Re: I need to whine again (OT)

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 04/06/2000 4:33:17 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

agaw12577@... writes:

<< But one day they will grow up and then what? Who will I

be then? >>

you'll figure it out either before they grow up or after

or maybe never & find there really is no answer so enjoy today

I'm 51 and have one kid done and still haven't figured it out

Barb

who has no desire for a career anymore though I did enjoy the part-time

position I had for 22 years & probably should have been a doctor

[Guest guest]

Ok your a year or two younger than me...so no mid-life crisis ok??

Hey I work for a Senator and I make less than I did waiting tables. Your

still young and there are many things you can do. Please dont try to

concentrate on the dollar amount a career will bring either. If you really

love something there are often ways for you to make good money in it. YOU

KNOW....maybe it wouldnt be a bad idea to go to a career counselor or find an

online site for a test or something. Maybe that will give a few ideas. But,

whatever you decide it is not and does not have to be a life long decision.

My opinion is that life is too short to do just one thing. Think of a few

things you would like to do and them maybe arrange them somewhat in order of

what would be age appropriate. Like in my case, acting will be quite soon as

it is hard to break in to the game when you are older...and well me running

for Senate will be much later as it is hard to get elected when you are young.

You are young, beautiful, multi-talented and worth a million bucks, so who

cares what kind of paycheck you draw. Just dont feel like you are stuck in

the gorcery store...try to have fun while you are ther but please keep your

oprions and your eyes open for better thins...no matter where you are.

Love,

<< am having a half way to mid life crisis. It all started a few days ago

when

I was talking to my little brother. He is 20. He was telling me that he got

a

promotion at work and said he was making a lot of money. Out of curiosity, I

asked how much he made a year. It turns out that he is making 3x what my

husband and I combined make a year. I am so happy for him that he is doing

so

well with his company and he is so happy. He really loves his job. I love

him

so much, there is nothing I want more than for him to have a wonderful life.

With that said, I feel like such a loser. Not because I make less (ok, that

is part of it) but mostly because I have no idea what I want to do with my

life. I was the smart one in the family!!! I was the one everyone thought

would go on to become a doctor or something like that. Instead I had a baby

at 18. I don't regret having her, I love both of my kids with all of my

heart. But there are times that I feel like I have screwed up my whole life.

That sounds awful. I don't know how to explain what I am feeling without

having it sound like I regret my kids. I don't. Maybe it is the timing that

I

regret. Whenever I am feeling down, my friends and family give me the same

speech about how I have two beautiful kids and I am a great mom, etc. That

really doesn't make me feel better. I don't want my whole identity to be

being a mother. Gosh, that really sounded bad. I guess I just always thought

that I would have a career that I loved. Not working at a lame grocery store

struggling to keep our heads above water. I don't know what my problem is

today. It just seems like my life has no direction. I love being a Mom and

being with my kids. But one day they will grow up and then what? Who will I

be then? Sorry to be such a whiner. I just needed to vent. I think I am just

depressed because I missed Tae-Bo today because of my knee and feeling sick.

I don't mean to be such a cry baby. It has just been a rough day. I have to

go get ready for work now. I promise my next email won't contain any more

whining.

>>

[Guest guest]

~

I understand what you mean. Ok I love my kids too and I am glad that I had them, but then agan I am always thinking to myself...why don't I know what I want to do with my life? I know I want to go into the Marines, but what if for some reason they don't let me in? I am 26 and I have no clue as to what direction my life is going in. I know people who are 6 years younger then me and already have college degrees and everything, they know what they want to do. If I don't get into the Marines what will I do then? I just barely graduated from high school...I only went to college for a year. And that was last year. I know what you mean too by keeping your head above water...we barely do every month. Ok we have a web site..and yeah we make some money from it, but at times right now we have less then $5 in our checking account and I am thinking...where is the next check??? It gets frustrating. I should and need to get at least a part time job somewhere, but where we live they have terrible bus systems and I would have a hard time getting to and from any job...most jobs want you to have a car and we don't have one and then it is a loop...need a job to get a car, but need money to get a car.etc etc etc.....Add on top of that I have not dranken any water yet today....

