Guest guest Posted June 26, 2006 Report Share Posted June 26, 2006 Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't " HAVE " them, you " PITCH " them. _____ Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up " a mess. " _____ Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of " yonder. " _____ Only a Southerner knows exactly how long " directly " is, as in: " Going to town, be back directly. " _____ Even Southern babies know that " Gimme some sugar " is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. _____ All Southerners know exactly when " by and by " is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. _____ Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin! _____ Only Southerners grow up knowing the diffe rence between " right near " and " a right far piece. " They also know that " just down the road " can be 1 mile or 20. _____ Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. _____ No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. _____ A Southerner knows that " fixin " can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. _____ Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're " in line, " ... we talk to everybody ! _____ Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. _____ In the South, y'all is singular, ... all y'all is plural. _____ Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. _____ Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, g rits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. _____ When you hear someone say, " Well, I caught myself lookin', " you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! _____ Only true Southerners say " sweet tea " and " sweet milk. " Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. " Sweet milk " means you don't want buttermilk. _____ And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, " Bless her heart " ... and go your own way. _____ To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart! _____ And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! _____ And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads " I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could. " ____ Bless your hearts, ... y'all have a blessed day .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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