buy something) It felt like that" I don't like just browsing in a place, so that cuts down on how many shops I will go in to. I always like to buy a little something. Also, if I go to a place to use the bathroom, I'll always buy a drink or something, not viewing it as fair just to use the facilities and not buy something. Gas stations and the like are excluded from that since that is part of the reason they are there, and the bathrooms are usually so nasty they deserve to have the health department called, not get paid. "It is times like that that I remember why I don't go out, I like little laid back easy places where people keep to themselves and after 6 months of going to the same place you learn the shop keepers name. (Like on the cape)" I used to go to a little restaurant not far from here. The food was ok, but the staff and owner's wife got too chatty. A little talk is ok, but don't hover at the table while I'm trying to eat. Now I just go to this barbeque place up the road, which is actually the first restaurant I ever went to, when I was 6 weeks old. Most of the old staff knows me and I actually went to school with the owner, she inherited the place from her grandfather, well I guess she co-owns it with her mother. They talk a little, but mostly leave you alone after taking your order and don't hover. Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 In a message dated 7/31/2007 4:00:15 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, mnmimi@... writes: Yikes communal privys are actually a bit of a fear of mine. If I utilize a public restroom, I feel a certain possetion over it and get very insulted if someone hovers over the door. I don't dally. I have a number of peculiarities. I never cared for the communal toilets either. The library and PX had private bathrooms, however, so that is usually where I went. Never could understand how the other guys didn't mind it though, just sitting there talking as naturally as if they were one the benches around the circle and not on toilets. Made me kind of nauseous. Aside from that, public toilets are a big hang up of mine too. Absolutely HATE the things, especially since most people are animals and leave a mess. "For instance is anyone else afraid to answer the phone or even listen to their messages. I have the fear that people will be upset with me and tell me on the phone. Or sometimes I am just really afraid even to read e-mail. I get anxious." The only things I worry about are telemarketers and stuff like that. What is really annoying is this one company that calls for my mother. Invariably they call during the day when she isn't home and they can't seem to grasp the concept of calling after 5 PM. They once put me on hold even, which really made me angry. So, I have my iPod on a Bose company stand near the phone. When they came back I had queued up one of the most revolting Gwar songs I have and asked them to hold while I went to get her. I turned on the player and left just listened to them, since my mother wasn't home anyway. They stayed on about 30 seconds or so before they hung up. Surprised they lasted that long. "Today I went out( I don't reccomend it ) I went to a craft/bead store to browse (I make semi-precious jewelry, very small things 2mm sometimes smaller) The owners attacked me to take a class ( I am self-taught) duh literally 4 people making me promise to show up later, as there would be others, and it would be fun. I envision a quilting bee setting with a lot of needless chatter. And they scared me. I actually started to feel oddly scared that these people were violent in there atttempt to have me return." I've had people annoy me about things like that. However, being male they don't push me too hard. Usually I stop by a place like that to get things for my mother class or something like that. What is annoying is when the clerks try to push the different specials and such. I've threatened to walk out a few times when they wouldn't shut up. I don't like being rude, but I can be pushed too far. "I am still oddly shaken. Imagine being in a foreign market and you are the first customer of the day. (many shop owners think it bad luck if the first shopper buys nothing, so they can become desperate and even demanding that you buy something) It felt like that" I don't like just browsing in a place, so that cuts down on how many shops I will go in to. I always like to buy a little something. Also, if I go to a place to use the bathroom, I'll always buy a drink or something, not viewing it as fair just to use the facilities and not buy something. Gas stations and the like are excluded from that since that is part of the reason they are there, and the bathrooms are usually so nasty they deserve to have the health department called, not get paid. "It is times like that that I remember why I don't go out, I like little laid back easy places where people keep to themselves and after 6 months of going to the same place you learn the shop keepers name. (Like on the cape)" I used to go to a little restaurant not far from here. The food was ok, but the staff and owner's wife got too chatty. A little talk is ok, but don't hover at the table while I'm trying to eat. Now I just go to this barbeque place up the road, which is actually the first restaurant I ever went to, when I was 6 weeks old. Most of the old staff knows me and I actually went to school with the owner, she inherited the place from her grandfather, well I guess she co-owns it with her mother. They talk a little, but mostly leave you alone after taking your order and don't hover. Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 > Yikes communal privys are actually a bit of a fear of mine. If I utilize a public restroom, I feel a certain possetion over it and get very insulted if someone hovers over the door. I don't dally. I have a number of peculiarities. For instance is anyone else afraid to answer the phone or even listen to their messages. I have the fear that people will be upset with me and tell me on the phone. Or sometimes I am just really afraid even to read e-mail. I get anxious. Today I went out( I don't reccomend it ) I went to a craft/bead store to browse (I make semi-precious jewelry, very small things 2mm sometimes smaller) The owners attacked me to take a class ( I am self-taught) duh literally 4 people making me promise to show up later, as there would be others, and it would be fun. I envision a quilting bee setting with a lot of needless chatter. And they scared me. I actually started to feel oddly scared that these people were violent in there atttempt to have me return. I am still oddly shaken. Imagine being in a foreign market and you are the first customer of the day. (many shop owners think it bad luck if the first shopper buys nothing, so they can become desperate and even demanding that you buy something) It felt like that It is times like that that I remember why I don't go out, I like little laid back easy places where people keep to themselves and after 6 months of going to the same place you learn the shop keepers name. (Like on the cape) My old employer used to call me radar. I would get him things before he asked me. It's funny I never minded being weird. it was lonely but I never minded, other people could never let me be and that is always when i had trouble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 > Yikes communal privys are actually a bit of a fear of mine. If I utilize a public restroom, I feel a certain possetion over it and get very insulted if someone hovers over the door. I don't dally. I have a number of peculiarities. For instance is anyone else afraid to answer the phone or even listen to their messages. I have the fear that people will be upset with me and tell me on the phone. Or sometimes I am just really afraid even to read e-mail. I get anxious. Today I went out( I don't reccomend it ) I went to a craft/bead store to browse (I make semi-precious jewelry, very small things 2mm sometimes smaller) The owners attacked me to take a class ( I am self-taught) duh literally 4 people making me promise to show up later, as there would be others, and it would be fun. I envision a quilting bee setting with a lot of needless chatter. And they scared me. I actually started to feel oddly scared that these people were violent in there atttempt to have me return. I am still oddly shaken. Imagine being in a foreign market and you are the first customer of the day. (many shop owners think it bad luck if the first shopper buys nothing, so they can become desperate and even demanding that you buy something) It felt like that It is times like that that I remember why I don't go out, I like little laid back easy places where people keep to themselves and after 6 months of going to the same place you learn the shop keepers name. (Like on the cape) My old employer used to call me radar. I would get him things before he asked me. It's funny I never minded being weird. it was lonely but I never minded, other people could never let me be and that is always when i had trouble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 1, 2007 Report Share Posted August 1, 2007 " For instance is anyone else afraid to answer the phone or even listen to their messages. I have the fear that people will be upset with me and tell me on the phone. Or sometimes I am just really afraid even to read e-mail. I get anxious. " I just don't like answering the phone. When I am home alone, if I do not feel like answering, I don't. I figure if it is important enough, someone will call back or leave a message. Then I can deal with them on my own time. Nothing says that we MUST answer the phone when it rings like some Pavlovian dog. We pay for the service, so we can do what we want with it. In my case, that means ignoring it. " My old employer used to call me radar. I would get him things before he asked me. It's funny I never minded being weird. it was lonely but I never minded, other people could never let me be and that is always when i had trouble. " I could always outguess what my boss was going to do next, unless my boss was unintelligent, in which case he or she would be unpredictable. Tom Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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