I need to whine again (OT)

I am having a half way to mid life crisis. It all started a few days ago when I was talking to my little brother. He is 20. He was telling me that he got a promotion at work and said he was making a lot of money. Out of curiosity, I asked how much he made a year. It turns out that he is making 3x what my husband and I combined make a year. I am so happy for him that he is doing so well with his company and he is so happy. He really loves his job. I love him so much, there is nothing I want more than for him to have a wonderful life. With that said, I feel like such a loser. Not because I make less (ok, that is part of it) but mostly because I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I was the smart one in the family!!! I was the one everyone thought would go on to become a doctor or something like that. Instead I had a baby at 18. I don't regret having her, I love both of my kids with all of my heart. But there are times that I feel like I have screwed up my whole life. That sounds awful. I don't know how to explain what I am feeling without having it sound like I regret my kids. I don't. Maybe it is the timing that I regret. Whenever I am feeling down, my friends and family give me the same speech about how I have two beautiful kids and I am a great mom, etc. That really doesn't make me feel better. I don't want my whole identity to be being a mother. Gosh, that really sounded bad. I guess I just always thought that I would have a career that I loved. Not working at a lame grocery store struggling to keep our heads above water. I don't know what my problem is today. It just seems like my life has no direction. I love being a Mom and being with my kids. But one day they will grow up and then what? Who will I be then? Sorry to be such a whiner. I just needed to vent. I think I am just depressed because I missed Tae-Bo today because of my knee and feeling sick. I don't mean to be such a cry baby. It has just been a rough day. I have to go get ready for work now. I promise my next email won't contain any more whining.

[Guest guest]

agaw12577@... wrote:

>

> I am having a half way to mid life crisis. It all started a few days ago when

> I was talking to my little brother. He is 20. He was telling me that he got a

> promotion at work and said he was making a lot of money. Out of curiosity, I

> asked how much he made a year. It turns out that he is making 3x what my

> husband and I combined make a year. I am so happy for him that he is doing so

> well with his company and he is so happy. He really loves his job. I love him

> so much, there is nothing I want more than for him to have a wonderful life.

> With that said, I feel like such a loser. Not because I make less (ok, that

> is part of it) but mostly because I have no idea what I want to do with my

> life. I was the smart one in the family!!! I was the one everyone thought

> would go on to become a doctor or something like that. Instead I had a baby

> at 18. I don't regret having her, I love both of my kids with all of my

> heart. But there are times that I feel like I have screwed up my whole life.

> That sounds awful. I don't know how to explain what I am feeling without

> having it sound like I regret my kids. I don't. Maybe it is the timing that I

> regret. Whenever I am feeling down, my friends and family give me the same

> speech about how I have two beautiful kids and I am a great mom, etc. That

> really doesn't make me feel better. I don't want my whole identity to be

> being a mother. Gosh, that really sounded bad. I guess I just always thought

> that I would have a career that I loved. Not working at a lame grocery store

> struggling to keep our heads above water. I don't know what my problem is

> today. It just seems like my life has no direction. I love being a Mom and

> being with my kids. But one day they will grow up and then what? Who will I

> be then? Sorry to be such a whiner. I just needed to vent. I think I am just

> depressed because I missed Tae-Bo today because of my knee and feeling sick.

> I don't mean to be such a cry baby. It has just been a rough day. I have to

> go get ready for work now. I promise my next email won't contain any more

> whining.

>

, whine as much as you need to. Do you know that I did not start

law school until I was 30? That I did not meet my husband until I was

33? What I'm trying to say is that your life is just beginning. It

will change and evolve, hopefully, with a little help from you, until

the day you die and that's a good thing. Right now you are raising two

young kids, taking care of a household, working to support your family,

and taking care of yourself emotionally and physically. That's a great

way to spend your time now.

Elena

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/6/00 6:52:37 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

etcarroll@... writes:

<< manda, whine as much as you need to. Do you know that I did not start

law school until I was 30? >>

Wow Elena! I never knew that about you. I often feel like it is too late for

me to accomplish certain things because I didn't start college right after

high school. Your post was a huge inspiration. Wow, I really feel a whole lot

better!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/6/00 10:09:50 PM Eastern Daylight Time, galofgop@...

writes:

<< You are young, beautiful, multi-talented and worth a million bucks, so who

cares what kind of paycheck you draw. Just dont feel like you are stuck in

the gorcery store...try to have fun while you are ther but please keep your

oprions and your eyes open for better thins...no matter where you are.

Love,

>>

Thanks . Maybe if acting doesn't work out you should become a

counselor?

You are good at making people feel better!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/6/00 11:45:46 PM Eastern Daylight Time, srferron@...

writes:

<< You can go to

school...get your undergrad degree parttime...go to medical school

(if that's what you want to do)...whatever. Occasionally, you might

have to zig where you would have thought to have zagged, but you can

find your way. I have no doubt you will.

Hugs.

;-)

F >>

Thanks ! I am just being lame. I think a lot of it has to do with the

fact that I work with a lot of young kids, 17-20 years old (I know I am not

much older than that, but I feel a lot older). They talk about their weekends

and how much they spent on clothes at the mall. I get kind of jealous, I

guess. I can't tell you the last time I went out on a Friday night or bought

myself an outfit from somewhere other than Kmart. On a happy note, my kids

will be grown and in college by the time I am 38. That leaves me plenty of

time to go out and travel and do all of the stuff I wish I could do now.

[Guest guest]

,

Nothing you said sounded terrible at all. Everytime any of us make a

choice, we give up something else...which could be good, bad, or

mixed. I think it's wonderful that you want an identity of your own,

separate from your role as mother. That does not, in any way,

diminish your devotion to your children. Having an identity of your

own sets a marvelous example for your children! You sound as though

your options are more limited than they really are. You can go to

school...get your undergrad degree parttime...go to medical school

(if that's what you want to do)...whatever. Occasionally, you might

have to zig where you would have thought to have zagged, but you can

find your way. I have no doubt you will.

Hugs.

;-)

F

> I am having a half way to mid life crisis. It all started a few

days ago when

> I was talking to my little brother. He is 20. He was telling me

that he got a

> promotion at work and said he was making a lot of money. Out of

curiosity, I

> asked how much he made a year. It turns out that he is making 3x

what my

> husband and I combined make a year. I am so happy for him that he

is doing so

> well with his company and he is so happy. He really loves his job.

I love him

> so much, there is nothing I want more than for him to have a

wonderful life.

> With that said, I feel like such a loser. Not because I make less

(ok, that

> is part of it) but mostly because I have no idea what I want to do

with my

> life. I was the smart one in the family!!! I was the one everyone

thought

> would go on to become a doctor or something like that. Instead I

had a baby

> at 18. I don't regret having her, I love both of my kids with all

of my

> heart. But there are times that I feel like I have screwed up my

whole life.

> That sounds awful. I don't know how to explain what I am feeling

without

> having it sound like I regret my kids. I don't. Maybe it is the

timing that I

> regret. Whenever I am feeling down, my friends and family give me

the same

> speech about how I have two beautiful kids and I am a great mom,

etc. That

> really doesn't make me feel better. I don't want my whole identity

to be

> being a mother. Gosh, that really sounded bad. I guess I just

always thought

> that I would have a career that I loved. Not working at a lame

grocery store

> struggling to keep our heads above water. I don't know what my

problem is

> today. It just seems like my life has no direction. I love being a

Mom and

> being with my kids. But one day they will grow up and then what?

Who will I

> be then? Sorry to be such a whiner. I just needed to vent. I think

I am just

> depressed because I missed Tae-Bo today because of my knee and

feeling sick.

> I don't mean to be such a cry baby. It has just been a rough day. I

have to

> go get ready for work now. I promise my next email won't contain

any more

> whining.

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 04/07/2000 7:15:29 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

j.clappison@... writes:

<< I have bad times too (and I'm

entitled to those too) but I just try not to get stuck in the bad times.

