Really needing some help

[Guest guest]

Where do I begin? First of all, I've read a few of the posts here

and I feel so relieved to know there are others who are going through

the same thing. This is going to be long. Please forgive me, but I

really need to talk to someone who understands. My husband has battled

OCD most of his life. We are in our 30s now so you can figure when he

was struggling as a child no one knew what the heck was going on with

him, especially his family. When we were in college he had the intrusive

thoughts, the confessing, the hand washing, the fear of germs, etc. But

then it seemed to " go away " for about 11 years. But then four

years ago " it " showed up again in the form of fear of getting

sick – cancer, aneurysms, heart trouble, you name it. We have PRAYED

that our only child, who is eight now, would not be afflicted with this

horrible disease. We've read so much about it being genetic. About

two weeks ago the intrusive thoughts began for our son. His first one

was that he was afraid he would want to start smoking one day. I

didn't think much about that one. I just told him he wouldn't

and kind of shrugged it off. But then we were sitting in church about

two weeks ago and he said he thought he wanted someone else to be his

mom. It's just continued from there. He's had some good days

with no bad thoughts. But yesterday was the worst one yet. He and I were

sitting in the floor building Lego Knights and he told me he had a

thought that he wanted to stab me. My husband has talked to him and told

him what he has is called OCD and that he knows how he is feeling.

He's told him the thoughts are not his fault or even his own

thoughts and Mommy knows he would never stab her. Our son was so upset.

He told me last night the thoughts make him wish he were dead. I spent

most of the night crying. I'm at work now and I can't function.

My eyes are swollen and I want to go home. I can't tell anyone

what's going on. We are suffering in silence right now because we

don't know what to do. I don't know if it's to a point that

we should seek professional help. The statement he made last night has

me scared. He's only eight years old and he says he wants to die

because of the way he is feeling. And as for professional help, where

would we start? His pediatrician, go straight to a

therapist/psychologist? Who? Ironically, my husband was a psych major in

college and he fully supports GOOD therapy. But what if we take him to

someone who makes matters worse? Do we try to deal with this on our own

for now? My husband certainly has enough " experience " from his

own ordeal and can honestly tell our son he knows exactly how he is

feeling. I'm just so worried and scared to think that my baby is

going to have to endure the same hell as my husband has for so many

years.