Annoying Small Talk WAS: The Weather

[Guest guest]

Article suggests: " 1. As you prepare for a function, come up with

three things to talk about as well as four generic questions that

will get others talking. If you've met the host before, try to

remember things about her, such as her passion for a sport or a

charity you're both involved in. "

People worth remembering are memorable, doing away with the

perceived need to remember things about them.

Article suggests: " 2. Be the first to say " Hello. " If you're not

sure the other person will remember you, offer your name to ease the

pressure. For example, " Bartlett? Lynn Schmidt -- good to

see you again. " Smile first and always shake hands when you meet

someone.

Shake hands? For some people any form of touch is painful. I much

prefer a slight nod of acknowledgement unless it is someone I

absolutely adore running in to (and those people are few and far

between).

Article suggests: " 3. Take your time during introductions. Make an

extra effort to remember names and use them frequently. "

People worth remembering are memorable; it's not any more difficult

than that.

Article suggests: " 4. Get the other person talking by leading with

a common ground statement regarding the event or location and then

asking a related open-ended question. For example, " Attendance looks

higher than last year, how long have you been coming to these

conventions? " You can also ask them about their trip in or how they

know the host. "

People love to talk about themselves naturally, so it doesn't take

any leading ... just a mild nudge in the general direction when

dealing with non-Aspies. In fact, non-Aspies will take off in all

manner of direction in conversations at social functions without any

nudging whatsoever.

Article suggests: " 5. Stay focused on your conversational partner

by actively listening and giving feedback. Maintain eye contact.

Never glance around the room while they are talking to you. "

With most Aspies, it's not going to happen this all-important eye

contact that is deemed to be so imperative to good conversation.

The assumption is that one cannot possibly remain focused on the

conversation or the conversational partner unless they are staring

that person straight in the face. What a silly assumption!

Article suggests: " 6. Listen more than you talk. "

Two ears, one mouth ... most Aspies I know subscribe to this

naturally. As observers, it's only natural that one would talk

less, listen more, and gather data meticulously.

Article suggests: " 7. Have something interesting to contribute.

Keeping abreast of current events and culture will provide you with

great conversation builders, leading with " What do you think

of ...? " " Have you heard ...? " " What is your take on ...? " Stay away

from negative or controversial topics, and refrain from long-winded

stories or giving a lot of detail in casual conversation.

It has been my experience that when an Aspie speaks up at a social

function, it's because they have something very interesting to

contribute. Otherwise, they say nothing for the most part.

Article suggests: " 8. If there are people you especially want to

meet, one of the best ways to approach them is to be introduced by

someone they respect. Ask a mutual friend to do the honors. "

If I want to meet someone, I will find that person, introduce myself

and get on with it. I would prefer someone be straight forward with

me rather than use another person as a foil to get my attention.

Article suggests: " 9. If someone hands you a business card, accept

it as a gift. Hold it in both hands and take a moment to read what

is written on it. When you're done, put it away in a shirt pocket,

purse or wallet to show it is valued. "

The author of this article has overlooked an important 'networking'

rule ... always EXCHANGE business cards, don't just ACCEPT business

cards. In fact, I always suggest to students in my Marketing

classes that they should give TWO business cards to the other person

with the suggestion that they keep one for themselves and pass the

other along to a friend or colleague who may be interested in what

you do as a profession. I also point out that unless the interest

is genuine when accepting a business card, do not feign interest.

It is unbecoming to the recipient of the card and demeaning to the

person giving the business card.

Article suggests: " 10. Watch your body language. People who look

ill at ease make others uncomfortable. Act confident and

comfortable, even when you're not. "

Worse than being uncomfortable is ACTING comfortable when indeed you

are not. In fact, you will make more mistakes with this facade than

if you just found a way to put yourself more at ease.

Article suggests: " 11. Before entering into a conversation that's

already in progress, observe and listen. You don't want to squash

the dynamics with an unsuited or ill-timed remark. "

Again, most Aspies in my experience are great observers and

listeners so this is something that comes with ease to most Aspies.

Article suggests: " 12. Have a few exit lines ready so that you can

both gracefully move on. For example, " I need to check in with a

client over there, " " I skipped lunch today, so I need to visit the

buffet, " or you can offer to refresh their drink. "

Or you can just leave. No one has ever given me a bad time over

just leaving a conversation. If this is a business function (and

based on what has been written in the article where business cards

are given out), no one will fault you for moving on to another

conversation or out of the room or leaving the function entirely.

I'm quite certain this is an excellent article for many non-Aspies

but personally, I find these sorts of articles insipid at best.

Hmmmm, perhaps I should post some of the handouts I have created for

my Marketing classes. LOL.

Raven