I have had some bad times, I have had some good times, I have had some FAB

times and that's what makes life interesting and makes me, ME!

So when someone says 'it's never too late to ...' believe them, I know it's

true >>

yup yup yup

(what she said)

Barb

who thinks Jill and both have *old souls*

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/6/00 3:33:12 PM Central Daylight Time, agaw12577@...

writes:

<< so much, there is nothing I want more than for him to have a wonderful

life.

With that said, I feel like such a loser. Not because I make less (ok, that

is part of it) but mostly because I have no idea what I want to do with my

life. I was the smart one in the family!!! I was the one everyone thought

would go on to become a doctor or something like that. Instead I had a baby

at 18. I don't regret having her, I love both of my kids with all of my

heart. But there are times that I feel like I have screwed up my whole life.

That sounds awful. I don't know how to explain what I am feeling without

having it sound like I regret my kids. I don't. Maybe it is the timing that

I

regret. Whenever I am feeling down, my friends and family give me the same

speech about how I have two beautiful kids and I am a great mom, etc. That

really doesn't make me feel better. I don't want my whole identity to be

being a mother. Gosh, that really sounded bad. I guess I just always thought

that I would have a career that I loved. Not working at a lame grocery store

struggling to keep our heads above water. I don't know what my problem is

today. It just seems like my life has no direction. I love being a Mom and

being with my kids. But one day they will grow up and then what? Who will I

be then? Sorry to be such a whiner. I just needed to vent. I think I am just

depressed because I missed Tae-Bo today because of my knee and feeling sick.

I don't mean to be such a cry baby. It has just been a rough day. I have to

go get ready for work now. I promise my next email won't contain any more

whining.

>>

AMANDA YOU HAVE TO RELIZE THAT YOUR CAREER AS A MOTHER IS A VERY THANKLESS

JOB ANY MOTHER WILL TELL YOU THE SAME ... YOU DONT GET PAID FOR IT AND IT IS

THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH .... I KNOW ALL TO WELL THAT

BILLS NEED TO GET PAID AND MEALS NEED TO BE PREPARED NOT TO MENTION THE

MOMENT THE HOUSE IS CLEANED A TORNADO COMES THROUGH AND DESTROYS EVERYTHING

AGAIN SO VENT VENT VENT A MOTHER NEED TO VENT EVERY NOW AND THEN AND I KNOW

I ENJOY HAVING SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO ME WHEN I NEED TO ............

ROMIE

WHO HAS GIVEN UP ON HOUSE CLEANING " NOT THAT I EVER LIKED HOUSE WORK "

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/7/00 9:45:01 AM Eastern Daylight Time, slowens@...

writes:

<<

who feels like is one of my long lost relatives >>

Thanks for the encouragement . I wonder if we were related in a former

life? LOL! I am definitely feeling better today. I can't wait for fall when I

start school again. I always feel better when I am in school. I know it isn't

too late to figure out what I want to do. I just wish I had SOME idea of what

I would like to do. I guess I have time to figure that out. Too bad I can't

make a career out of Tae-Bo

[Guest guest]

Whine as much as you need to, after all what are friends for?

It's never to late to start planning your personal future, or at least be

open to any opportunities that may arise.

I ended up out of work and couldn't get a job when I was 26, I literally

drifted into a local college course about computer's and within 2 weeks

decided I liked it, I have never looked back since.

Studying gave me something to hang on to through a shitty divorce, desperate

depression & a breakdown, because I knew it was MY only way to earn a

self-supporting decent future independent of anyone else (Men especially at

that time!).

After each course I tried to get work, but it was those bad years in the

late 80's so I just did the next higher course. Even after getting a degree

it was nearly a year later when I got my first 'career' job, but I'm so

lucky to have a decent income and a good life. I know I've worked hard, and

(am often told) I deserve it (esp because of the other things life has

thrown at me, but those are other stories) but I have bad times too (and I'm

entitled to those too) but I just try not to get stuck in the bad times.

