Re: DANA~~CINDY

September 6, 2006

Well, yesterday went fairly well. I was even having him open doors

without using his shirt. Then today wasn't quite as good. He had

his first appointment with the psychologist today. He was talking

about doing ERP and CBT. seemed alright with it but when I

had to take him to school he just became a mess...crying, not

wanting to leave me, telling me he just couldn't go in to school.

Oh, it was awful!! My husband was there too and he just couldn't

get over the way came apart. He said it's not normal and he

doesn't understand it. He doesn't understand how a 13 year old boy

could get that upset about going in to school. Well, I left with

him and took him in after lunch and he stayed until dismissal.

Ugh! I feel SO weary. This has really been taking it out of me. I

have a complete new respect for parents who are dealing with more

than I am. It's been hard not to come apart at the seams. School

has really been rough so far. I'm already worrying about him

failing 8th grade. I guess just one day at a time.

Thanks for asking.

~~Dana

> >

> > CBT -- As I understand it after reading 5 or 6 books

> > and 6 months monitoring the 'OCDsupport' (probably the

> > most helpful) site (and doing it with my 14 y/o son)

> >

> > CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) is, as you said,

> > everywhere these days -- even used for sleep problems.

> > It is sort of replacing " talk " therapy (in alot of

> > cases). Talk therapy basically was built on the idea

> > that we are mostly a product of our upbringing and

> > past experiences(Freud). But talking about it

> > apparently didn't cure us very well. Hence the jokes

> > about being in therapy for years and years and not

> > getting better. Dwelling on a bad past might just

> > make the brain connections stronger (re: the bad exp)

> >

> > Instead -- CBT spends part of the time " adjusting "

> > problematic thinking that the patient may have fallen

> > into (the cognitive part) then emphasizes changing

> > behavior (the " B " part of CBT). It has been proven in

> > brain scans that changing behavior ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY

> > CHANGES the brain!!!

> >

> > In the case of OCD the Cognitive part of the therapy

> > would be (for example) telling someone who is afraid

> > of germs that their thinking on this subject needs to

> > be adjusted, that germs are unavoidable and natural

> > and have been around forever and it's actually better

> > to not avoid them all because they make our immune

> > system stronger.

> >

> > The behavior part of CBT for OCD is to NOT DO what the

> > OCD is telling you to do. Show the OCD monster that

> > you are stronger than it is. Don't give in! Little

> > kids might name the OCD something negative (some call

> > it the OCD bully) so that they can more easily refuse

> > to do what it is telling them to do.

> > We all know that doing what a bully tells you to do is

> > not going to make things better in the long run.

> >

> > " Feeding the OCD monster " is a great analogy I think.

> >

> > The more you feed it the stronger it becomes. The

> > more parents give into the fears (enabling) the more

> > the kid thinks their fears are warranted. The longer

> > the kid gives into their " need " to do certain rituals

> > the stronger the pathways in the brain become that

> > tell them they need to do the ritual.

> >

> > In OCD the behavior therapy part is usually called ERP

> > (Exposure Response Prevention). It is a specific type

> > of therapy. Not all CBT therapists know much about it

> > and even less know how to do it. There are lots of

> > good books about it on the OCFoundation website. A

> > good one that is mentioned often here is Tamar

> > Chansky's " Freeing Your Child From OCD " or something

> > like that. It is possible to learn how to do it on

> > your own with your child (if you read enuf books). A

> > good therapist is preferable at least for a while but

> > the parent needs to learn how to do it at home in

> > between sessions because the home is where most of the

> > problems arise.

> >

> > One of the hardest parts may be changing our own

> > behavior (of enabling). There are all kinds of things

> > I do for my son that he should be able to do for

> > himself and I constantly fight this tendency .

> > Re-assuring our kids alot (about whatever there fears

> > are) is also enabling.

> >

> > OCD was originally called the " doubting disease "

> > because sufferers pretty much all want absolute

> > certainty about things

> > --am I SURE the door is locked

> > --am I SURE there are no germs on my hands

> > --am I SURE I won't kill someone with that knife

> > --am I SURE I did all my homework perfectly

> > --am I SURE I washed every single germ off my body in

> > the shower

> > --even tho I KNOW it's ridiculus to think my parents

> > will die in a car accident if I don't do certain

> > things everytime I go through a doorway -- am I SURE

> > that if I don't do them they will be all right?

> >

> > The adult sufferers on the site who have done serious

> > Exposure Therapy for OCD say it is quite painful to do

> > the therapy -- to not do what the " OCD Monster " is

> > telling them to do. This is because the monster

> > targets those things which the person holds most dear.

> > It tricks them by saying (for example) " your mother

> > will die if you don't do what I am telling you to do " ,

> > but the ones who have really done it say it is

> > definitely worth it in the long run.

> >

> > But it is a specific type of CBT called ERP. It's

> > pretty common sense if you think about it. Face your

> > fears. If you give in to them they will probably get

> > worse.

> >

> > Like maybe: they pay some attention to how others

> > don't worry about germs very much at all and they

> > survive

> >

>

> ---------------------------------

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>

September 6, 2006

Dana,

I am glad that your husband was there to see 's meltdown. I would assume

it makes him realize that he does need some counseling.

I would think for he would have an emotional outburst after talking with

the psychologist. My goodness, one day he is just a typical teenager and then

suddenly he is plagued with all of this worry - and then one day you end up in a

psychologist's office talking about all of this therapy you will be doing. I

can't imagine how it must feel on his end. I remember one day after my 3rd

child was born being in the grocery store with all of them. I walked down the

aisle a little to look at something and didn't bring my cart (they were all

quiet and just sitting there). Next thing I knew, all 3 were crying about

something and I looked down there at my cart, and thought, when did this become

my life? I still kind of viewed myself as a young, carefree person and the

reality of it was that I now had all of these responsibilities. It was one of

those " impact moments " in my life. Maybe it kind of hit like that, too.

I think lots of good things will come out of the therapy. When do you go

back? I'll bet your husband will be more on board now. That is a good thing!

Hang in there.

Dana <pba1221d@...> wrote: