Starting Treatment soon...

[Guest guest]

Hello Gang... I thought I would up date you, forgive me if I repeat anything - my memory is not so hot these days. Thinking maybe a little too much stress, along with the hep and my viral load being so high. I think I told you all I got good news with the biopsy I took a month ago - it was the mono on the one I had taken in February that was so bad. My biopsy taken last month came out stage 1 grade 3. I feel so blessed to have such news. However, not long after the biopsy, I found out that my Mother fell and broke her hip in 4 places, they operated not even knowing if she would make it through the surgery, she did, thank - God, however she soon developed a severe staff infection in her hip and on the new joints and on the rod they placed in her femur, of course it ran through her blood stream and she ended up in ICU on a vent. Then she had to go for another surgery to remove it all. She made it through a second surgery, and is now looking at 3 months recovery they say to rid the staff, and then 2 more surgeries to fix the hip. I went out and stayed till she got off the vent and I could speak with her. And although she was doing "OK", I don't feel however, that she will be with us much longer. Sometimes, as hard of life as she has had, and all that she has gone through and all that she will have to endure, all to go back to nursing home - well I just don't think she will fight it, and I really can't say that I would blame her. I am still trying not to let the guilt kill me for leaving her, but if you remember I had to leave Denver and come home for treatment. But, when they told me she fell, and I went out, of course all my other siblings that couldn't help me before, were there, and pointing their fingers. It was awful, and I already felt bad for leaving her - it was a trip from hell... Enough said on that subject... I am headed to Pratt Monday morning, getting my perscription to start treatment, I am having such a hard time in doing this, and then feel guilty for feeling like this for all those that can't do treatment. I just found out that one of my dear friends that I have known my whole life, she moved back to my same home town, and is dying ESLD , she and her husband were in my bridal party, I was there when her kids were born and vise versa. And what makes it so hard for me to go see her is, first there is nothing they can do for her, she has 3 tumors on her liver, she is swollen in her abdomen and lower extremities, and worse yet, she is still doing illegal drugs, so I am told. I am heartbroke, and I can't watch her die... I have been so stressed that I had a panic attack the other night, and I haven't had one of those in over 20 years. I hate the way the treatment makes me so ill, and I am trying to wean my kids, grandkids, my ex-husband, ( I am staying w/kids Father while I do TX) , I do everything for them. The kids Father is the one that I took care of a few years ago when he had cancer, and he never quite recovered fully. So I do yard work, help with his rental property, keep his 4,000 sq ft house up, help with grand kids, keep my Son up and in line going to his first semester of college, helping my oldest daughter, the one that is trying to keep her marriage together now or should I say for the moment. I am maxed out, and they have never seen me on this chemo, and haven't a clue of the side affects, the moods, the days Mom can't get out of bed, throwing up daily, ect... I am so sorry to pour all this out, but you guys are all I have, without you all I won't make it through this time. I can remember being so anxious to fight it the first time, whole other story when we have endured it once, and having every side affect possible. My RA is killing, and then I have so many aches and pains through out my body, I don't know if it's the RA or the hep. Ok - I am through with my bitch session guys, and I am sorry I let it out, but I had to talk to you all. I hope you all will still be here for me, this time is gonna take all I have to stay on this... I need a serious pep talk gang - help!!! Love you guys... May God Bless YOu all and yours Marie For More Of My Designs Please Visit... Website~Elements Of Design~Art Gallery Painted Accents By Dana Sitarzewski© aka JaguarWoman and used in accordance to her specifications. Please do not tube off of my work. Looking for more like this? Join my Always List!