I have had some bad times, I have had some good times, I have had some FAB

times and that's what makes life interesting and makes me, ME!

So when someone says 'it's never too late to ...' believe them, I know it's

true

Jill

In a message dated 4/6/00 6:52:37 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

etcarroll@... writes:

<< manda, whine as much as you need to. Do you know that I did not start

law school until I was 30? >>

Wow Elena! I never knew that about you. I often feel like it is too late for

me to accomplish certain things because I didn't start college right after

high school. Your post was a huge inspiration. Wow, I really feel a whole

lot

better!

[Guest guest]

<<yup yup yup

(what she said)

Barb

who thinks Jill and both have *old souls* >>>

Barb

That's freaky!!!

The number of different people have said that about me (even when I was a

child), or said 'an old head on young shoulders'

OK they don't say it so much now I'm older, and in fact are often suprised

when they find out just how old I am ;-) Occasionally, I'm just amazed

I've survived this long! (and thankful!)

Jill

who's got a BIG birthday this year, and doesn't know how best to celebrate

it! (yet *hehe*)

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/7/00 11:33:41 AM Eastern Daylight Time, slowens@...

writes:

<< ,

Who's to say you can't make a career out of tae-bo! I can't wait

until they announce how they will certify tae-bo instructors and when

they do, I will try every way I know how to be able to do it.

There's no reason you can't do the same thing! So, tae-bo may be in

your future...you never know

>>

That'd be so cool!!! Then you would have to move by me so we could open up a

studio

[Guest guest]

> With that said, I feel like such a loser. Not because I make less (ok,

that

> is part of it) but mostly because I have no idea what I want to do with my

> life. I was the smart one in the family!!! I was the one everyone thought

> would go on to become a doctor or something like that.

,

Sometimes it amazes me how alike we are! I felt the exact same way at your

age. It was when I was the most depressed I have ever been in my life. I

also have an extremely successful brother (although he's 4 years older). He

has always known what he wanted to do with his life. I think some of it had

to do with the fact that he respected my father so much and wanted to follow

in his footsteps (which he did). He went to college, was in Air Force ROTC,

after college was a pilot in the Air Force and an Instructor. He had a

brief interview on MTV with Tabitha Soren when he was flying the big cargo

planes over to Bosnia (it was cool to turn on mtv and see your brother being

interviewed) and now he is a pilot for Delta (just like my dad...the whole

nine yards...Air Force to being a pilot for Delta. He actually runs into

people who flew with my dad which is kind of neat). I get depressed when I

go visit him because he lives in this huge, gorgeous house in a gated

community in Atlanta (well, right outside of Atlanta in Suwanee) with a golf

course, blah, blah, blah. His wife is my age and her and my life are so

incredibly different. When I come home after visiting him, I often joke

" back to the ghetto " . It's really not all that bad, but it is depressing

sometimes when I look at myself and how we are struggling month to month.

But, you know what...I probably wouldn't want to live like that. It's not

who I am and it's certainly not who Bob is...but, I totally understand how

you feel in terms of having a brother who is much better off than you

financially. I, too, was the " smart " one and everybody had such high

hopes.....but, I dance to the beat of my own drum (so to say) and now

everyone in my family knows not to be surprised by the things I do or where

I end up. (I would think nothing of picking up and moving to LA, for

example!) It's ok to want to have an identity other than " mom " . It

certainly doesn't mean you are a bad person. It's just not worth stressing

out about. You are young (I know you don't feel very young sometimes, but

you are) and you have plenty of time to figure out what you want to do with

your life. Believe me, it's never to late to do something new or something

you always wanted to do, but never got around to. I've yet to do anything

significant with my Psychology degree (except for an 8 month job I had years

ago), but one of these days I'm going to put it to good use. And when I

do.....it will have been well worth the wait. You can get your degree

anytime...there's no rule saying you have to have it by the time you're 22!

In fact, I think it would do a lot of kids a world of good to work for a

year or two before going to school so they have some idea of what it's like

in the " real world " and so they have a better idea of what it is they want

to do. College for me was one big party. I had no idea what I wanted to do

with my life. I started off as a Chemical Enginner.....ha....that lasted

about a week. I was so lost the first day in Organic Chemistry. I swear

the Professor was talking a foreign language and I stuck it out for a week

and then dropped Chemistry and picked up Psychology and fell in love with

it.

What am I trying to say amidst all this rambling? Just that the things you

are feeling are completely normal. I'd venture to say that most of us have

felt what you are feeling, to some degree, at some point in our lives.

But, you can do anything you want to do or be anything you want to be. Yes,

you will always be " mom " but you can also be many other things. It will

also probably be easier for you to concentrate more on " you " and figuring

out who/what you want to be/do once your kids are in school. Not that you

have to wait until then to get started working towards your goals,,,,,but, I

know for me, it will be easier for me once Skylar is in school and I don't

have to worry about putting her in daycare. Anyway, I just want you to know

that I can relate to what you are feeling. We think we should have it all

figured out by now, but the truth is that you never really have it all

figured out. Just enjoy yourself and your kids. For now, you are doing

what you have to do to get by (working in a grocery store) but that doesn't

mean you will be doing that forever. You can be whoever you want to be!

But, don't forget the fact that right now you are one incredible, beautiful

and extremely strong (both inside and out....thanks in part to tae-bo)

woman! And don't forget the words to my favorite song

" Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.

The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do

with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still

don't " .

I may not have had the career success that I thought I'd have at this point

in my life. But, I'd say that I've had tons of life experiences that I

wouldn't change for anything and I think I'm a pretty interesting person

(most of the time), so remember you are lots of things (not just a career or

how much money you are making).

Ok, that's enough....I've rambled sufficiently. Hope you are feeling better

today. I felt so bad yesterday, I didn't get to tae-bo, either. Here's

hoping today's a better day!

who feels like is one of my long lost relatives

[Guest guest]

<< I know it isn't

too late to figure out what I want to do. I just wish I had SOME idea of

what

I would like to do. I guess I have time to figure that out. Too bad I can't

make a career out of Tae-Bo

>>

Glad you're feeling brighter today.

I had no idea what I wanted to do and it was by pure chance that I ended up

doing a computer course because of the man that interviewed me for

Employment Training, which I had to do whilst unemployed, otherwise I would

have lost my benefits!

He asked if I knew about computers, I said no, he said would you like to

learn about them, I said yes and that changed my future, by the third week

of the course I knew I wanted to do the full course (not just a term) &

qualify - I was really enjoying it!

So sometimes you don't have to figure things out, opportunities will come to

you, you just have to dare to grab them! even if you just try it out

So try not to worry too much about 'figuring things out', it doesn't always

work like that!

Jill

who's wondering why you can't make a career out of TaeBo?, people in other

types of fitness do

[Guest guest]

<<LOL Jill. One of my best friends said that a lot of smart people don't

make a

whole lot of money because they spend to much time thinking. That will be my

excuse. I am too busy thinking to get a good job, LOL!

>>

*LOL* I give up thinking when it starts to hurt my head ! *hehe*

Jill

[Guest guest]

> Too bad I can't make a career out of Tae-Bo

,

Who's to say you can't make a career out of tae-bo! I can't wait

until they announce how they will certify tae-bo instructors and when

they do, I will try every way I know how to be able to do it.

There's no reason you can't do the same thing! So, tae-bo may be in

your future...you never know

[Guest guest]

>

> Thanks . Maybe if acting doesn't work out you should become a

> counselor?

> You are good at making people feel better!

>

Now this had me laughing. My first major was psych and my profs pretty much

told me I wans't cut out for it. I went with my gut too many time instead of

going with their " theories "

who is glad you found those cranberry pills

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I am still wading my way through messages from a week ago, but I did want to

respond to your message. I had my first " mid-life crisis " just before I

turned 28, so I know what that means when you say that. It will affect your

whole well-being. I do want you to know that my " crisis " created many

positive things in my life, and I hope that yours will do the same for you.

I understand that you are feeling a little inadequate compared to how well

your brother is doing financially and career-wise. But don't tie the money

in your paycheck to your own self-worth. I have been on this list long

enough to know that you are a truly wonderful human being who is always kind

to others and ready with a helping hand. To me, that is worth far more than

you could possibly make in a year. Yes, you were and still are the smart one

in your family - and just because you did not become a doctor does not make

you any less of a person. Maybe you were meant to give birth to a child who

will become a doctor - one that will find a cure for cancer or for some

other terrible disease. Just think of that - how important that is.

I can understand that you want to be more than " just " a mother. Even though

that is maybe the most challenging job of all. And you are more than just a

mother to us and others - even though you don't see that right now. Maybe

when your kids are older you will have more free time to pursue more of your

interests. I sincerely hope that you will. Children are so wonderful, yet

demand so much time. I have seen several of my friends get to the point

where you are now, feeling like you have lost yourself and lost sight of

your goals. But you aren't really lost - and you haven't really lost sight

of your goals - you are just tending to other things that are just as

important.

I hope that at least something in my message makes you feel a little better.

You are such a sweet person that I hate to see you going through this

crisis. I wish you much luck through this and email me if you ever need to

talk. Don't be afraid to make decisions that will improve how you are

feeling - I made several major changes in my life in the last year and I am

happier and healthier as a result. Take care - and remember we are here for

you! --G

>Message: 16

> Date: Thu, 6 Apr 2000 16:26:54 EDT

> From: agaw12577@...

>Subject: I need to whine again (OT)

>

>I am having a half way to mid life crisis. It all started a few days ago

>when

>I was talking to my little brother. He is 20. He was telling me that he got

>a

>promotion at work and said he was making a lot of money. Out of curiosity,

>I

>asked how much he made a year. It turns out that he is making 3x what my

>husband and I combined make a year. I am so happy for him that he is doing

>so

>well with his company and he is so happy. He really loves his job. I love

>him

>so much, there is nothing I want more than for him to have a wonderful

>life.

>With that said, I feel like such a loser. Not because I make less (ok, that

>is part of it) but mostly because I have no idea what I want to do with my

>life. I was the smart one in the family!!! I was the one everyone thought

>would go on to become a doctor or something like that. Instead I had a baby

>at 18. I don't regret having her, I love both of my kids with all of my

>heart. But there are times that I feel like I have screwed up my whole

>life.

>That sounds awful. I don't know how to explain what I am feeling without

>having it sound like I regret my kids. I don't. Maybe it is the timing that

>I

>regret. Whenever I am feeling down, my friends and family give me the same

>speech about how I have two beautiful kids and I am a great mom, etc. That

>really doesn't make me feel better. I don't want my whole identity to be

>being a mother. Gosh, that really sounded bad. I guess I just always

>thought

>that I would have a career that I loved. Not working at a lame grocery

>store

>struggling to keep our heads above water. I don't know what my problem is

>today. It just seems like my life has no direction. I love being a Mom and

>being with my kids. But one day they will grow up and then what? Who will I

>be then? Sorry to be such a whiner. I just needed to vent. I think I am

>just

>depressed because I missed Tae-Bo today because of my knee and feeling

>sick.

>I don't mean to be such a cry baby. It has just been a rough day. I have to

>go get ready for work now. I promise my next email won't contain any more

>whining.

>

>

______________________________________________________

Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I am still wading my way through messages from a week ago, but I did want to

respond to your message. I had my first " mid-life crisis " just before I

turned 28, so I know what that means when you say that. It will affect your

whole well-being. I do want you to know that my " crisis " created many

positive things in my life, and I hope that yours will do the same for you.

I understand that you are feeling a little inadequate compared to how well

your brother is doing financially and career-wise. But don't tie the money

in your paycheck to your own self-worth. I have been on this list long

enough to know that you are a truly wonderful human being who is always kind

to others and ready with a helping hand. To me, that is worth far more than

you could possibly make in a year. Yes, you were and still are the smart one

in your family - and just because you did not become a doctor does not make

you any less of a person. Maybe you were meant to give birth to a child who

will become a doctor - one that will find a cure for cancer or for some

other terrible disease. Just think of that - how important that is.

I can understand that you want to be more than " just " a mother. Even though

that is maybe the most challenging job of all. And you are more than just a

mother to us and others - even though you don't see that right now. Maybe

when your kids are older you will have more free time to pursue more of your

interests. I sincerely hope that you will. Children are so wonderful, yet

demand so much time. I have seen several of my friends get to the point

where you are now, feeling like you have lost yourself and lost sight of

your goals. But you aren't really lost - and you haven't really lost sight

of your goals - you are just tending to other things that are just as

important.

I hope that at least something in my message makes you feel a little better.

You are such a sweet person that I hate to see you going through this

crisis. I wish you much luck through this and email me if you ever need to

talk. Don't be afraid to make decisions that will improve how you are

feeling - I made several major changes in my life in the last year and I am

happier and healthier as a result. Take care - and remember we are here for

you! --G

>Message: 16

> Date: Thu, 6 Apr 2000 16:26:54 EDT

> From: agaw12577@...

>Subject: I need to whine again (OT)

>

>I am having a half way to mid life crisis. It all started a few days ago

>when

>I was talking to my little brother. He is 20. He was telling me that he got

>a

>promotion at work and said he was making a lot of money. Out of curiosity,

>I

>asked how much he made a year. It turns out that he is making 3x what my

>husband and I combined make a year. I am so happy for him that he is doing

>so

>well with his company and he is so happy. He really loves his job. I love

>him

>so much, there is nothing I want more than for him to have a wonderful

>life.

>With that said, I feel like such a loser. Not because I make less (ok, that

>is part of it) but mostly because I have no idea what I want to do with my

>life. I was the smart one in the family!!! I was the one everyone thought

>would go on to become a doctor or something like that. Instead I had a baby

>at 18. I don't regret having her, I love both of my kids with all of my

>heart. But there are times that I feel like I have screwed up my whole

>life.

>That sounds awful. I don't know how to explain what I am feeling without

>having it sound like I regret my kids. I don't. Maybe it is the timing that

>I

>regret. Whenever I am feeling down, my friends and family give me the same

>speech about how I have two beautiful kids and I am a great mom, etc. That

>really doesn't make me feel better. I don't want my whole identity to be

>being a mother. Gosh, that really sounded bad. I guess I just always

>thought

>that I would have a career that I loved. Not working at a lame grocery

>store

>struggling to keep our heads above water. I don't know what my problem is

>today. It just seems like my life has no direction. I love being a Mom and

>being with my kids. But one day they will grow up and then what? Who will I

>be then? Sorry to be such a whiner. I just needed to vent. I think I am

>just

>depressed because I missed Tae-Bo today because of my knee and feeling

>sick.

>I don't mean to be such a cry baby. It has just been a rough day. I have to

>go get ready for work now. I promise my next email won't contain any more

>whining.

>

>

______________________________________________________

Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/14/00 10:42:03 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

creativitygirl@... writes:

<<

I hope that at least something in my message makes you feel a little better.

You are such a sweet person that I hate to see you going through this

crisis. I wish you much luck through this and email me if you ever need to

talk. Don't be afraid to make decisions that will improve how you are

feeling - I made several major changes in my life in the last year and I am

happier and healthier as a result. Take care - and remember we are here for

you! --G >>

Hi ,

Thanks for that wonderful email! It really made me smile. I am so glad you

decided to join this group. I really appreciate your support!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/14/00 10:42:03 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

creativitygirl@... writes:

<<

I hope that at least something in my message makes you feel a little better.

You are such a sweet person that I hate to see you going through this

crisis. I wish you much luck through this and email me if you ever need to

talk. Don't be afraid to make decisions that will improve how you are

feeling - I made several major changes in my life in the last year and I am

happier and healthier as a result. Take care - and remember we are here for

you! --G >>

Hi ,

Thanks for that wonderful email! It really made me smile. I am so glad you

decided to join this group. I really appreciate your support!